Out of the blue (cont'd)

Imagine my surprise when I logged on to Facebook just now, only to see from Facebook memories, that it's 11 years ago to the day that E3 made her move. There is part of me that thinks I was an idiot not to follow up on that, despite turning her down/playing dumb at the time.

Out of the blue

A somewhat confusing dream last night, not due to the subject, but more about who was featured. I don't remember many of the details. I semi-recall running around either naked or only in my underwear for reasons that are unclear. I might have been with KfW2, searching for something. And then it turned sexual with first E3, then Near Miss and finally FBS.

E3 is the confusing one here. I've not thought about her in years, and I've never thought about her sexually, even though she did come on to me at M's birthday party one night. Similarly, Near Miss is someone I've not thought about in years, though I did try to bed her, only to be denied at the last minute by MfW.

FBS is not surprising, given that until recently, I've wondered about how tactile she's been when we've been on our nights out (and her lack of touching any of the other guys) and she's featured on other sexually-driven dreams before.

But, yeah, E3 is a confusing one.

Yawn.

I don't know what it is, but I've been so tired over the past week or so. I suspect it might be at least partially linked to my unhappiness with work at the minute that's causing a little stress and anxiety. I've yet to sit down and decide what it is I want to do, and how to go about it.

Sigh.

Semi-related to yesterday's post, I'm having further concerns about work. I've now finished for the week having done a long Monday and Tuesday because I was in the office (I try to come in early and leave late to avoid traffic, and attendance was mandatory) and had a 7 AM start this morning due to work. So by lunchtime, I'd done my hours for the week.

This has been a rough pattern for me for years. Usually, though, I would finish mid-afternoon rather than lunchtime. I would send an email letting everyone know I was logging off and that would be it. Until a few weeks ago when my manager mentioned it in a 1-2-1. Now, she didn't have a problem with it herself... but it was a co-worker who was trying to IM me, who hadn't read his emails.

I knew nothing about this. There was no email on the following Monday, no missed IM conversation... it all felt like my co-worker was pissed about something that I simply can't put my finger on.

"In future, ask your co-worker if anything needs doing before you leave," advised my manager.

This is over-management and unnecessary. I shouldn't (and won't) ask a co-worker if I can log off, having done my hours for the week. If this continues to be a problem, then I'll have to have a chat with my manager. I really hope it doesn't come to that, but I'm not particularly optimistic.

Sleepless nights.

Rather than go for a walk, Nerdy Girl and I went to a local bar and played pool. She's good company, and while I would have preferred a walk, it's at least getting me out of the house.  I've been more social this month than in any other since before the first Covid lockdown. And it turned out to be an eventful few hours where we couldn't decide if the two girls at the table next to us were on a date or not (we eventually decided that they were but there was no chemistry), Nerdy Girl's extremely well-paid new job and other, general, work-related stuff.

What was probably most surprising was that, during the chat about work, I realised that I am extremely unhappy in my current job. I'm not 100% sure about one of my co-workers. He's terse to the point of being rude, and I can't shake the feeling he doesn't like me. That could be true, it could be paranoia. There's also now an on-call requirement for the job that didn't exist last year, and the compensation for that is laughably insulting. There's also the fact that I've been feeling, for the past few years, that it's time to move into something new, rather than the same thing I've been doing for the past 13 years. And potentially some imposter syndrome, as well.

That's carried into today rather than being a fleeting feeling. It might also be a symptom of having really poor sleep this week. Four nights in a row, I've not had a decent night's sleep. It's all dozing, followed by tossing and turning for a while then more dozing. When I'm tired, I am a lot more emotional, so it could be that. Regardless, professionally speaking, I'm not in a good place right now.

Oh, and Nerdy Girl asked me to take one of her friends out on a pity date. We talked through it. I didn't say "yes", but I also didn't say "no" either. I've mentioned before that I don't do blind dates, even though this wasn't a proper date per se but more a practice date like the one MM asked me to do ages ago. From my perspective, it's left up ion the air. I dunno if Nerdy Girl assumes it's a hard "no", but I'll address it if it comes up again.

