Let's go round again.

Unlike a lot of people, I always liked going out on New Year's Eve. There is, in my opinion, a different vibe to any other night out and people seem more willing to just talk to strangers. Whether that's just me or a more common thing, I don't know.

Not tonight though. People are ill, the weather's awful and I think I'm fighting off something - I can feel it in my throat.

This year, my Christmas socialising has been a washout. KfW2 has been quiet, The Crowd are ill and I'm back in work in 2 days time. I am disappointed that I've not met KfW2, but that's been a problem for the past year. Perhaps even longer, if I am being honest.

I have enjoyed the holidays, I do feel somewhat recharged (ask me again on Thursday afternoon, though), but next year is not promising to be any easier. I need to knuckle down and get some house stuff done and I need to lose a lot of weight. I'll find out how much when I step on my new scales at the weekend.

Oh, hi there!

A little over 16 months ago, AM promised to arrange a night out with a group of friends that included QC1 and another of her university friends. Why the third woman needed to be present is a mystery because she doesn't live anywhere near close and only comes home a few times per year.

Suffice to say, I've not heard anything from AM since then.

Imagine my surprise when the third woman posted on Facebook that she was out for lunch with AM and QC1 (and possibly all significant others).

It still saddens me that my contact, and relationship, with AM just effectively ceased once I stopped making the effort.

Hmmm.

I'd like to say that I enjoyed the party last night, but I can't say I did. That's all on me, though, and nothing to do with my sis and brother-in-law as hosts. I just felt out of place, and really lonely.

I spent most of my evening there talking to the younger guests, but once they left, I had no real desire to stay. I ordered a taxi and left, somewhat anonymously as my sister and brother-in-law were talking to other guests who were leaving and my attempts to get their attention were fruitless.

It reminded me of a work Xmas party a few years ago that I left early because I was felling in a similar way.

I am knackered today. Lack of sleep, just worn down by Xmas (even though it was quiet this year) and a stiff neck into the bargain.

Today will be a sofa and TV day.

Check it out.

For the third time in four days, I'm heading to my sister's tonight for a post Xmas party. It's annoying me that I've not been to the pub in a couple of weeks to take advantage of the party atmosphere and I'm unlikely to be in the pub between now and the new year.

My sister doesn't have any single friends that I'm aware of, at least not any who are going to be at the party. It'd be great if her super-fit university friend was there, so I would have a perv and maybe test the waters, but my sister admitted recently that she's not actually spoken to her in ages... years actually.

And I think that's what I'm missing. Being able to do some people watching and check out some attractive women.

Hmmm...

I had kinda hoped to hear from KfW2 today. After all my message to her last night was a direct question, or rather two:

What's she doing over the next week or so? Can we see each other?

She may be hungover. It's likely. But I feel like I need a "win", though it feels weird just getting a friend out for a drink or dinner a "win". Everyone has been difficult to pin down this year. KfW2, The Crowd and others. Even FBS and D etc. to a certain extent, and that's taking its toll.

But it would be nice if I heard from her. There's an outside chance that she'll invite me to hers for NYE, but that's not what I want. I want to go to a pub, just the two of us, and talk and have fun.

Then I'll happily consider doing stuff with her kids.

Socially something else

And like buses, the messages come in. Mrs FC has just messaged, explaining that she and FC have been ill pretty much all of December. So I've suggested we maybe pencil in something next weekend or after, in the new year, if they're feeling better.

Socially texting

From KfW2: "We're here for another 2 hours if you want to come in for a drink".

It's 9 PM. The confusion continues. I'm glad she thought about me to send the invite. I'm annoyed that she's fired out a last-minute invite, when she knows that I won't turn up and she knows why I won't turn up.

Then my mind goes into overdrive. If she's invited me out tonight (for what would be less than 90 minutes by the time I got showered, dressed and a cab into the city), then does that mean there are no other plans for the holidays?

I've replied and said "no" but offered to do something... anything... for the next ten days. It's over a year since I've seen her. In a few day's time it'll also be a full calendar year.

Oh, and the reasons for not going out are twofold: First of all, I've covered this before in this post. It's the cost of being an introvert. That's the first reason. The second reason is that I'm just after a HUGE Chinese and I'm stuffed and lethargic.

I've spoken to KfW2 before about these last-minute invites. She's known me for fifteen years. This won't be a surprise to her. And that in itself makes me sad.

Socially speaking.

When I suggested post-Xmas drinks to The Crowd a week or so ago, S was the only person who agreed. This is despite Mrs FC suggesting we all get together (and me then directly calling out that she could arrange it).

But at the moment, the only thing I have on my plate, social-wise, is another trip to my sis's tomorrow for a party, and meeting Nerdy Girl for breakfast on Monday.

There's nothing from KfW2, though she's out tonight in town and I still don't know if she promised to do something at the end of her snatched call on Xmas Eve. I think she did. I re-sent the "drinks" invite to The Crowd earlier this afternoon though have had no reply as of now.

I tried suggesting to FBS, D etc. that we meet in January so I could get into my fitness plan without worrying about a big night out, but it doesn't work for FBS, so I think we've pencilled in a Friday towards the end of February.

So lots of potential stuff over the next while, but I'd have much preferred to see everyone within the next few weeks, then spend the next few months seriously trying to loose weight and work on other things. But I hope something works out with The Crowd and KfW2 cos I'd love to see them.

Ah FFS.

Booze and sleep are things that don't go hand in hand for me, at least not any more. It used to be that booze would zonk me out all night. Not any more. Booze tends to mean more broken sleep, and last night was no exception.

I do semi-remember a dream though that's been a vague recurring pattern over the past month or so. Last night's involved me meeting a blonde American celebrity, though who exactly I can't remember. January Jones, maybe?

Regardless, she was very interested in getting to know me better, but played hot and cold throughout the entire dream, which involved numerous scenarios - garden parties, clubs etc.

An interesting dream, but I am knackered today and I could do with just vegging on the sofa rather than heading to my sister's.

There was also a missed call from KfW2 around 9 PM last night. I did return it, but have heard nothing since.

Happy Christmas!

Yet another year goes by and I wake on Christmas morning and Jessica Alba is nowhere to be seen. I am not really feeling on top form. There was some booze taken last night, plus I was messaging USHW as well that kept me awake slightly later than I'd anticipated.

So in the absence of Jessica Alba in my stocking, have some pictures of attractive women.

Hmmm?

KfW2 called earlier. Another snatched phone call as she was on her way to Tesco and, as usual, about three hours behind schedule. However, as she was hanging up (in a hurry), did she promise to meet up some time between Xmas and New Year?

It sounded like it, though she was gone before I could ask her to clarify what she said. It wouldn't surprise me. Me telling her that she made a promise to go to the Xmas Market and then forget would annoy her. She doesn't like being "wrong" and add to that that she would genuinely feel bad for it.

So, that might be something to look forward to over the next week.

Big sigh.

Well, KfW2 forgot that she was supposed to arrange something. I know this because she's just off the phone and I directly asked her about it. I didn't chase her up, dear reader. Pats on the back for me.

But I am really quite sad about it. I'm sad that KfW2 forgot. I'm sad that it's been a year since we last saw each other in person. I'm sad that we're drifting apart and my continued efforts to see KfW2 are not paying dividends.

I might suggest something between Xmas and New Year, but she's likely going to be doing stuff with the kids.

On the plus side, there's a football match on TV that I wanted to watch that would have been on at the same time as any pub trip, so that time's freed up.

There is an outside chance that me asking KfW2 about our pub trip might prompt her into something last-minute... like very last-minute, but that's very low probability.

