Words of wisdom

I read a post on a forum recently that immediately brought back memories of RB...

"Don't let the last one ruin you for the next one."

I hope she knows this and learns from it soon.

Actually, I blogged the entire RB thing on a forum, anonymously, just to see what feedback I'd get there. Almost universally, people were amazed things fell apart. It was good to see that most people said the same things that AM, A and QC2 had been saying... right people, right place, wrong time etc.

Grrr...

As if the recent RB incident isn't taking the piss enough, every time I log into Facebook, the fucking adverts it serves up are almost taunting me for being my age and single.

Yes, I fucking know and yes, I am fucking unhappy about it, now piss off and stop taking the piss, you stupid fucking adverts.

Introspective.

A night out last night with a female cousin coupled with a conversation this morning with E has prompted me to evaluate exactly why I've been restless for pretty much all of this year.

My cousin prompted me for details on the RB situation, which caused a certain amount of frustration and disappointment to rise again (though I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about RB on and off over the past week). She got the entire story, but wasn't able to offer any solutions, though I hadn't asked for any and I don't believe there are any beyond what I've already blogged about in previous posts. It was still nice to talk it through (again).

E was slightly more helpful and I think I've pretty much pinpointed the source of the restlessness. It's something I've often blogged about, but never really given much consideration to it apart from having the odd moan. I believe that the answer is my lack of social life. The RB incident has excacerbated this restlessness which I believe was originally prompted by my travelling earlier this year. RB was a route into being more active, meeting new people and widening my social circle. Irrespective of whether we ended up as friends or something more, then RB was someone/something that could have made my social life better... an opportunity now denied.

So what do I do now? How can I make my social life better so that I'm not relying on FP to head out of an evening? That's something I need to think about. I have some ideas that I need to explore fully...

Game over: the fallout

Sending the email was the best thing that RB could have done for me. I've been in a remarkably good mood ever since in stark contrast to the frustration and impatience from last week. As I've already posted, I've left it open for RB to contact me if she changes her mind, but I really don't think that will happen unless we happen to meet each other and have a conversation which probably means bumping into her in the pub. I have a gut feeling that we might still see each other out and about and if that is the case, I hope she doesn't shy away and we are able to have a chat.

There still is an element of frustration, mind you. When opportunities come along as infrequently as they do regarding me and girls, I'm still frustrated that RB has made a hasty decision based on very little information. I still believe we could have been, at the very worst, good friends.

I told FP the entire tale last night and he was the only person so far to have suggested that I was appearing overly keen. I disagree, of course, but he's right to voice that opinion. Even then, he did agree that it is a hasty decision and large assumption on RB's part.

Definitely game over.

I woke this morning to an email from RB. Once I'd gotten over the surprise that she'd made contact, I read it and, as expected, it was a "thanks but no thanks" email.

She specifically mentioned that she thought I was looking for more than she was and that was her main reason for refusing further contact. Of course, I think she's wrong. Had she said something like "I think you're keener than I am", then I'd agree. I think I am... but then she's been someone I've been thinking about on and off since our original meeting about five weeks ago. RB's perspective is different as I effectively popped out of thin air about two weeks ago, so she might not have had as much time to consider our friendship.

The difference here is interpretation, I think. I've been pro-active in making contact, both in supplying original contact details, then calling her to ask her out on a date and then following up last week when she never made contact as promised. I don't think I've been too intense, especially given her silence but I can understand why or how she might come to her conclusion. I am disappointed that she's made that decision without meeting up at least one more time.

There's also the point that she was scared off because our one and only date went so well. Right at the end of the evening, she mentioned that she couldn't date because of issues/baggage but still wanted to get to know me. The fact that we were lying in her bed involved in some rather splendid kissing (and not for the first time) says to me that she was at least keen to a certain extent.

However, getting back to what RB said in her email, my attitude has always been simply to take each date/meeting as it comes and see how things pan out (with perhaps a vague notion that this might end up being a romantic rather than platonic relationship), or rather that was the plan until RB went AWOL. RB's attitude is almost the opposite... if there's an obstacle, then don't overcome it and if you can run away then do so. At least, that's my analysis based on the two meetings and subsequent events and various things that RB said. It seems that, for her, my assumed targets for our friendship were too large to overcome, despite this being the early stages of our friendship. Personally, I don't think it matters if I want more than her or not, as long as I don't force the issue and try to get RB into bed or any other non-platonic action. She would have to meet me socially to find that out, though.

I sent a final message thanking her for at least telling me (I chose not to mention that she should have done this last fucking week and that she might have acted her age) and that I disagreed with her assumptions, but true to my attitude throughout, I'm not closing any doors and mentioned if she changes her mind, I'd love to meet, as friends.

WTF am I doing?

