Safety.

At the work event, I got talking to some of KfW2's colleagues, who were referenced in this post. Specifically, a woman, around my age. Out of the blue, she asked me if I were single, which prompted many further questions (and positive comments/compliments too). I was extremely drunk, so I can't remember how the conversation ended, but I think I ended up impressing her further, after my initial performance a month ago. This is the third such drunken conversation that I've had in the past month: with KfW2, my bro-in-law's sister and now KfW2's ex-colleague.

I also made sure she got home. Well, I ordered her a cab and made sure she got into it. Before the cab arrived, she quizzed me on whether I looked after KfW2 as well. I shrugged.

"She's my friend. It's not my job or anything."

Again, the details are a little hazy, but she was having issues with her phone and she was drunk enough that she wasn't really that able to type. I don't feel that making sure she was safe was that big a deal. Her co-workers had all left, leaving her on her own with me and another guy from the same company (who was acting weird as fuck). But my memory reckons there was a bit of an accusation in her question. About what, I don't know.

Denied.

Quiet Girl has just told me that she's not going to the work event tonight. That's disappointing because I quite fancied having a proper chat with her rather than grabbing snippets of updates over IM. And a perv. I quite fancied a perv.

I might be able to get a lift from CC though, and Stalky Guy will be there.

Ah well.

Blast from the Past.

My sister tagged me on a Facebook post. A video archive of an old news report from the BBC of exam results. It was a real blast from the past. I was not onscreen. Ruuude was very camera shy as a young lad. Some of my old friends could be seen, though. That included the Big Crush, the one who still cannot be found anywhere on social media.

Of course, I shared it with FP, M and G. They'd all seen it days ago.

Shot down.

It's been an eventful weekend that ended with a family BBQ at my sis's to celebrate a milestone birthday. There was alcohol. Lots of alcohol. my brother-in-law's sister insisted that we did shots and somehow managed to arrange for a bottle of Sambuca to be delivered. I'm not lying when I say it lasted about 20 minutes.

She then spent the rest of the evening proclaiming that she was going to find me a woman. I'm not putting anything into it, it was all (or mostly) drunk talk. But it was kinda nice for someone to recognise that I am single.

I think she wanted to have a proper conversation with me, but she was very drunk. I doubt she remembers half of what she said today.

I didn't get back into the house until late, helping my sister clean up, and I had a very early start this morning for work. Suffice to say, I am expecting to really crash hard this afternoon. It's a matter of 'when' not 'if'.

Walk the walk.

Finally had my walk with Nerdy Girl last night. Just over six miles in just over two hours, though we did bump into GM at the halfway point and chat with him for, I dunno, 25 minutes maybe.

My feet are killing me, though I've not suffered the usual blisters.

Good fun as usual.

The waiting game.

I took the initiative early yesterday and messaged KfW2. It was quite forceful. I was trying to get KfW2 to commit to a date for going out. I owe her dinner several times over: missed birthdays, new jobs etc. 

She's not replied yet and it's been pretty much 24 hours.

Suited and booted.

I've blogged before about some of the things I like about women. I've always loved women in suits. Only one of my ex-girlfriends wore a trouser suit, FA2, and she looked great in it.

So, here's Cuban actress, Ana De Armas looking stunning in a blue trouser suit.

Doggy Dreams

Years ago, when I was a little lad, we had a dog. A Lakeland Terrier. He looked kinda like that fella below.

But he was lazy and stupid and unlucky. We had to put him to sleep when he was about 13 (human) years old because he was riddled with cancer. And it broke my heart. There were several family members who have passed away whose deaths didn't register in the same way that the dogs did.

And still, he was the subject of a dream last night. Some of the details are beyond me, but I do recall that we had to give him away, then we visited him and he had gained a new lease of life, but seemingly had one of his front legs amputated. There was a lot more to the dream. KfW2 might have featured, but poor quality sleep and a few beers with FP last night are not really helping me this morning. 

Even though we only had a couple of pints, I have a real mind fog this morning. Possibly influenced by this cold that I've had for the past few days that's not getting any better or worse... it's just hanging around being annoying.

And, you know something? There are days where I still miss the doggo.

At long last?

KfW2 sent a text. She needed professional/technical help. This isn't unusual. I think I've posted in the past about helping her and not really getting any reward for it because she wants people to think she's strong and competent and does things on her own. It's frustrating.

Today was different. Well, only because she no longer works for the same company that I do.

I offered solutions and support and then, out of the blue the conversation turned.

"We need to go out."

And we swapped a few more messages, agreeing to go out but not really making any definite plans. I'll make more of an effort on that later, but this is the first time in quite a while that I remember KfW2 offering to be social.

Cough, cough.

So the sore throat from yesterday is looking like it's turning into a full-on cold. I should do another Covid test today, just to be on the safe side but I'm confident that, after yesterday's negative test, it's not Covid.

FP called a while ago. We're tentatively meeting for drinks later but will confirm at tea-time. If the cold doesn't get any worse, then this won't be an issue. If it does, then I'll make up my mind at that point. I'm not expecting it to get worse, though.