Block rocking beats.

I had a dream last night that featured two people I went to primary school with: G and an attractive blonde, athletic woman. She may have been featured in posts before.

In the dream, I met her while out and about. We rekindled our friendship and romance was in the air. G came home, as he does reasonably frequently, and I invited him along to the girl's house.

However, when we got there, G suddenly was blocking any move that I or the blonde woman made in order to progress our budding romance. But we couldn't identify why he was doing this.

I don't remember any real details beyond that, though.

Weird though.

Sigh.

Stating the obvious somewhat, but it's a few days until Sunday. Why's Sunday important? Well, it's the last day of our Christmas market in town. From KfW2's chat a week or so ago, she was talking about repeating our Christmas day out from last year, which started in the market and then we went to other bars and got horrendously drunk. So, Sunday is the last day that we can do that.

But I've heard nothing from her, and I've decided that I'm not chasing her up, even if that means we'll likely go an entire year without seeing each other. I just can't be arsed. I've tried over half a dozen times this year to get her out and she's been flaky about nailing down a date all year.

Even though I've told her that I don't do last minute, as an Introvert, I'm still semi-expecting that if she does arrange something that I'll get 24 hours notice.

Back up...

Blimey, I genuinely don't believe it. It was my last day in work yesterday before I take over two weeks off at Christmas. That coincided with a work event. Sadly, it wasn't at the pub, but we did something in the building - foods, drinks and entertainment.

It was the entertainment that raised an eyebrow. For starters, one of the women involved in the entertainment, I think I've blogged about before. An attractive woman who usually wears black, slinky dresses.

There were other women, and one in particular caught my eye because she was wearing this fantastic glittery backless dress. She had her back to me and it was well over an hour before I saw what she looked like. She was extremely attractive. She was also half my age.

But that dress. *drool* My favourite type, too... one that goes tight the the what's the word? nape? No, small. One that goes right to the small of the back.

So here you are: celebs in backless dresses...

Missed call.

Facebook memories get busy around this time of year due to a plethora of work Christmas parties over the years, but the one that prompted today's blog post was the first trip that KfW2 and I had to our Christmas Market.

Setting the template for future years, KfW2 and I arranged it between ourselves then opened up invitations to everyone else. A few people turned up, had a few drinks and left, including GM and CC.

We (including KfW2's husband) were the last ones standing, and we were extremely drunk. We parted ways - I was living in a city centre apartment, but KfW2 and her hubby needed to get a taxi. I awoke the next morning to a missed call and a really sweet (drunken, but still sweet) voicemail from KfW2. It was quite long, too.

Mirror, mirror.

I had a dream last night that was pretty much all sexual. In it, I was having sex with someone. I don't know if it was someone I know and can't remember or if it was just a faceless athletic brunette. Regardless, we were having a lot of fun involved toys, food  etc. and getting suitably messy as a result.

While that was enjoyable, there was another aspect of the dream. We had hooked a camera up to a big TV in my bedroom and that was displaying our antics.

It's interesting in that this aspect of sex is something that I've never done before - I've not filmed myself having sex or taken pictures during sex. There were conversations in the past with USHW where I admitted that I'm not against it, as long as I can fully trust my partner.

But the dream last night provided another consideration - just outputting the video to a big screen, not recording - so you can see yourself in real time. And you know what? That's actually a bit of a turn-on.

And it only took a few seconds this morning to find out that hooking a webcam up to a Smart TV is almost effortless.

Memberberries.

Facebook reminds me that it's the anniversary of one of CH's morality wobbles where it looked like she was seriously considering something. This one was at a work's event and she was incredibly drunk. It was in my mind anyway after KfW2's comments a few days ago about women in work being interested in me, plus Nerdy Girl's comments about Chloe and missing opportunities.

In fact, it might also have been the night I briefly (and drunkenly) danced with Quiet Girl.

A suitable post.

It's been a while and, when I was out with Nerdy Girl on Monday evening, we stopped in at CB Pub for a drink and to continue our conversation. As it happens, a group of women were in for their Christmas party and one of them, a stunning blonde woman was wearing a suit. So this post is to reflect on that and re-iterate how much I love women in suits, especially 3-piece suits.

Here's hoping I see some women in backless dresses (unlikely) or nice boots (probably) over the party season.

 

D'oh.

I did a walk with Nerdy Girl last night. We did a slightly different route that was almost exactly the same distance as the shorter route we've been doing this year due to my injury.

As part of the conversation she was chastising me (very gently and not entirely seriously) about not contacting Chloe a few years back. I remember not really getting that vibe off her that she was looking anything romantic, but I also recall (though I was drunk) that she seemed quite earnest about getting in touch.

However, I got Covid that night and was floored for a week, then it was into Christmas and by the time the new Year rolled round, it was too late (in my opinion) to reach out, even if I thought there was reason to. Which I didn't.

And now I'm second guessing myself.

Let's see what happens.

I spoke to KfW2 last night. I was going to suggest we did dinner, as that's what I've been trying to get her out for, pretty much all year.

But she was quick to suggest we did a Christmas Market afternoon/evening with her eldest son in tow. That's what we did last year and while it's not the alone time I want, it's pretty much all I'm going to get. And that's not to say that last year wasn't fun - it absolutely was.

But, you know, it's been tough this year, and I wanted the intimacy of dinner and drinks and to be able to chat, face to face, with one of my closest friends.

Sadly though, we don't have a date nailed down because the entire family, including KfW2, are fucking useless at arranging anything.

Interestingly, as part of the conversation, I mentioned that JB was leaving for a new job and KfW2 declared, quite confidently, that she used to have notions of me. Now, I don't believe this for a second, and it also turned out that I think she was thinking of Ideas Girl. But then KfW2 also suggested that IG was not the only one who has romantic notions.

This is news to me. The only other person that I am sure had less than platonic thoughts about me was CH, and she clearly wasn't going to be sharing that with anyone else. is KfW2 just mistaken or did she know more than she let on? (For the record, even if she did know something, she has clearly forgotten any details.)

KfW2 also asked if I had been speaking to CH recently, but we've not communicated directly in years.

Bah.

During one of the last work nights out, I ended up in a local, and expensive, cocktail bar with an ex-team colleague. She introduced me to a Negroni, which was delicious.

I decided that I'd get the ingredients in around Christmas and make some for myself. I did a test run last night after getting in the required booze and... it was not how I remembered. By the third they were tasting quite nice, but still not as nice as the one in the cocktail bar.

It's not like I used cheap ingredients either. Maybe it needs further tweaking, though I don't know how you can go wrong with three different boozes in the ratio of 1:1:1.

I need to experiment.

What is that?

Facebook reminds me that it's the 11th anniversary of meeting E3 in the pub once evening after I had been out with FBS etc. and also bumping into QC1.

I've always said that I don't really do regrets per se, and that's true, but there was a twinge of something about the missed opportunity with E3. She does look good in the photo, and I look surprisingly sober.

Sigh.

CC called at lunchtime. I wasn't going to pick up because I wasn't in a CC mood, but I did anyway. She was going to go to the cafe just around the corner from my house, did I fancy meeting for brunch?

I was literally just about to start making lunch, and she immediately put me in the mood for a fry up, so I agreed.

I kinda wish I didn't. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that for the hour we sat in the cafe, she spent 15 minutes on her phone, looking at messages, searching for stuff etc. and another 15 minutes in a phone call. And the rest of it was typical CC - not listening to what I had to say, despite her asking question on those exact topics.

So, I enjoyed the fry up, but the conversation with CC just exhausted me.

