This year, though, I've just been lonely. I woke this morning to a grand total of zero messages from friends and family wishing me a happy new year. I did swap a few messages in group chats, but I initiated all of them.
KfW2 was silent, and that's the one, I think, that I've felt the most. Since the end of the summer, she's the one person I've wanted to talk to more than anyone else, but it's been nearly impossible to catch her. Admittedly, we've had two afternoons out where we briefly covered some things that have bothered me, and that's our biggest total since before COVID-19, but it still feels that we're drifting more apart.
FP's passing has created a big hole. He was the person I'd reach out to most to bounce ideas off, to vent with, and for advice. I don't have anyone like that in my life any more. Years ago, that would have been KfW2, easily, but not now. That's due to her unavailability, rather than me not being able to open up to her.
Even the recent family stuff that I've alluded to, I've shared with my sister how tough I'm finding it, but it's falling on deaf ears.
Usually, I go back to work after the holiday period refreshed and ready to go, but I don't feel that way this year. I feel exhausted.
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