Going out.

I've just gotten a message from G. He's home this weekend, so we're going to meet. It might be more than once, too. It looks like we have something on for Saturday night, plus we might also arrange to meet for a drink on Sunday, and invite M and FP along.

This is good, because I've been trying to be more social. I was out twice last week, on separate occasions, with BR and KfW2. I'm meeting Nerdy Girl tonight for a walk and chat, and now G this weekend. It's been a good month, so far.

Just one kiss

Another bit of a mish-mash dream last night. I dreamt that I was in New Zealand, with FA2. I was living with her, we were in a relationship, and I was out and about, not really doing anything. Who should I bump into but CH. I don't know what she was doing in New Zealand, but immediately all the stuff between us was right there. The cheekiness, the surreptitious touching... everything.

Except there was no one around for her to hide her touching, so she got increasingly more bold as we talked... and yet, as in the real world, something was holding her back. CH pulled me into a hug, but she wouldn't let go. Eventually, it was too much for me. I went in for the kiss and she backed off immediately.

She never explained why she backed off, just that she did. She made her excuses and left.

There were other parts to the dream, but they feel unimportant. It was this position that I remembered upon waking this morning.

I do miss CH sometimes, though I've not thought of her in quite a while, and how our friendship ended will always sadden me. Her inability to take criticism was probably always going to have an impact on our friendship.

And the New Zealand setting of the dream also gave me some wanderlust. I'd love to go travelling again.

Traditional.

Usually, around this time of year, I'd arrange to meet The Crowd for drinks and shenanigans. However, it's all been deathly silent this year. I don't know if this is a hangover from Covid and that all the stuff I/we did before March 2020 just needs some prompting to start back up again or if Covid just brought a hard stop to some things.

I know, for example, that GM has pretty much gotten himself a new social circle by doing new things. FC and Mrs FC have always been difficult to get a hold of, and S has just always been flaky. But you'd still think that traditions might have made it through.

out out

After seeing one of my old crushes last night, I was tempted to reach out to D, FBS and Friction Guy to see if they'd like to meet for drinks. It's been about six months since we last met, and I have made a small goal of trying to get out of the house more. And what better excuse than to meet friends?

Originally, it was suggested that we meet on the 31st of this month, but I actually have a work thing that night.

So, ramping up the social life.

Back in Time.

So, for the first time in a long time, I can genuinely say that I've done something interesting recently. At the weekend, I was out with KfW2 and we did something interesting and fun. Then we had dinner and drinks.

Last night, I was out at an event with BR, M, MM and others. It was great to see BR and his wife because I've not seen them since pre-Covid times.

Also in attendance were two of BR's friends. One of them, a brunette woman, was someone I had a crush on back in the day. It used to be that when I was working with D, FBS, Friction Guy etc. we would regularly drink in the same bar. I think I've posted before about how we used to bump into QC1 and her friends when we were out.

In fact, it got to the point where if I was passing by and nipped in for a quick pint on my way somewhere else, I'd likely bump into someone I knew. BR's two friends were two such people - they were inseparable. The brunette was quiet, so I found it hard to get a read on her. In fact, it was a random night out with Friction Guy, when we ended up back at their house, drunk, waiting for a taxi, that it transpired that Friction Guy had dated the brunette. And just like that... the crush was gone because I try not to knowingly date someone's, a friend's, ex, even if it wasn't that serious.

But the two girls were out last night, and the brunette is still attractive, many years later.

Just for me

So, just to cheer me up, here are some pics of some of Ruuude's favourite celebs.

First off, Alexandra Daddario wearing a backless dress. I'm sure I've posted before about how much I love a woman in a backless dress.

Anna Kendrick

Alison Brie

Morena Baccarin