Plans

I've had a few texts today, asking to get something arranged. "Something" is quite broad, but at the moment the options on the table are drinks with an ex-colleague, Money Guy, and a walk with Nerdy Girl.

The walk should be this week, weather-dependant. I've suggested that drinks with Money Guy is next week, hopefully Wednesday.

Still waiting to hear from KfW2, but you'll not be surprised to hear that a) I'm pessimistic about it and b) continually trying is getting me down.

And nothing from Mrs FP either. And there could be drinks with Nerdy Girl.

It could be busy over the next three weeks, but it's all up in the air right now.

Twenty years...

Something I've been meaning to post about over the past few days and it's always escaped me was that last month (November) marks the point where USHW and I started to really get to know each other. As far as I can remember, though that's not a guarantee of accuracy these days.

We had been chatting online before that due to the online hobby and our own respective influences and responsibilities, but if memory serves, November 2004 is when USHW started asking more personal questions, and I may have been a bit more forthcoming with some personal information. I do recall regaling her about a night out with V fuelled by booze and drugs when I returned home after spending around three months abroad for work.

Might be time to dig out the old chat logs, if I still have them.

Oh bugger

I might have gotten a bit giddy with my Plantar Fasciitis diagnosis. I did some bowling today at a work thing and there is still a little discomfort there. It's not as bad as it was, but it's still there. Still... four weeks to go until I want to consider really upping my exercise - yoga and walking. Fingers crossed this is the final stretch (no pun intended) of healing.

Looking good.

Whisper it quietly, but I think that I am only a few weeks away from the Plantar Fasciitis being pretty much healed. It's been significantly less painful over the past week or so. If that continues, then I should be in much better shape, post-Christmas (well, into the new year) to make a proper effort to undo the damage of this current year in terms of fitness and weight gain.

Hmmm.

Despite being at the start of my most hated period of the year (the six weeks before Christmas), I find myself in an extremely good mood and excited. But excited for what? I can't put my finger on it. I do heave a lot of personal time booked over the next month, but nothing planned.

In theory, I'm hoping to see KfW2 in December. I'm still waiting for Mrs FC to get back to The Crowd for a night out with her sister. But neither of these is set in stone and there are no other social engagements on the horizon.

So the cause for the excitement remains elusive.

Karma's a bitch.

I slept well last night. I don't know if that was because of the previous night's lack of sleep or the beer I had at a gig, or both.

I had a semi-altercation with a young woman at the gig who was throwing herself around "dancing". That's not itself a crime per se, but being completely unaware of the people around her is, in my opinion.

A hard tap on the shoulder (because a light tap wasn't paying dividends) and a warning to be more careful resulted in me getting the side-eye from her and her boyfriend.

I didn't hold back my laughter when ten minutes later, she backed into a guy carrying four pints, most of which ended up on her, and she immediately burst into tears.

Karma's a bitch.

Out of the blue.

For reasons that I don't understand, K popped into my head yesterday while I was feeling more than a little raunchy. I don't know why it was K over anyone else, but it was. I can't remember the last time I interacted with her. It's been at least 15 years since we had a conversation, but undoubtedly there'll be some kind of social media interaction more recently than that - a comment left, or something.

So I had a few memories of fucking K, and a wistful "what if" of what might have happened had she not gone full tilt into "I want a relationship".

But still... K?

Urgh.

I'm operating on about 4 hours of sleep. I go to sleep easily last night, but woke after an hour or so, around 1 AM, then I was unable to get back to sleep until near 6 AM, only to wake at 9 AM.

I'm three coffees in and they're not making a difference.

I also had a dream during that last period of sleep. In it, all of a sudden, KfW2 and my sister were being super nice to me. I couldn't figure it out until much later when one of them admitted that they'd bumped into each other on a cocktail night out, got talking about me, decided I was in a bad way and they were going to help.

This is all very vague because the details of the dream faded really quickly. Was this due to lack of sleep or the dream not being that detailed to begin with?

But the dream is kinda accurate. I have been feeling lonely recently, and it would be great if either my sister or KfW2 take notice when I tell them that I've been finding it tough due to family stuff and the lingering after effects of FP's passing. And I have been telling them this stuff, but it feels like it falls on deaf ears.

Get out.

Do you ever get a gut feeling that something specific is going to happen? Yesterday, for example, I was convinced that S was going to message and suggest we hit a local bar for a pub quiz. He's done it before a few times, but I've never been in a position to, plus at least once was just too last-minute for me. Last year, on a night out in December, I was convinced I was going to bump into Chloe, but never did.

He didn't get in touch, but my brother-in-law did, suggesting we go to a gig tomorrow night. Well, not suggesting. He had a spare ticket as his companion had dropped out.

It's not a band I'd normally be interested in seeing, but as I've said recently, I need to leave the house more, to be more social, and this is an opportunity to do just that.

Remember?

I don't know if there was a dream involved, but I woke this morning with USHW on my mind. Specifically, the memory of the last time we met back in 2015. It involved meeting at my hotel, where I was in town for a gig, having drinks, conversation and laughs until she had to return home I was due to meet G.

It was a pleasant memory because it was a fun day.

*growls*

If there's one thing I hate, it's people's inability to communicate. The family stuff took another turn at the weekend, and stress levels have been high because the people we deal with should have shared information with us about three weeks ago, and didn't.

They also refuse to use email, citing GDPR, so it appears they don't know what GDPR is either.

My sister and I met with them yesterday and they have apologised profusely (and sincerely from what I can tell), which I have accepted on the understanding that they use this failing to update their processes. They claim that the process improvements are already being looked at, but only time will tell.

But I've spent the last few days really wanting to slap someone.

Coincidence.

In a semi-coincidence, one of the girls mentioned in this post posted a few photographs on Facebook from our school days. Some faces I can barely remember, but an old crush of mine features quite a lot, so that prompted some fond memories.

Bah.

I'm not gonna lie. I had hoped/expected that G would be in touch today, even if it was just to meet for a coffee. I'm assuming he was on an early flight and is already back in London, though.

No.

G's just messaged to say he can't make it. I have beer, so I'm sorta good, but I could have done with the company and some people watching, too.

No?

At this stage, I don't think G's going to be in touch about meeting for drinks. I've always said that I don't care what the outcome is - yes or no - to social engagements, but to let me know as soon as possible.

So I kinda hoped that I'd at least know one way or the other by now. Still, I've already had a few beers, and I'm showered and ready to go if he does want to meet, but it feels like if I've not heard anything in ten minutes that I won't be going out tonight.

Yes.

My gut was right and G's just be in touch to say he's potentially free tomorrow evening. His plans have changed slightly, so it's not certain that we'll meet, but if we do, it'll be tomorrow night.

Sigh.

Still nothing from G about him being home this weekend, which is surprising, even if he never actually nailed down any dates.

I sent CC a message, just to let her know I was thinking of her.

And more family stuff has reared its head, which means I will be cracking open a beer in a few minutes... and there will be more after that.

Let's party?

The rumours in work are that we've got a big night out coming up a week before Christmas. Our Christmas party was cancelled before it even became a thing for reasons unknown. This rumour suggests that the firm are still going to do something, but less formal.

I'm kinda glad cos I wasn't going to go to the Christmas party, but I'd definitely be up for something more casual.

Sad face.

So it seems like 2024 is going to mirror 2023 in that the first time I see KfW2 is at a funeral, then we'll see each other again socially soon after.

In 2023, it was FP's funeral in August and we finally went out for lunch and drinks a few weeks later. This time, it's going to be CC's dad. It's going to be incredibly tough on CC who only lost her mother at the start of the summer. The funeral's on Tuesday and KfW2 has already agreed to pick me up.

