KfW2 and I have a tradition, but it's nothing out of the ordinary, we simply meet for lunch at some point between Xmas and New Year. That day was yesterday. These days, things are slightly different... certainly less alcohol-centric. It seems we've swapped the post-lunch drinks with trips around the shops, which is disappointing from my point of view. I prefer my chats to take place somewhere comfortable and the odd swig of something alcoholic really doesn't do any harm in loosening me up.
I managed to get a few things off my chest - the ongoing CH thing, the GM contact issue (now resolved), the New Year's Eve frustrations and finally the ongoing funk. I explained that I was frustrated with GM's contact as I'd had a chat with him about my funk. GM knows how much I need to get out on NYE, and I've been pushing it each year for the past three or four years (before that, it was house parties arranged early enough by others that we weren't scrambling on December 30th). Yet, despite that, when I contacted him earlier to find out his plans, he replied that he was going to tag along with S. I've already mentioned how frustrated I am that S has gone out of his way to arrange something after my own suggestions. The news from GM has really frustrated me and, once again, brought up the loneliness I feel at this time of year.
Despite being the core of our circle of friends, the one night I really need/want people to get on board with my arrangements is the one night they simply don't want to know: NYE. They're happy enough for me to arrange nights out at the Christmas Market, summer nights out etc. all year round except NYE.
So I told KfW2 about the ongoing funk, that things like NYE, while not directly related, did have a negative effect. We also talked about CH. I told KfW2 about my frustrations at the inability to get CH out socially, that her backing off when I tried to have personal conversations made me angry and that I didn't know if I was going to bother addressing it because CH is actively looking for another job. Once she leaves our company, I don't expect to see her ever again. KfW2 was surprised. We had a chat about unreliable friends for a bit - KfW2 has her own to contend with.
In between each topic, KfW2 returned to my funk/loneliness, pondering what to do about it. She asked questions about the type of messages I had been sending, but I replied that there was nothing more I could have done. I did get the impression that KfW2 thought that maybe the lack of online dating success was down to the messages I was sending. I reiterated my theory that the messages don't count - if you have a picture and the other person finds you attractive, your message will get read and replied. I don't think she agrees simply because one of her friends got a girlfriend online and she thinks he's practically undateable.
All-in-all, I had a pretty successful afternoon, conversation-wise, and came away from KfW2's in a good mood. A lot of the things that are currently bothering me are now in the open with KfW2, even if solutions aren't immediately available.
I just have to get NYE over me and look forward to a social weekend (possibly out with KfW2, FP and G)... and then get stuck into 2015's goals.
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