RB's email address pretty much landed in my lap today. After my "Game over" comment last night, I spent all afternoon trying to decide if I should use it.

I did.

I'm still having trouble believing that she can't send a simple "no thanks" message and is preferring to 'hide' for want of a better word.

One thing that is very definitely true is that I am in another phase where I am unhappy being single. Having a potential relationship dangled in front of me with RB who is still a very good looking woman (and then yanked away for no good reason) has made me want a relationship... at least it does at the moment.

Game over.

No contact.

Game over? (Part two)

It's game over, or rather it will be in about four hours when I consider it too late to call anyone. Generally that's 10 PM... text messages are another matter. Not that I'm actually expecting RB to call or text. I'm not. However, I'm still rather confused as a) I still don't believe she's the type to go silent and b) there's no reason to avoid me as she does obviously like me (and I still think romantically rather than in a platonic way). Even if she doesn't want to socialise or become friends, why avoid sending a text message saying "thanks but no thanks"? Is that too much to ask for? This is the bit that gets me and a little part of me thinks there might be some other reason.

Still, we're in to the final hours now.

I'm hugely disappointed in both RB and the general situation. It's just like me to find a girl that I like, who likes me in return, but who has so much baggage she doesn't actually want to see me or contact me.

I know that, reading back that last sentence, it sounds a little desperate, almost as if I'm talking myself into some idea that she does like me, but she does. I was on the date and the open body language was there, she was vocally appreciative and said nice things about me to her housemate, plus invited me to kiss her quite a lot and enjoyed it, too.

The past few days have been emotionally draining. I did really want her to call over the weekend after my text message and phone call of last week, but the lack of response has been frustrating and disappointing. Today, at work, I was totally distracted all day long. I hope by drawing a line under RB this evening that I become more focussed this week.

All about FA1.

I was in contact with FA2 on Facebook last night. FA2 continues to astound me with her contact. Admittedly, I was the one that initiated contact, but FA2's questions were weird and her own side of the conversation was brief. She, quite predictably, questioned the status of my love life, but even when faced with the story of RB (not all of it, just the important bits), didn't really appear to be interested, instead skipping off on to other subjects while I was still in the process of explaining things. It's almost like she's ticking boxes that need ticked when she asks questions, but with no real interested in the answers. However, she was nosey enough to sift through my Facebook profile and ask questions about some people, such as E and one of E's friends.

She mentioned about me heading out to her neck of the woods for a visit, but I never mentioned that I had been there earlier this year, instead saying that I wouldn't be back for the foreseeable future. When it came to her own life, she was saying very little.

I'm not annoyed as such. I've had eight years or so to get used to FA2's foibles and it was me that initiated contact last night, so it's not as if I can blame her for that. Still, I am reminded that FA2 is a useless friend and that my avoidance of her during me holiday was justified.

Aargh!

So my fluctuating emotions regarding the RB thing continues... After convincing myself this morning that it was all over and I shouldn't bother with her anymore, I gained this new sense of optimism that she will call tomorrow or Monday and even if she doesn't, I should try one more time to get in contact.

I shouldn't contact her again. Logically, I think what I've done this week has been pretty spot on and ordinarily, I would leave it. However, I don't think that RB and myself hooking up has been anything normal in the dating sense. Getting contact details to her via post is one thing that's not 'normal'. Calling her at work nearly three weeks after meeting her is another. So maybe I should chance my arm one last time at contact? Why would I do such a thing? Ignoring the lack of contact, which is one of my biggest annoyances in acquaintances, I do think we could be good friends. I think our date showed that and I hate this idea that we don't work at something. That's partly the reason why I'm annoyed at her 'no dating' decision.

This could all change again tomorrow. I'll have to see how I'm feeling then before making any final decision.

Game over?

On the advice of QC2, I waited another few days then sent another text message yesterday morning, asking to meet up this weekend. There has been no reply, so I am forced to give up hope that anything will develop with RB. Or rather, I will if she hasn't been in contact by tomorrow night as I tend to give people a couple of days to return a call, text or email.

As I've already said, I'm not convinced that RB is the type to ignore the contact, but she's had nearly four full days to reply to my initial phone call and voice mail and hasn't done so. I'm angry and somewhat frustrated about the whole thing. With RB being in her thirties, I had thought that she might be a little more mature in her contact and not rely on silence as an avoidance mechanism, especially when she's already mentioned friendship rather than a relationship.

I'm fighting the urge to give her a third and final chance come the start of next week but I think that might be pushing the issue somewhat and I should just give up. Every now and again I gain this burst of optimism that she might yet get in contact, but I think that's just wishful thinking linked to how much I wanted something to develop with RB.

Did the fact that I cancelled the cinema night to go out with D cost me a friendship?