While I still can't put my finger on whether or not I regard CC as being a friend, my heart goes out to her.

Boots.

I had a dream about FBS last night. It involved sex. it wasn't a memory per se, or at least the circumstances of the dream never happened, though the individual events did.

In it, FBS and I were at a bar, she was wearing a black jumper, blue jeans and black OTK boots. We got drunk, went back to hers and ended up having sex.

These things all happened in real life, just not all at once, even though I do love OTK boots. FBS did wear them while we were out socially with others, and I'm pretty sure it was with with an outfit not unlike the one I describe above.

And there was a night out, that was just the two of us. And there was sex.

But, yeah, boots. I love boots.

Time out.

I took the first steps in booking out my remaining time off for the year and it paints a pretty picture. I'm am off work on every Monday and Friday in December, plus the entire Christmas week. That's a three-day week for three weeks, then ten days off until 2025.

I think this year has finally caught up with me. Or more realistically, I'm seeing what's in store for next year and I'm not feeling too positive, so I need a break and four-day weekends sound about right.

And I still need to squeeze in another four days of holidays somewhere. I'm hoping that gives me more wiggle room in trying to get something arranged with KfW2. Last year, we went out on a Sunday. Maybe we can do the same thing this year?

Here we go.

Mrs FC has messaged the group suggesting we all meet up. Apparently her sister wants to come out with us. Mrs FC's sister is lovely and good fun. So I replied and said that I was interested, but pushed the logistics and organisation back to Mrs FC, so the ball's in her court.

I'm also expecting G to be home next weekend. On his last visit, he suggested that he'd be back "around the middle of November", which to me is next weekend.

So two possible things to look forward to, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Oh, the irony.

I'm about to leave the house for the day, but I wanted to jump on and post real quick the interesting fact that I ironed some clothes today for the first time in like nine years. It took me 30 minutes to find the fricking iron, it had been that long since I last used it.

I should actually think about getting a new iron and ironing board, but I use them so infrequently that I can't really justify spending the money on them.

Baby steps

I'm meeting Nerdy girl tonight for a walk. The plantar fasciitis seems to be gradually easing, but not enough for me to try our long route. But I definitely need to get my arse in gear and do something given yesterday's shock to the system.

JFC

I tried on my suit today for the first time since around this time last year and it wasn't a pretty sight. I had to go and buy a new one and ended up buying two sizes bigger than my last suit.

That's not good. I know I've put on weight, but actually how much I'd not really considered. A lot of my clothes still fit me, if a little tight around the stomach, but this was something else.

And it was fucking depressing. But I have done little to no exercise this year and my eating habits have been awful. I've been staving off boredom and stress with food. And I've been awfully bored and stressed this year.

Oh dear.

Some of the family stuff has taken a turn for the worst and I might need to take some time off this week. I am in the middle of this supposed super important training (which isn't THAT important), so there might be some friction involved, but not much I would imagine.

Additionally, KfW2 called earlier and we've started the "going out" dance again. I don't know that I have the energy for it. She did suggest that she's tried to get me down to her house a few times (true), but I countered with it was 24 hours notice when I already had plans or was working (also true). She laughed and said that was how her brain worked (true), and I countered with needing more notice (also true).

Whether anything pans out remains to be seen. I hope it does. For all my frustrations, I do miss her and it saddens me greatly that we are drifting apart. I'll need to message her tomorrow to let her know the news, though.

It was nice to chat with her, though.

Ah FFS.

I spent all day feeling like I've beaten my head off a brick wall due to a group of people who think it's better to prove how clever they are than to simplify a task so that everyone can learn from it.

And I've been blunt to the point of rude in calling them out on it, too.

And now I'm tried, I want a drink (an alcoholic one) and I've lost all enthusiasm for this training course because I've got to work with these people for the next three days.

Bugger.

Time out.

By my reckoning, I have two weeks of personal leave left to take before the end of the year. I'm on a training course at the moment, so won't be able to check until next week.

Traditionally, that translates to shorter weeks and typically taking every Friday off. I already have a week booked off at Xmas, so that's ten days to take in seven weeks.

I've always managed to leverage this into social engagements with The Crowd or KfW2, but I've not seen The Crowd in months and the last time I saw KfW2 was a similar Xmas day/night out last December, the week before Christmas.

It's a habit/pattern I've tried to break over recent years, but with little success. Often, I feel burned out by the time this part of the year, but it doesn't feel like so far. That could all change though, cos we're into the time of year that I don't like - the period between Halloween and Xmas.

But let's see what's going to happen with the time off. I need to put it to good use, I think.

Weird.

My sleep was awful last night, I was tossing and turning all night and there were dreams. I can't remember if it was a single dream or a few that I've merged into one. One part of it was that my dad and I survived a bus crash into the ocean and we were doing the rounds on American talk shows for some reason. 

The other two were sex-related and both featured FA2. One was a semi-memory of FA2 collecting me after work one Friday afternoon, getting back to her place then me marching her upstairs to her bedroom because I had been thinking about her all day long and was incredibly horny. The other was not related to anything I've done in real life and involved group sex. Well, maybe not group sex, but FA2 and I having sex on a huge bed while two other couples fucked alongside us. That's not something that I am interested in, in real life.

I've no idea how the dream ended due to waking up every hour or so because of the back and muscle pain.

Yes!

The good news is that I really enjoyed the gig. I got semi-lucky and met a co-worker in a nearby bar, so I had someone to go in with, though my apprehension had long gone by that stage.

So I am definitely interested in doing that again, as long as I can find artists that I like, and I know for sure there are a couple playing in 2025 already.

But my back was killing me the entire gig and that lasted all night long. It's been an issue for months, but it usually eases once I'm moving or standing. Not last night.

Tune in.

Tonight, I'm going to the first gig I've attended since before Covid. It's part of the plan to try and get out of the house more. It's not just the socialising aspect, though that is a driver, but also just the act of leaving the house.

I already have half an eye on this evening with a little apprehension. I don't want to say "fear" because I'm not sure that's the case and I don't feel like this when I go to Tesco, for example, or into the office. But there's definitely something there.

And if tonight works out, I already have an eye on more gigs next year.

Errr...

I had a dream last night that contained a lot of very different pieces. 

The vague gist of it was that I was travelling around the country with a group of people, one of them might have been MfW, the others are less certain. Some of them might have been from the group of guys I do some online gaming with, and at least two were girls I knew at school though they haven't ever been mentioned on the blog. One of the girls was in the same class as me at school. We weren't close, but at least one day a week we'd walk home together. She was a slim girl with a massive rack. My over-riding memory of her was a period where she literally threw herself at another guy in our class.

Back to the dream: we were travelling the country, killing zombies, though it's also unclear if this was just a survival thing, or if this was some kind of game show.

There was a shower scene with one of the girls from school, though not sexual... it was more like the shower scene in Starship Troopers.

And we found a railway station that was stocked with food, drinks and medical equipment.

Around this point I woke up. the zombie thing isn't really of interest. I am more intrigued by the people who appeared in the dream and the backgrounds they came from. It really was an eclectic mix of people from my past.

Wonderful.

Hallowe'en always brings back fond memories, plus one frustrating one. Obviously the frustrating one was the night Sports Girl admitted she liked me while wearing a home-made Wonder Woman costume and looking absolutely stunning in it. How she liked me, I never discovered, but the timing was bad as I was living with family before I moved into my current place. I still maintain it wasn't platonic, though she never showed any signs before or after... it was just that night.

The other memories are of me being out at the pub with M, chatting to women in costume. While I get really self-conscious when dressing up (in suits or costumes), I do love a woman in costume.