Cough.

I've cancelled (well, postponed) tonight's meetup with Nerdy Girl. I was finding it difficult to motivate myself to leave the house, but I am also not feeling 100%. I've had a really sore throat since early this morning, which mirrored something my brother-in-law said to me at the weekend before his Covid test came back positive.

I can still get some fresh air by sitting in the garden later. The weather over here is pretty good (not as good as southern England though).

I've done a Covid test and it was negative and the sore throat is still the only symptom, but I'm playing it ultra-safe. I might do another one later. If not, I'll definitely do another one tomorrow.

Deflated.

I guess that I'm feeling a little flat over the past few days. The thing with GM not showing up on Saturday night is a factor. As is KfW2's lack of contact. I'd semi-expected her to show up on Sunday. I'd kinda hoped that she might have made a surprise showing on Saturday, but that was unlikely. I couldn't shift it from my thoughts though.

There was a specific reason that I'd expected more contact from some people, but sadly it wasn't to be. Still, Nerdy Girl to meet with tomorrow, and FP at some point this week, too.

Unexpected

I had cancelled the planned walk with Nerdy Girl for this evening as I was due to head to my sister's place for a BBQ. That's also now cancelled, with the family coming down with Covid again.

On the plus side, though, I managed to get a hold of GM, so we met for lunch and a quick chat. I'd far rather do it in the pub over a pint with no time restrictions, but I have to take what I can get these days. The same applies to KfW2. I don't like "settling" for scraps, but that's what it feels like.

Surprise?

KfW2 was just on the phone. I'd semi-expected a phone call if I am being honest. We chatted for a bit, she asked about the details for tonight, but she didn't go as far as saying she'd come out. And it's not an "unsaid" thing to throw me off. She didn't sound like she'd come out, though part of me would love to see her socially and part of me thinks that she might have surprised me. Or she might have surprised me at one point.

Time Flies.

I thought that I made a post within the past month or so where I ponder my lack of movement, how the habit of staying indoors had made the time pass so quickly, yet slowly.

In part of the post, I referred to my female neighbour. The last time I spoke to her, which I think was the start of the year, she was just back from the gym and I noted an impressive set of abs. Then the last time I recall seeing her out of the window, she was heavily pregnant. I had thought it was a matter of weeks between our conversation and seeing her on the street, but her bump implied otherwise. 

And then I was talking to her yesterday. There was no bump and a tiny human. Apparently, the tiny human is six weeks old. Yet I thought the mystery post was within the past four weeks.

And I just can't find it. Am I mistaken?

More and more.

Out with The Crowd tonight, the first time we've all been together in several years, and unsurprisingly S has already mentioned that he's bringing out his two mates. FC followed that up quickly with a message that he's let a few others know that we're going out.

It's disappointing, of course. Maybe it's just me, but if this is the first time a group has seen each other in over two years, maybe let the group have their thing. Don't get me wrong, I've seen pretty much every member of The Crowd in the past 6 months, with the exception of Mrs FC, but sometimes it's nice to keep these things low-key.

And hypocritically, I've now invited FP out. And KfW2. She'll not show up though.

Achey.

My legs are killing me. For the past week, I've been making twice-daily visits to see my Dad. It's roughly a mile and a half away, so I've gone on my bike. I've pushed myself a little, but not too much. this is the first real exercise I've done in a year.

So, three miles per trip, two trips per day for roughly a week. A grand total of 39 miles.

And it's been brilliant. I've slept better, my back's less sore than it was last week and I do generally just feel better. There's no need to be so regimented with visiting my Dad anymore, but I should really try and keep up the exercise part of it.

I'm off next week, so I should be a little more active (gardening) and I have tentative plans to meet Nerdy Girl as well for one of our walks.

Back again. Again.

Off the back of this post, I managed to get Quiet Girl for an IM chat. We talked about lots of things, most of which were work-related. She was uncertain about attending our summer party at the end of the month, but I think I managed to persuade her. During this conversation, she admitted that she didn't like CC. I had suggested that CC was going to the summer party, but I didn't know that CC and Quiet Girl had crossed paths.

When QG talked about CC, I understood where she was coming from. QG said that CC "wasn't friendly", and I completely get that. CC can be cold, standoffish. Even now, having known her for over ten years, I still see it.

Still, that's not a hurdle or a deal-breaker. I think QG will turn up, and the party will be more interesting for it.

Information Overload (Part 2)

KfW2 called. She answered my question, but in a very vague way.

"I can't be sure of the exact details," she said. "It's in flux."

I'm not 100% sure that I believe her. She can be very paranoid about stuff, and sharing the information that I asked for would cause her to second guess things for at least a few days. Plus she's extremely forgetful these days. The favour I asked was linked to a conversation we had a month or so ago, which she had completely forgotten about.

However, even though she talked around it a little, she was helpful.

Information Overload

I've just asked KfW2 for a favour, the first time that I've outright asked for a favour in years.

