Woah.

A few days ago, I made a rare post on Facebook. I don't update my status much (or my profile picture etc.) I just use it to be in contact with people. On the rare occasions that I do make updates, they're usually self-deprecating and not at all serious.

My post was one of those - a pandemic-related, self-deprecating post. And I posted it to provoke a response because, as I've either said or implied elsewhere, I am feeling a little isolated. And the reaction was great - plenty of people reacted, commented and took the piss. That was exactly what I wanted.

What I wasn't expecting were outliers to say something. Outliers are people who I'm friends with on Facebook who don't really interact with me on the site or in the real world. People like FA2 or V, both of whom reacted or commented. Sports Girl, too, came out of the woodwork to post.

G sent a message over WhatsApp rather, weirdly, comment on Facebook (he is a member).

I'm actually touched by the number of people who have responded in some shape or form.

Sigh.

KfW2 called round last night. It wasn't unexpected - she had said that she would, at some point. We spent a pleasant few hours just chatting.

I let slip that I was feeling slightly isolated, though emphasised that this was primarily more professional than personal (though that's a factor too). Stalky Guy is the boss's favourite and it has really shown during this lockdown. My boss has contacted me, directly, twice since we went into lockdown on March 16th and both those times were because Stalky Guy was unavailable.

I let slip this nugget of information to KfW2 who was appalled. But what can you do? Call it out? Theoretically, you could. I don't have the skills to do that in a way that doesn't sound like a rant about favouritism, even though the complaint is really more about my boss's lack of soft skills.

While I may be borderline ASD or ADHD or social anxiety (or even all three, as discussed with KfW2 last night), even I recognise the need for managers to engage with the people they're responsible for, at a personal level. I suggested to KfW2 that the boss should be doing more. My example was a personal, non-work phone call, just to check-in from a mental health perspective. My company is big on things like mental health etc. but I'm not seeing that reflected at my level.

"I don't do that!" she exclaimed.

She expanded on the topic, but it turns out that she's doing something similar in her own way... and she's doing a LOT of it. But I expected that. KfW2 has a lot of empathy and will try her best to look after the people she's in charge of.

She conceded that I did have a point and repeated her shock at my manager's (lack of) actions.

We circled back to the ASD conversation and we talked about some of the questions that were in the "assessment". For example, KfW2 and I have differing opinions on my ability to make friends. I think it's difficult, because I find social interaction difficult, but when I find people who I'm comfortable with, and like, then I will move mountains to maintain those friendships. KfW2 thinks I make friends easily and suggested that she was a little jealous of some of my friendships. She also suggested that she was bad at making friends. I, of course, disagreed. KfW2's problem (if you view it that way) is that she doesn't make a lot of long-term friends.

However, she's made friends of her own in recent years, so she can make friends.

Status Update: Week 3

It's not been a good start to the week. Stepping onto the scales this morning and it registered 228.5 lb. That's an INCREASE in 4.5 lbs since this time last week.

While the exercise fell by the wayside a little (and yesterday was a write-off, diet wise), the calorie deficit was still in place.

I was expecting a slowdown in the amount of weight lost (averaging at 2.5 lbs per week since the start), though I was still expecting to be lighter than last week's check in.

This is, obviously, a concern as a gain of 4.5 lbs in one week is substantial. Calorie-wise that's an additional 16 thousand calories, or an additional 2 thousand per day (roughly speaking). Bearing in mind I was operating at a rough 600 calorie per day deficit, then I really have to wonder.

Oh dear.

Ever had "The Fear" after a night of drinking and partying? I haven't... but today I have an overwhelming sense of... something. Something not being right.

I don't know if it's related to the fact that the early morning, work-based phone call yesterday didn't go 100% smoothly (it really shouldn't have an influence), but I still feel like something's just over the horizon that's going to go badly for me.

I'm also kinda burned out (presumably with work, but there could well be a lockdown influence here). And fed up. And while I'm actually saving a bit of money during this pandemic, the fact that Stalky Guy is earning 30% more than me has been niggling at the back of my mind for a few weeks.

Ideally, I'd take a few days off, meet some friends, hit the pub and that would be enough to recharge my batteries and give me a boost again. That's not something that's going to happen any time soon though.

When the pubs do re-open, I already have semi-agreed nights out with KfW2 and FBS/D/Opinionated Guy and Brusque Guy with just the dates to be confirmed. I daresay other nights will be talked about (S, GM etc. for example), so there are things to look forward to.

Blast from the past.

D sent me a picture...

"Remember this?"