And seeing as tomorrow my Instagram feed will be awash with celebrities in fancy dress, here's Myleene Klass dresses as, you guessed it, Wonder Woman.

Sigh.

The family stuff has reared its head again. It never goes away fully... it's always sitting there at the back of my mind, but occasionally things happen the brings it to the front. My sister called my yesterday to fill me in with two pieces of news. One directly related to the family stuff and one kinda, sorta family related.

Neither was great news.

Wasted time.

Even though I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to consider dating, I still occasionally browse the dating apps. I have current profiles on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.

It's a habit at this stage, though I don't know what I would do if I ever got a match, that translated to a conversation that translated to a date.

Saying that, the blonde Emma Willis lookalike appeared today plus this (IMO) stunning brunette woman who has short hair and is tall. Like 5'10" (178cm) tall. Wowzer. She also has this kinda, sorta Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays thing going on. That's a look I dig.

Fabtastic.

I came across this picture while browsing Reddit. Obviously, it's a singer though I don't know who. But look at those abs! I'm carrying far too much weight now, but I have serious abs jealousy here.

Oops, I nearly hit "publish" without actually adding the picture.

Woah.

I came across a behind-the-scenes interview with Alison Brie about an old Community episode and I'm still struck with how much I see CH in her. It's the smile (which I've already commented upon, I think), but the hair and some of her mannerisms as well.

What?

While I definitely had a dream last night, the actual details had already faded by the time I woke up earlier. My parents featured in it, as did FA2 and, I think, KfW2, though how or why escapes me. I did wake feeling in a really good mood though. Was it because I got a good nights sleep? Was it the content of the dream? Both? Does it matter?

Dream hotel.

I dreamed about CAB last night. It was a semi-memory. In real life, I broke up with her over lunch one day after something like three months of dating. We weren't moving forwards, she was due to leave the country for a post-grad university course and, despite lots of foreplay activity, we never went the full way, and by god did I want to fuck her. I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. She was pretty enthusiastic when

Neither of us outright said anything though, and that's on both of us.

In the dream, though, we went to the pub for lunch and before I had a chance to break the bad news, CAB suggested that we get a hotel at the weekend after a night out on the town. It was pretty much the only way we were getting privacy. And that's what we did - smoking, drinking and dancing to a live band before returning to the hotel and finally sealing the deal. And again in the morning. And that's how we saw out the final weeks until she went away - getting a hotel every few weeks after a night out to relieve the pressure.

Obviously I was extremely frustrated this morning and that still continues even now.

I'm lovin' it.

I ordered myself a new desk. It's something I've been wanting to do for a while. Working from home is great, but my 16 year old Ikea desk just doesn't cut it any more. I wanted a standing desk plus I also wanted something that has more desk space.

After some delivery woes and trying to explain what happened to someone who's first language isn't English, it was delivered yesterday.

It took me all day today to set it up because it's a two-person job. It's heavy and it's fiddly and requires an element of accuracy that's hard to get when I am shifting a 40kg set of legs around, trying to match up pre-drilled holes to the millimetre.

Still, it was built and after a few teething issues (I was convinced I destroyed my monitors trying to tweak my setup), I managed to sit and admire it. Oh, and I flooded my kitchen as I was filling the sink for some washing up, got side-tracked with building the desk then had to spend half an hour mopping the kitchen. At least the floors are clean. And the dishes are done.

I'm loving it so far, thought it has only been 12 hours, and there'll be further tweaking tomorrow when I sit down for work.

Quizzacle.

S has just messaged asking if I wanted to go to a pub quiz. Ordinarily, I'd love to, but after last night's excesses, I just want to sit in, order a Chinese and chill in front of the telly.

He seems to go to this pub quiz every few weeks, so no doubt another invitation will be forthcoming in a few weeks.

Out out.

My online friend messaged me and invited me out for a drink. I met them in a city centre pub that had relevance to me for two reasons: the first was that it was the pub where CH and I first cemented what would be our friendship. We left work before every one else for one of our monthly work things, chatted for an hour or so before everyone else turned up, and I think that was it. That was all it took. The other, unspoken, lust stuff came later, but from the very first time, I think it was obvious we'd be friends.

The second reason is that CAB and I would use this pub for midweek dates. We both lived at home at the time, so privacy was in short supply. This bar was quiet and we discovered this blind spot that gave us privacy to talk and well, make out. So for the price of a couple of pints we'd sit in the corner for a few hours, chat, snog and I might have gotten a bit handsy (over the clothes) on occasion.

So, what was meant to be a few quiet drinks turned out to be a lot of drinks. We left that bar and went to a couple of others. I was doing my duty as host and showing them around and I think our bar scene impressed them because they loved all the bars I showed them.

Off work today, so I got a lie-in, which was needed after a lot of pints and a late finish.

FFS.

It appears that I am on this training course at the end of the month. I kinda knew that already as my boss had shared that information, but I had some time off pre-booked for that period so I was expecting to be rescheduled. An email came out earlier, confirming it.

The guy in charge of the training told me that it was a very intensive course and we should aim to not miss any, but this is not on me. Communication around this has been awful. A lot of information was shared yesterday that we should have been told weeks ago.

In fact, a lot of information should have been shared with our managers, to better let them choose who to send on the training, and when.

It's a pattern I've seen in work over the past two years - the standard and frequency of communication has dropped off a cliff. Don't get me wrong, there can be too much at times, and I've worked with people who demand "over communication" then cry because they're that swamped with emails and IMs, they can't keep track of everything.

But, on the plus side, there was a rumour shared that could mean a substantial pay rise "soon" (probably early next year). It's hard not to get excited about that, but at the same time, expectations need to be managed.

Urgh.

I've been feeling really run down over the past few weeks. Not ill per se, but I am definitely not firing on all cylinders. I am off this coming Friday as I am hopefully meeting an online buddy for a few drinks on Thursday. I would like to take more time off, but I have a mandatory training course coming up soon and can't do anything until I get the dates.

Once that's been sorted, then I can look at booking my remaining holiday time between now and the end of the year.

I've also gotten this feeling that things are just passing me by. That I am becoming even more isolated. I'm super low energy so I'm not reaching out to people as much. CC was "complaining" to KfW2 that I was now a hermit. I've not reached out to KfW2 in weeks, though she did send a "remember me?" text message yesterday but never followed up on my reply.

I should make more of an effort, but summoning the energy is difficult right now.

Let's go?

The wanderlust continues. It wasn't a dream this time, but a vague sense of deja vu. After I graduated from university, I travelled to New Zealand. For the first month or so, I just chilled and didn't do an awful lot. As part of this, I'd sometimes walk into town. It would be sunny and warm and I'd sit at a cafe and have breakfast and a coffee.

And it was this vibe that I got this morning. It was sunny, though not warm. And I was at the dentist, not at a nice cafe. But it still took me back. And as a knock-on effect of that, the desire to travel against wormed its way into my brain.

Nerdy Girl and I actually chatted about travel last week. She wants to go to Japan. I'll not lie, Japan is somewhere I'd like to see, but it's not top of my list. I think New York's still top of my list.

Time out.

I've got a day off booked at the end of the week. A friend is coming over for a stag weekend and I'm not invited, though I think we're meant to be meeting for drinks on Thursday. I say "friend", but he's a guy I chat to from one of the online forums I'm a member of and we do some gaming together.

I've met him before - he and his fiance were in my home town about ten years ago, but I cut the night short because of a last-minute message from G who'd come home.

