Ups and downs.

It was a mixed day. I slept poorly. No, strike that. I slept well, but I woke early. Probably around 3:30 AM and I didn't really get back to sleep. I got up around 9 AM, though hangover-free, which was great bearing in mind that I'd been drinking with FP since 4 PM the previous day until about midnight, all thanks to the FA Cup final and Eurovision Song Contest.

KfW2 messaged me about noon. Was I still interested in doing something with her? I certainly was. The original plan was for her to pick me up at 1 PM. She would call into the shop, and then pick me up she advised, so this was slightly later than planned. I went off to get ready.

I didn't hear my phone chime again with further messages from KfW2 as I was off brushing my teeth etc. It was 45 mins later when I looked at my phone. Actually, she asked, did I mind going to hers, instead? I mean... I don't mind going to hers, but it's usually 90 minutes door-to-door, and two bus journeys and a 20-minute walk. Plus, there would be a restricted Sunday service.

I replied back and let her make the call. She could stick with the original plan or she could ask me to go to hers. She replied instantly - would I go to hers? I replied in the affirmative and started planning the journey.

As I said above, I don't mind going to hers, but it's the last-minute change of plans and unexpected inconvenience that I don't like.

Anyhoo, long story short, I had a great day and I never mentioned my frustrations because, as USHW is fond of telling me, I'm a sucker for a pretty face. When the kids were away playing, we even managed a semblance of a proper, grown-up conversation. The main talking points were work and mental health.

I'll not bore you with the work stuff (I might post at a later date about it), but the mental health chat was interesting. It kinda started because KfW2 was asking me about DSC and her recent Facebook messages, so I read them out to her.

"Were you in a bad way when you stopped talking to her?" asked KfW2.

"Not that I can remember. I don't think so. Certainly not depressed or messed-up as she claims."

"When was it?"

"The last time I spoke to her was the week before your wedding."

"That's nine years ago!"

"Yeah."

"Mmmm. I don't remember you having any issues back then. Moody, maybe, but nothing like she said."

Which brought us to our current mental health. I admitted that I thought mine was in a bad place, but also admitted that I couldn't put a finger on exactly what might be wrong. I suggested that lockdown, the pandemic, work issues in 2021, lack of exercise and isolation/isolating were all taking their toll.

Later, back at KfW2's (we'd been out to a nearby park for a walk), I expanded a little and suggested that my own non-professional diagnosis was that I was an introvert with social anxiety issues. I think I've pretty much admitted the same thing on this blog.

I'd also shared with her that the attractive HR girl had given me some leads on help with anxiety issues that I was facing at the end of last year, but I'd not yet followed up on them. Like a lot of things, they are sitting on a "to do" list that I keep forgetting to check.

"I kinda think that if I start unravelling those (the 2021 anxiety things), that it's going to open up a can of worms, too."

"Don't bury this, though," advised KfW2.

"No. I hope that now we're coming out of isolation and stuff, plus the summer coming in, that I can get out, be more active, see more people and that'll help. If my assumptions are correct, of course. If not, then I'll look into it."

She nodded.

"Please do."

KfW2 paused.

"And I'm here for you if you ever need to talk."

"Thank you," I replied.

I knew that already, but it's nice to hear. 

"No one said adulting was this hard," she said.

I stepped in and hugged her.

"No. No, they didn't. And you know that I'm there for you too, right?"

She said nothing but squeezed a bit tighter.

We moved on to other topics, and I left to get the bus home a short while later. I had mixed feelings coming home - a little lonely, a little melancholy, but really glad we had the talk.