Figure it out.

I had hunted through my old posts, searching for a specific post on a specific topic which mirrored the events that prompted last night's alcohol-fuelled frustration based expletive. I was going to link to it to provide context, but I'm now questioning if I even posted it or if it was just a conversation I'd had with USHW.

However, to the point at hand... I was out with, amongst others, KfW2 and CC.

For some inexplicable reason, the topic of conversation was co-workers that KfW2 had slept with. She admitted to four. Two are already known to me - one was a long-term boyfriend of hers who she dated, on and off, for around five years. The other was a guy KfW2 was friendly with, who she recently admitted to me to dating for a bit.

This was the post I was looking for - my reaction to her admission surprised me in its intensity, though I couldn't figure out at the time what it was I was feeling.

One of the other guys was briefly discussed, but KfW2 was very coy about the last one. She wasn't embarrassed by him, nor did she regret it, he was actually a really nice bloke, she said. Her reluctance to talk about him was the fact that he was "so not the type I usually go for". Eventually, one of the girls guessed the identity of the anonymous love interest... and she was right, I'd never have guessed at this person.

I'm not posting about KfW2's admission per se, but my reaction to it. It was the same as the reaction to her previous admission, only even more intensive in the way these things are when fuelled with alcohol.

And I still can't figure out what I was feeling. Disappointment? Loneliness? Jealousy? Anger? I'm still unsure, but when I arrived home last night after a boozy afternoon in a nice pub, I was still frustrated. And angry at myself for not being able to figure myself out.

I was going to post most of this last night, but I was too tipsy to actually maintain concentration long enough, so you got the frustrated expletives instead.

Oh, and CC admitted that the night she hooked up with her new man, she got fucked so many times she actually had difficulty walking for a few days. I was definitely jealous after that. Not that I want to sleep with CC, but more the fact she had an amazing session. I could do with one of those.

EDIT: I say that KfW2 "recently" admitted to dating a co-worker, but it was actually over a year ago. Not last month as I had remembered.