But I've got a two-week training course coming up at the start of next month and I still have nearly two weeks of personal time to take. I'm feeling a little... dunno... not quite a funk but definitely not my usual self. I could do with another day. I might have to look into that and see how the rest of the year is going to pan out and plan accordingly.

Themes

For the second night in a row, I've had a dream that involved being somewhere foreign, and a woman. This time, I think it was Malta. I've only been there once, on a group holiday with KfW2 amongst others, and I've not thought about that in ages.

This time, the woman in question was an attractive girl from school. I think I've posted about her before: she was a girl that I accidentally saw naked at a friend's house party. I had a mild crush on her at school - she was very attractive, had an amazing figure, but was also really down to earth and generally nice.

In the dream, I bumped into her in Malta, we went for drinks, she explained that she was thinking about emigrating to Malta and one thing led to another and we ended up in bed.

We then spent the next few days exploring Malta to find somewhere for her to live. I woke before any kind of resolution.

I've not thought about this girl in months - she pops up on my Facebook feed semi-frequently, but that's the height of it. We've not spoken in years and she wasn't at our school reunion a few years back. So, it was all somewhat random having these things figure in the dream.

Wet dreams.

I had a dream last night that involved K, travel to New Zealand and my neighbours from the back of the house that I've not actually met. The details are somewhat fuzzy, but I travelled to NZ for some kind of espionage thing. I met my back neighbours, one of whom was an attractive woman in her early 30s (this is not the case IRL) and we hit it off over drinks by a random pool, only for K to arrive and ruin everything.

She did, though, talk me into taking her to my hotel room before things got physical in the shower.

I woke this morning somewhat frustrated (I've been low-key horny all week tbh) but also had that travel bug too.

The K thing is interesting as I can't remember the last time I thought of her, never mind sexually. Several aspects of the dream semi-mirrored real life - she deliberately hunted out women that I was chatting to online without my online hobby, including inviting herself to my home town when another friend was visiting. This was all done to ascertain if there was anything going on with them. The online hobby did create its own set of dalliances, though that wasn't my thing.    

And she was a huge fan of shower sex. We never actually fucked in the shower, but she made plenty of references to it when I was trying to get her to consider a FwB thing.

Let's not go.

Well, that lasted long. FBS reached out to Opinionated Guy who can't make the proposed dates, so we're back to square one. I suggested to the group that they arrange a night without me and we can do another one after Christmas.

I'm kinda dialling back stuff between now and December. I'm trying to put something in place, that I don't want to talk about right this minute, but if it comes off, then my availability is going to be limited, socially.

Saying that, there's still a work thing at the end of the month, and G has already hinted at a visit in the middle of November. It's pointless mentioning KfW2 at this stage. As I've repeatedly said, it's been nothing but trouble... Maybe trouble is the wrong word, but it feels like a pointless exercise. I ask her to name a date, she goes quiet, rinse and repeat.

Let's go

FBS was in touch to see if anyone was interested in meeting for drinks. Both D and I have already agreed and the tentative date is just over two weeks away. That's impressive for us... usually we need a month or so to get everyone's free time to line up. Friction Guy hasn't yet replied, so we'll need to see how this turns out. Otherwise, I don't think I'm free until mid-December at the earliest.

Missed opportunities.

It was M's wedding anniversary yesterday or Monday. He did mention it on Sunday evening, but I forgot all about it until wedding photos turned up in my Facebook memories today.

I took my own photos but I am disappointed by the lack of photos of MMBF and SBF who were both stunning that day to the point I even made some effort to take things to some level, at least with MMBF. I do have a few of E3, and sometimes I still wonder what might have happened had things turned out differently there instead of her trying to kiss me in full view of all our friends.

Yes, I'm stubborn... and private.

Let's go back.

Semi-randomly, BR sent through a couple of photos from school. Not casual photos, but staged, official photos. I went through old school photos a while ago, sharing some with USHW and pointing out old crushes of mine. I went to a mixed school and coupled, with teenaged Ruuude's hormones running amok, there were quite a few, including a few people mentioned on the blog before, like SJ.

So, yeah, it was a pleasant memory for a Monday morning.

Good times

A bit of a full day yesterday. The expected call from G came in and we met in one of our local bars. It's always great to chat to G and I think he likes chatting to me. We're both going through some family stuff, and G can't really talk to his wife about it.

M arrived in about an hour later and we continued the chat.

I also spent some time with my sis, going to hers for Sunday dinner. She used to invite me up every week, but that's only the second time this year that I've been up.

Still a good day all round though.

Cheers.

It turned out to be a decent enough evening. I arrived, with Stalky Guy, at the same time as Quiet Girl. We had drinks, some food and chatted. QG and I left for another nearby bar, spent an hour or so chatting, then Quiet girl decided she was going to go home. She admitted that she's a lightweight with alcohol and goes to bed early, which was disappointing cos she was great conversation and I think a little tipsy, bringing out a bit of a mischievous side that I'd liked to have seen more of. I did ask her about our work's Xmas party and she admitted that she'd likely not go. There was no real chat about her friend either, so I wonder if she ever admitted anything to QG? Or if I did imagine the whole thing (I'm leaning towards not though).

After her husband picked her up, I rejoined Stalky Guy and another few people. before long, they all left to go home leaving me and another girl from work. We stayed out late, she introduced me to this awesome cocktail bar, we had a few (expensive) cocktails before calling it a night and I got back into the house around 2 AM.

I was definitely a lot more drunk than I think I realised last night, and I'm blaming the expensive (and awesome) cocktails for that.

Doctor, doctor.

I might have had a little too much to drink last night. It was fun, but I need The Cure something rotten today.

Have some attractive women in backless dresses.

Surprise!

I've just gotten a message from G. He's home this weekend and did I fancy meeting for a few drinks? Of course!

So we've not made any firm plans, but it'll be tomorrow or Sunday evening.

A social enough weekend.

Potential.

It's a work event tonight. Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl will be there. Actually, Quiet Girl was the instigator. I'm hoping it'll be fun though I am very low energy today. Quiet Girl is good company though Stalky Guy can be very hit and miss on whether or not he's going to be a dick.

And, I'm not going to lie, I'm interested to find out if Quiet Girl's friend is going to show up. She's not part of the group chat in work that QG created.

It'll be good to get out of the house, too.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

I cut my hair tonight. That's not unusual in itself as I've been doing it for years. I don't have the type of hair that can be styled, so I bought myself a set of hair clippers years ago and do it myself.

I think I might have cut it a little too short, though. I don't think it's ever been this short, which isn't great as the weather gets colder. Oops!

Nice to see you...

So it appears that my glasses need to go back for new lenses. The last optician who did my eye test apparently "misjudged the distance from where I sit to the screen" despite calling it out numerous times.

On the plus side, if you allow me to be shallow, is that the optician today was a stunningly attractive brunette with dark eyes. Oh, baby. Engaged, I think, and probably twenty years younger than I am, but still, you gotta take these small bonuses when they arrive, don't you?

Bah.

Expanding on yesterday's post about my new glasses, I think I'll definitely have to go back to the opticians. I've found myself leaning forward to see my computer monitors (yes, monitors, I am a massive nerd), so I'm about 50 cm from the screens. I should be around 80 cm.

And that'll be even more apparent when my new desk arrives next week - it's 80 cm deep compared to my current desk which is 60 cm deep. So my new glasses would already be useless once I started using the new desk.

Sigh.

Aaaargh.

I went to pick my new glasses this evening. The nice people who took care of me weren't there, which is a shame for a few reasons. Firstly, they were nice. Secondly, they were more professional. I stood in the store for maybe 15 minutes before someone approached me to ask if they could be of assistance, while they chatted at their desks. And once I got my glasses, it felt like I was being rushed out the door.

