I don't know why I've taken to reading the 30 First Dates blog - I find it frustrating due to my own online dating experiences, sometimes it's poorly written (the sheer amount of exclamation marks is astounding), it's not a particularly fast website to load and, perhaps the most important part - that it's London-based. But reading through 30 First Dates and the bloggers have written about quite a few different types of dating events beyond the obvious, bog-standard singles nights or speed dating and these are interesting in themselves. None of these are available in my area, probably because the numbers don't support it.
A lot of the more popular dating/lifestyle blogs are based in large cities which often skews the scene (whichever scene is being blogged about).
My age goes against me somewhat, but my geography is worse. A quick litmus test on Guardian Soulmates: I am a man looking for a woman. I enter my age range and geographical range (20 miles). I do two searches - my home town where I'm currently based and London.
My home town turns up three results. London turns up 1500.
OK, so I realise that the result seems extreme, and I guess they are in that Guardian Soulmates is not one of the mainstream dating websites, but the results are easy to come by and they are indicative of the problem I face.
Dating is a numbers game. I live in an area that has, perhaps, 600,000 people. London has 15 million. So, when reading blogs about dating in London and how some people are "complaining" about not being able to find a date, the blood does boil a little. Especially when the complainers are attractive women. I'm not saying I wouldn't still be single if I were in London (or had access to the sheer numbers of a London-based online dater), but I also wouldn't be sitting here, somewhat depressed because I never got any replies from any of my favoured matches on four separate dating websites and Tinder. I believe wholeheartedly that I'd be an active dater.
Going back to the online dating thing... I'm almost tempted to take Miss29's reviewing format and apply it to my own experiences. Yes, I'm THAT bored.
4 comments:
Hi there. Firstly, thanks for reading and commenting - sorry to hear you don't like my style of writing, I've always written exactly how I speak, and the overuse of exclamation has now taken its toll on my face! (Oops there I go again). It sounds like you've continued to read, so I guess I must be doing something right. Unfortunately the load time on the pages is a bi-product of a magazine-style blog, and somewhat out of my hands. I hope the comment about women complaining about the range of women in London isn't directed at 30 Dates, as I've certainly never been of this opinion. The blog was designed to highlight to singletons just how much fun dating can be, and ensure no one feels isolated simply because he or she is single. Being single in 2014 is too often treated like an ailment. In future I'd much prefer you to comment directly on the blog, rather than writing dissatisfied blog posts in response, though my stats show a fair few referrals already, so I guess I can't complain too much!!!! (Now I'm just taking the mickey ...) Thanks again for reading, and good luck in your hunt for the One
Charly (Miss Twenty-Nine, 30 Dates Blog) xxx
Hi Charly.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I don't want to get into a tit-for-tat breakdown of the post and your comments on the perceived criticism, but I'm glad you commented. Believe me when I say that there was no malice intended; the post was simply venting frustration at the whole dating blogging scene and the advice given to online daters. All the below information has already been covered in posts on my own blog over the years, so I'm not giving anything away here, but hopefully explaining my post (which shouldn't be taken in isolation or linked only with your own site).
Online dating is not something that I would have tried ordinarily, but for two main things: Offline, I am incredibly shy and private and secondly, my friends and family haven't been an avenue for meeting new people (at least as much as I would have liked).
I've read advice and articles on how to write the perfect profile, how to choose the perfect picture, how to send the perfect initial message, the perfect username, the perfect tagline etc. and have come to two conclusions: none of it matters and online dating is predominantly female-centric. All that matters is that you're attractive to whomever you're trying to meet. That's it. A "great" profile won't get you messages or dates if your photo doesn't strike a chord. Similarly, a "bad" profile won't put anyone off if they think you're cute.
I've tried online dating twice in the past three or four years after being encouraged by some friends - each time for around 4 months apiece. I've been a member of multiple sites - OK Cupid, PoF, Match.com, eHarmony, Zoosk and latterly, Tinder. I've tried a dozen or so different profile types - the honest, the funny, the flippant, the mysterious, written by female friends etc. I must have messaged, poked, winked, favourited or swiped "yes" to hundreds of women. Given the figures quoted in my post about the number of people in my catchment area, it isn't like I was being an e-wallflower. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I'm more than comfortable communicating online - I have a history of writing my own advice articles and reviews for websites, been a community manager for a couple of forums and have cultivated a lot of friendships as a result.
So, what has all this trial and error gotten me? