Returning to a previous line of thought, namely my friends where the friendship seems to be lopsided, I have to say that I don't think this is a new thing. For years, for example, and I am sure there's evidence on this very blog, I have complained about how frequent AM and QC1 are in contact. I was always a driving force behind a group of us going out and as soon as I stopped making the effort, then I essentially stopped seeing them. That hurt because, for many years, AM was possibly my closest friend. Certainly, she was the one person that I could sit down with and just talk, and there haven't been a lot of people I can say that about - even those I've dated.
The last few times I've tried to arrange something with AM or QC1, I've done all the running, chasing and suggesting only for QC1 (mainly) to make aribtrary decisions at the last moment, trying to change all the plans we'd made previously. The last time, I suggested meeting for lunch on Tuesday at 1230 and stated explicitly that I was pretty restricted on when I could go. QC1 changed it to Thursday at 1300, and then got affronted that I couldn't make it. So, I quietly gave up about a year ago and haven't heard from either of them since -go figure.
What people do is, in my opinion, a lot more important than what people say. Talk, as the saying goes, is cheap. I don't want to hear promises that you don't keep, I want to see you act on what you say or even surprise me by doing it without saying. FA2 was similar in attitude, though for different reasons. Before we started dating/sleeping together, she was as unreliable as AM/QC1. When it got physical and looked as if it were heading towards a relationship, she almost became a different person and was attentive and made the effort, then when she moved away, she resorted to her earlier persona. It was almost as if she did it because she felt she had to (reading the manual of relationships), not because it was natural to her... and her (emotional) distance was partly why it all ended while she was away. FP is another person who seems to want his own way all the time, and if it looks like he might not get it, he tends to make himself unavailable.
On the other hand, E has been a great friend. While we have had our moments where we talk about our emotional and personal lives (and she has shared some very personal and emotive things), I think our friendship is defined by the fact that we've gone out of our way for each other when required. For that reason alone, I class her as one of my closest and best friends and I'm sad because we now live half a planet apart.
I don't know if I hold my friends to particularly high standards - I believe that I base them on myself. I treat my friends the way that I want to be treated and that's why it's disappointing when I go out of my way to help someone (dispensing lots and lots of career advice to GB over the past few months, for example) and get little in return.
I have to say that most of my issues are with female friends. I don't know if there's some kind of communication issue going on here that I don't yet understand or if it's the general nature of male/female friendships. Or maybe I'm just a mug.
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