I've only been wearing them for about an hour but they don't feel right. They're comfortable enough, but I think the focal length is all wrong - it's too short. I'll give it a day or so, but I reckon I'll be back by Wednesday evening to see if they can change the lenses.

Talk it out.

Both M and BR have given up alcohol, so when we get together these days, it's a much quieter affair. However, that doesn't stop the laughter from flowing and even though we were only out for a few hours at a local (and delicious) pizzeria, it was great to see the guys.

I know I have my frustrations with M's selfishness at times, but when you get him out, he's great company.

And the recharging I get from chatting to these guys is so much more than I get from, for example, the people from work.

One way.

Facebook reminds me that today is my 17th anniversary of being Facebook friends with AM. In reality, it's probably twice that. Except, for the series of pictures that Facebook has provided, it's not AM who's front and centre... it's QC1.

And that kinda takes me back to a point I've made before about not seeing AM as often as I would like, but also that I stopped making the effort because I was doing all the running.

It was this time last year that AM promised to arrange something, but I've not even heard from her, never mind gotten to a stage where she's organising something.

Pardon?

KfW2 called yesterday. Unsurprisingly, she was in the car, taking her kids somewhere. I could barely hear what she was saying as her kids were constantly chatting. It's starting to get me really down. 

I know that I've nearly always complained about the difficulty in getting some time with KfW2 in person, but this phone call thing is depressing, too. 

I love hearing from her, but it's not good quality communication - she's on speaker phone, it's rushed, she's distracted and the kids, if they are present, are often too loud to allow for a decent conversation. And, obviously, if the kids are present, we have to be aware of the topics of conversation.

At least if we're out for dinner and/or drinks, a lot of this stuff isn't a factor. But, despite sharing, once again, that I've found this year to be particularly tough, it still feels like it's not registering.

I don't want to force the issue. I'm still super-paranoid about burning bridges due to the CH incident (though I still maintain that I did nothing wrong there).

Coinkidink.

We had an impromptu work event yesterday. Well, a small gathering. There were four of us and we went out for lunch and drinks. I was back home quite early (around half past nine), and I'm feeling good this morning.

While I like my co-workers, I don't think that there'll ever be the same kind of bond that I had in my last team where I formed my friendship with KfW2, Stalky Guy and a few others who've probably been mentioned but have no blog labels.

However, one interesting titbit of information was that one of my co-workers might have worked with R2. I'm tempted to message her on Facebook to ask, even though it was 30 years ago.

Sigh.

I phoned KfW2 today, just a few minutes ago actually. She answered the phone for once, only to tell me that she couldn't talk as she was out for lunch with CC. Sigh. I wouldn't say that I'm jealous but it is frustrating to hear that CC managed to get KfW2 out for lunch while I seemingly have to move mountains to just prise a date out of her that she won't even confirm. And I guess a little bit angry, too.

I guess if I am being positive, this means that if I do get KfW2 out for dinner soon, CC won't be tagging along. Ever since she invited herself along a few years ago, I'm always paranoid that KfW2 will extend an invite or CC will simply invite herself along.

KfW2 promised to keep her phone handy over the weekend, so I'll try and get her on Sunday while I'm out doing some chores.

Argh.

People have always been surprised when I admit that I don't really like Indian food. That causes havoc when I go to my English friends to visit or stag weekends or whatever because of the culture of going out for beers and a curry. No-one ever asks about dietary requirements, they just assume. Now, I know that not liking something is not a dietary requirement, but it is one of the few things I simply refuse to eat.

So, I was slightly angry that M sent a message earlier off the back of BR's message from yesterday. He'd booked a restaurant. there was no conversation about times or dietary preferences. He just booked it. And it was an Indian. I considered just inventing a last-minute reason for not attending, but I really want to see BR.

I sent M a message, explaining the problem, and he eventually replied.

"No problem, I'll book something else."

OK. But he's still not engaging in conversation about what we might like. He's just doing it himself. I fucking hate that.

The eyes have it.

If I told you that I'd spent the past hour staring into attractive women's eyes, you'd think I was lucky or a pervert. But, sadly, it was all above board - I was getting my eyes tested. But, I have to say, they both had lovely eyes. I love a woman with dark eyes, and both women had dark brown eyes.

Hello again.

BR's just messaged to see if I am free at the weekend, specifically Sunday. I am. However, this won't mean a trip to the pub because BR no longer drinks. We will, though, go get some food somewhere. I've no idea where, mind you, but luckily BR hasn't asked me to suggest anything or book anything.

If we're lucky, M might join us, too.

Milestone

So, yeah, I've hit the milestone of 300 posts for the year. I still can't believe it to be honest, not just in terms of the number of posts this year, but the fact I'm still here 19 years later. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Coincidence.

While I've definitely posted in the past about the coincidences I come across semi-regularly, especially when it comes to social overlaps with friends knowing friends, this was a different kind. Three different friends all posted from the same coastal village on Facebook over the weekend: S, MMBF and a friend from school.

I think I've mentioned the coastal village before - it's where FA2's parents had their holiday home. It's a really nice spot, but it's 90 miles as the crow flies from my home town, so three people being in such a small village is unlikely.

Meat o'clock.

I'm having my first, and last, BBQ of the summer tonight. I was meant to invite my sis and brother-in-law down, but the weather isn't really conducive to sitting outside. Plus it's getting dark far too early. And isn't it the equinox today? Or yesterday? Sigh.

At least I've have enough meat cooked to see me through the next few days for lunches and dinners.

And when that's done, that'll be the end of this particular BBQ. it's had a good run, but charcoal BBQs are just too much effort and that partly explains why I've not had any BBQs this summer. It's too much time and effort, even for one person.

Well, well, well.

My boss sent me a message to let me know I'd be chosen for am intensive training course in October. That's a bit of an honour, but at the same time, I'm exactly the person to send because I can communicate well, so whatever I learn, I can write up and pass on to my colleagues.

I am worried that they might ask me to cancel some already-planned PTO days. At least one cannot be moved. I have a friend coming over from Wales. Well... more accurately, he's in town for another reason, but we've agreed to meet up one evening for drinks and I'm taking the next day off in case things get a bit lairy, which they're likely to be.

Let's see what pans out over the next few weeks.

Chillin'

I've taken some last-minute time of from work today, and another day off tomorrow. With the weather, I  plan on doing some gardening and then read a book in the back garden with some tunes playing.

I have a half-day of holiday next Friday, and some of us from work are meeting for lunch and a few drinks, and the week after that should be the work night out with Quiet Girl etc.

So a bit to be excited about over the next few weeks.

Numbers.

We're halfway through September and I'm only a few posts away from 300. It's already my busiest year on the blog and I'm set to blow the previous highest total away by a lot. I don't know why I am so post-y this year compared to the other years, especially given that I have been essentially a hermit this year, what with FP's passing last year, The Crowd growing apart and KfW2 being (deliberately) difficult to see in person.

There haven't even been too many "filler" posts where I'd post pictures of attractive women just because I was horny. There might be one soon though, cos this spell of good weather is really getting to me.

Still, even if my output drops to half of what it's been over the past few months, it's still looking like an end of year tally of around 360 posts. That's almost a post per day. And to think, when I first kicked this blog off back in 2005, that I thought I'd never have the attention span (or the will to share some of my inner thoughts) to make it last.

A rare mini digest

A bit of a digest today. Facebook has informed me that CH is moving house. I've not spoken to her in years, so I've no idea where she's going to. I assume she's up-sizing as she has three growing kids. 