It took a few seconds, but then the penny dropped. It was our old stomping grounds from when I was a teenager. That prompted fond memories of being a mischievous teenager... but it also prompted memories of a girl who was pretty much my first girlfriend and the person with whom I lost my virginity.

It brought a smile to my face on a day where it was needed. I'm still feeling the after effects of this morning's early start.

FFS.

"I need help!" bleated Stalky Guy about 2 months ago.

Sigh. He's meant to be good at his job... able to work on his own... all that stuff you expect from someone who gets good scores from managers and seemingly can do no wrong and is classed as a senior team member. But he's not - he's very insecure and needs constant reassurance. I agreed to help him.

And that time for help was last night. Well, this morning. At 4 AM, to be exact. After two hours of sleep. Followed by a 5 hour phone call where, quite frankly, people who should know better were fucking useless and annoying me.

Then I went to bed for a power nap and woke two hours later to a missed test message from Stalky Guy because something had gone wrong. Presumably he couldn't solve it on his own. The problem was solved eventually, before I got online, but no-one's told me what the problem is/was.

In the past, this would have been a huge deal and fingers would have been pointed and heads would have rolled. These days, if you can resolve these problems quickly, then there's less of a witch hunt. Let's see what Monday morning brings.

Questionable Actions

In a state of boredom and avoiding some really dry online training courses that I had to do for work, I fired up Tinder. My location has been reset to my hometown, the free "roaming" boost seemingly ended.

London-based people looking for women through Tinder/do online dating - do not take for granted the standard of dating profile you have to wade through compared to what I am used to.

There were some attractive women in my queue, though with little to say for themselves in their profiles. No hook ups and no one-night stands, you say? Quelle surprise!

And then, who should pop up but E's sister. She had plenty to say for herself and lots of pictures as well! I noticed that with Attractive Neighbour tool. It must be something to do with people who are used to having their photo taken - AN, ES, and the local celebrities that pop up sometimes all seem to have more photos on display than the average woman.

I must message ES and find out if she's having any luck (prediction: she won't be). I've swiped right, not because I want to date ES, but for some banter if she does the same.

A touching story.

I broke social distancing today and while I'm not going to go into the details of why, I will say that there were extenuating circumstances and I would do it again. I gave away a hug to a family member who needed one. It also turn s out that I needed one too. That's my first human contact in, what, eight weeks? It felt good. I am touch starved at the best of times, but I love a hug. Ultimately, I think the hug ended up helping us both.

*taps foot*

Not an awful lot to say about this. I'm not a huge Pulp fan, but this is a GREAT song. Easily my favourite of theirs... and Sophie Ellis-Bextor does a brilliant cover of it. Get your ears around this.

I wish this was on Spotify.

Status Update: Week 2

The second weigh-in is done and the magic umber is 224.0 lbs, that's just under two and a half pounds lost this week, which is good going especially with me having a load of beers on Friday. In total, that's roughly 7.5 lbs since I stood on the scales just over two weeks ago.

224 is also the first stage goal. That's 16 stone or 101 kg. The next goal is 210 lbs (or 15 stone or 96  kg). If things go the way they have done, I could make that by the middle or end of June.

Exercise was intermittent last week, but this week I'm definitely going to try and get back into the yoga, as well as continue the lunchtime walking.

Calorie counting is still something I'm adapting to, and I still have to fix my bike, so that form of exercise is off the table until i can dig out the manual for the gears.

Rewind (Part 2)

I've continued to go through some of the old chat logs that I've found again, this time a little more recent than 2004... 2010! Specifically, 2010 and chatting to DSC. While I knew that I had said to her about finding her friend attractive, I couldn't recall any details... but I've been quite direct in the chats - appreciating DSC's friend's rack, suggesting we (myself and DSC's friend) hook up the next time we arrange a night out etc. When our conversations had substance and she wasn't just bitching about her useless boyfriend, DSC and I had some decent chat and covered some decent topics.

She was very supportive in my online dating journey, but couldn't understand how she was getting dozens of messages every day and I was getting, if I was lucky, one a month. Like KfW2, she just didn't really understand how my experiences were different and how, if I did online dating for any length of time, it really got me down.

Hooking up with DSC's friend never happened, though I do know of at least one time that DSC suggested to her friend that we get horizontal. There was a reference to a photo of DSC's friend, so I went off to Facebook to refresh my memory and got sidetracked down another rabbit hole, this time photos and a realisation (as I'd completely forgotten) of the year that MM and MMBF came out for my birthday.

I've only scratched the surface of the chat logs. I bet there are loads of memories buried in there.