And finally...

Another funk this week and a lot of annoyance at myself. Around this time last year, it came to my attention that it looked like CB was no longer living in this city. Sad to say that I was still hoping that I'd get a proper introduction to her or at least bump into her when out and about (I knew we shared the same favourite bars and cafes). However, a bit of Facebook stalking indicated that she might have been living just outside of London.

I projected a little and part of me assumed/hoped that whatever it was, it was only temporary - a secondment or placement for work - after all she's close to her family (her three sisters at least) and had recently become an auntie again. I'd made a similar decision myself about living abroad some years ago. Also, whilst doing my online dating thing last year, CB's profile on Match.com was still active (she had logged on several times while I was a member, though she never read the message I'd sent) and she was still listed as living here.

I'd still hoped that she lived locally and that I'd get that introduction that I'd always wanted and was even looking out for her a bit on New Year's Eve. However, some Facebook stalking again has confirmed that she's still in London and looks as if she'll be there for the foreseeable future. It was semi-accidental. I did a search for R2 to leave her a message, clicked on CB's sister by accident (they share the same first name) and then clicked on CB's name as she'd left a comment on her sister's page.

One of the most recent comments was a friend arranging a lunch date with CB in the middle of London and was dated only a few weeks ago. My heart sank at the confirmation. Her Facebook account had been updated as well. While it still says that she lives here, it's also been added that she has moved away.

Obviously, I'm disappointed. The confirmation means more than just disappointment, though. I am angry at myself for still feeling the attraction with CB, even after all this time. I'm angry at myself for not taking the chance to talk when I saw her in the pub. The anger directed at GB and MFF for not a) getting in touch with CB's sister quicker and b) not getting a definite answer is raised again. That leads on to the reminder that my friends in general haven't been that helpful (refer back to this post from April 2013) in getting me to meet new people and then, in turn, that reminds me of the ongoing issues with CH and this post I made from around the same time. And to top it all off, the ongoing woes about not meeting anyone who is interesting me from an attraction point of view.

And, ultimately, I think that's the problem. I was still hoping for a lucky break with CB because no-one else has taken my fancy and now, with that effectively ruled out once and for all, I'm left in the situation where I am still extremely unhappy at my single status and have nothing on the horizon. I think if I'd done any dating at all over the past couple of years, CB wouldn't have been an issue. I've never been this, well, infatuated with anyone else.

However, as USHW reminded me, I always wanted some definite closure on this and that's what I have. I'd rather the closure was a definite introduction, but that's neither here nor there now.