Frustrations

Yesterday was tough. I managed to get myself from the airport to my hotel without any real incident, despite being awake for more than 48 hours straight. Booking into the hotel also went without incident and I was soon relaxing on the bed, watching crap TV.

The weather was crap, I wasn't yet home (being forced into an overnight stay due to no connecting flights), I was fairly despondent due to my holiday being over and I was still pondering the two main E situations, namely the OMG stuff, plus this recurring confusion over my relationship with E. (There was also, as I pointed out to USHW, great potential for the hotel room to be used in a fuck-fest and the recent dalliances on holiday have only made me more aware of my single-ness right now, and that alone was frustrating.)

Just before I left, E mentioned (suggested? asked? I'm not sure) if I might even consider spending more time there, working. She knew my answer before I gave it (we kinda touched on this earlier in the holiday). She knows I can't make that decision right now, but it's something I wouldn't simply discount.

There are plenty of reasons why I wouldn't make that decision (and plenty more about why it wouldn't be right now), but the main one is that I simply am in no fit state mentally to do it. Leaving E, having a great time on holiday and being fairly "down" isn't the right frame of mind to do it, so I need time to readjust to the UK again and put the emotion of the past few weeks behind me. I might not even get into making that decision and I might find life great here and things might really change for the better in the near future, but one thing is sure... it's not the right time to start thinking about working abroad.