It's an easy favour - to share a piece of information, but it's not a straightforward favour - it's not meant for sharing.

While her circumstances have changed, with her having a new job, it'll be interesting to see if her sense of duty compels her to keep this information confidential.

No one would ever know that she shared the information, but I still kinda feel that she's going to refuse.

Back again

Work has now re-started social events. That'll mean the monthly work nights out and our annual summer event. The summer event has always been good fun, but this year might be a bit weird as people re-adjust to post-Covid life. It's traditionally been well-attended, but this year's a bit of a lottery. 

Stalky Guy says he's going. CC says she's going. KfW2 has left the company, though she tended to make an appearance. Quiet Girl's off work today, but when she's back, I'll be asking her if she's going.

It'll be an excuse to get out of the  house, if nothing else.

It's all in the smile.

Still feeling a bit all over the place, I think due to my private, albeit drunken, chat with KfW2, so here are a couple of pictures of Alison Brie where she resembles CH (I think it's the smile) to cheer me up.

I don't think the resemblance is there anymore. A lot of the pictures where I see the resemblance are probably from around ten years ago when Community was in full flow (including those pictures above). The shape of her face has changed since she started working on GLOW and becoming more exercise-focused.

Nice to hear?

Feeling a bit out of sorts today and after an hour or so of gardening and seven miles worth of cycling, I wanted a treat and, well, some company. I sent CC a message asking if she fancied going somewhere for dinner. She did. We ended up at this brilliant little Mexican place that KfW2 and I used to go to.

The conversation flowed and, mid-meal, CC's eyes widened when this couple sat next to us. She covered her mouth and said something to me, but I couldn't hear what it was. She seemed excited about something. We continued conversing, but I don't know if it was the background noise or CC talking quietly but I couldn't hear what she was saying half the time. To the point where I am actually concerned about my hearing.

Once dinner was over, we left, after having lots of yummy food and CC repeated what she had said in the restaurant that I'd semi-guessed. She was saying how hot the guy next to us was, and that was the conversation on the way home... CC day-dreaming about going on holiday with a hot guy.

Nice to hear

I paid a visit to my sister a few nights ago. Drinks flowed. We had some really interesting conversations about a number of subjects. I think that's something that I miss, living alone and partly why the time alone with KfW2 is so important to me. In fact, even when I shared a place with MfW or Useless Flatmate, proper conversing was not something we'd do. Though the fact that I didn't really like them or trust them might have had something to do with it.

When I was taking some time trying to drunkenly explain something complicated to my sister, she interrupted me to tell me that I was extremely intelligent.

It was a great compliment. It's always nice to hear. I've been doubting myself a lot recently, so it was well-timed and welcome reassurance.

Green-eyed girl?

One thing that springs to mind when contemplating the KfW2 thing is the phone call she made a few days before her leaving party. She was very insistent that I go out. There was always a part of me that thought she wanted me to go out partly because she was nervous about drinking alcohol, especially given the last time she was drunk, she ended up having a mental breakdown at my house.

But what registered with me, earlier this morning, was that she also made a comment about me having dinner with CC. This is something we do maybe once a month. Most of the time, it's CC's idea, but I do pitch in sometimes. Mostly when my cupboards are bare.

But why did KfW2 mention it? I was reminded of a time that AM confessed to me that she was jealous of QC1, and how I was spending time with her. The thing is, it's not like I was choosing one over the other. AM was unavailable or unreliable and QC1 was available or making the arrangements. 

AM was a longer, and closer, friend than QC1. If I wanted, or needed, to chat, she was always my first choice. The exact same thing applies to KfW2. 

I've posted over the past few years that I simply can't get KfW2 out on her own, though CC is a companion, not a KfW2 replacement. My quandary then, was KfW2 mentioning my dinners with CC to make me feel guilty that I was spending time with CC and not her and thus make me show up to her party? Or was it a bit of jealousy a la QC1/AM? Or a bit of both?

Thoughts.

I'm still feeling somewhat hungover, if that's the correct wording, from being out with KfW2 last week, and specifically that short time that we were able to spend some time alone. The desire to get her out, to have a night out of our own has greatly intensified, though I wonder if I am holding on to an idea of a friendship that no longer exists? After all, it's at least four years (and more likely five) since we last did something like that.

I tried to get her out again this weekend, but she's got family stuff on. The Crowd are out the following week, possibly with FP, so I invited her out for that. Again, family stuff. Then she starts her new job. I'd be very surprised if I saw her this month.

KfW2 has moved on, professionally, and while she's gone in a direction that doesn't interest me, it kinda has re-awoken a frustration about not being paid as much as I think I deserve (so all the frustrations about Stalky Guy and Brusque Guy have resurfaced even though). 

I think I posted something a while back about talking to my boss, but she's on holiday at the moment, so I won't get a chance to talk to her until next week. And even then, I'm pessimistic about getting the outcome I'd like (a decently sized pay-rise), even if my logic and reasoning are pretty watertight. She can't make the decision... it'll have to go to HR or Finance or something, but she can fight my corner.