I've been thinking about CH quite a bit over the past few weeks, though I couldn't explain why she's been on my mind so much. Subconsciously, it might be because it's around this time of year where it's her birthday, we had a night out where she was extremely tactile and also sent a series of sweet messages telling me how much she valued my friendship and another night where she sent a series of messages that gave off a vibe of something unknown. And there all would have been flagged as Facebook memories or notifications.

Additionally, it's CC's birthday today. I've messaged her about maybe going out for dinner. She's agreed, and I've left it up to her to decide on where she wants to go.

Also, work has dropped me a surprise Amazon voucher, so I'm just browsing Amazon to see if I can treat myself to something shiny and new.

Questioning.

Quiet Girl created a group chat in work and sent a message about the upcoming work event at the start of next month. There are five people in it - QG, me, Stalky guy and two others. However, one person that's not on the list is QG's friend that may has asked me to text her, from the last social event.

It may be because the next event is a quiz, it may be that she's a single parent and can't get a baby-sitter, it might even be that I was correct that she did ask me to text her and is embarrassed and doesn't want to see me. Who knows? The important thing is that she's (a little surprisingly) not in the chat.

However, it's a night out with QG, which are always good fun. She's good company, and I like her dry, sardonic sense of humour.

SUNday

I'm just back from the day out that my brother-in-law invited me to. It was a great day. It wasn't exactly the day he'd planned, but it was still fun. The weather was a great help. It was originally forecast to be overcast but warm and dry. However, there was bright sunshine all day long. I've even got sunburn, which isn't bad going for the middle of September. It's the first touch of sun I've had all summer, to be honest.

It was great to see that much sun and be out and about instead of being chained to the desk.

My legs are killing me. My foot is killing me. And I think I'll need to look at physiotherapy for it. When I start work tomorrow, I'll have top find out how I can start that conversation with my healthcare provider.

Urgh.

Over the past few weeks, I've been watching an awful lot of YouTube videos of people who have moved to Japan and are posting videos around their lives there. I think that fed into a dream I had last night. As did a recent rewatch, on Thursday night, of "Lost in Translation".

In the dream, I was watching a friend of mine (I think KfW2 or E, but it wasn't clear) in these videos with one of the Japan-based YouTubers (is that a real word?). However, at the end of the videos, the YouTuber announced that they'd bought a house for my friend. And I was sad because my friend hadn't told me that they were a) moving to Japan and b) had a house fully paid for, and gifted to them, by this "celebrity".

I woke up feeling pretty down with some wanderlust mixed in, too. It was a pretty weird combination, to be honest.

But in trivia news, and somewhat of a coincidence, Thursday was the 21st anniversary of the film's original release.

Swiping up.

 No doubt you'll recognise Chris Hemsworth from this picture. Thor himself.

But Thor is not the reason for posting the picture, it's his wife, Elsa Pataky. She's the spitting image of a woman I've seen this week on the online dating apps, like Tinder. The reason that she's stood out is because she looks like our senior finance officer. Like, as close to the top of the tree that you can get without being The Big Boss.

Well, she's cute too.

But I'm not swiping right.

Get out again.

My brother-in-law has just messaged to invite me on his corporate tickets on Sunday at a local sporting event. I'll be honest, I'm not interested in the sport itself, but I have recently tried to make more of an effort to get out of the house and be social and this kind of opportunity needs consideration.

Not a lot of consideration, mind you. It took me 5 mins to reply to say that I'd love to go. I hope there's not a lot of standing around as my foot is still sore, but it should still be good fun.

Beep!

I've managed to renew the contract on my phone AND buy a new phone AND I'm going to be saving about £30 per month. I'm feeling pretty fucking pleased with myself, if I am being honest, plus I get new shiny things that go 'beep' to satisfy my inner nerd.

Ideally speaking.

Somehow, last week with Nerdy Girl, our conversation turned to the topic of Ideas Girl. I can't remember what provoked the change in topic to IG, but it did happen. Nerdy Girl knew Ideas Girl as they used to work for the same company, and sat quite close to each other.

Oh! I know what it was. Nerdy Girl was talking about a guy who we both knew, and was sharing that she thought he was a dick. I agreed with her. I had my own interactions with him and it's not even a debate. He's a dick.

But the topic that brought us on to Ideas Girl was that at one of our works Christmas parties, Ideas Girl allegedly spent a long time turning down the advances of this guy. He was persistent to the point where she was genuinely concerned for her safety. It took her a month or so to tell me and swore me to secrecy. I never shared the details of the story, but simply mentioned that there was an interaction between the two.

Nerdy Girl then shared that she'd thought that Ideas Girl was a bit of a man eater. This kinda flies in the face of anything Ideas Girl ever said to me, in that I never heard her admit to me that she was pursuing someone and was adamant that she didn't do casual sex. Mind you, she did spend quite a long time seemingly having feelings for me, so it's kinda logical that she wasn't volunteering that information.

She was quick to tell me about the men chasing her, mind you. Well, three of them. One of whom was married and one was that moron above.

Nerdy Girl wasn't able to supply actual details, or maybe wasn't willing.

But, yeah, I completely forgot to share that from last week's walk with Nerdy Girl.

Those were the days.

Yesterday afternoon, from a work perspective, was a washout. Back-to-back pointless meetings for the entire afternoon, so I disengaged and went down a rabbit hole of old blog posts and emails with USHW. A few got me in particular, about QC2.

I had a fairly big crush on her, back in the day. While I never made any moves and I was generally pretty good at not showing it, I'm pretty sure she knew.

But that didn't stop us from being friends and I'm still kinda sad that we simply stopped seeing each other a few times a year for a few drinks.

But the memories, in particular, were of me, QC2 and Friction Guy at our favourite bar. For all her perceived standoffishness, she could be quite tactile with those she liked. And she was, in my opinion, very attractive. So it was always interesting watching the reaction of some of the guys near to us when QC2 would get a few vodkas in and start dishing out the hugs to FG and myself. If she brought out her friends, which she did often, they'd be exactly the same. And they weren't unattractive either.

I may have also mentioned that she wore 501s extremely well, and seemed to have a collection of black 501s. that, I'm sure, was also a factor in the admiring glances she got in the pub.

But, yeah, it's over ten years since we last saw each other and a much, much longer time since the three of us were in the pub together.

Get out.

We've just been sent an email in work for another social event at the start of October. I like our monthly events - they're good fun. I hope to attend this one. Stalky Guy seems unsure. Quiet Girl is off work this week, but when she comes back next Monday then I'll be asking her if she's going. I won't be asking about her friend who might have said something to me when we were last out, but I'll be interested to see a) if she comes out and b) what she says/does if she does come out.

I've no massive interest in following through with her, but it is flattering to have the attention, and as I think I've said before, she is good fun. A drinking buddy rather than anything else.

So that means that I have something to look forward to every two weeks between now and the start of November. That's not bad given my lack of socialising over the summer months.

Just one more thing.

Facebook reminds me that it's 11 years to the day that I got ambiguous texts from CH, where she was timidly asking me to meet up with her even though she was on a night out. In fact, it might have even been a hen night.

I recall discussing this with USHW at the time and she backed up my assumption that this wasn't an ordinary "come out for a drink", but something more. Something that might cross a line.

And then she went quiet, and that was it. When she subsequently told the tale a few weeks later, it was a heavily sanitised version.

As I type this, it's suddenly occurred to me that it was the same year that CH got very drunk at our work Christmas party and gave off other hints about meeting her in a friend's hotel room after she took a nap, where I got sidetracked by a co-worker for a chat and GB beat me to it.

I'd never put those two together before, but yeah, only a few months apart. Now I feel like Columbo putting clues together.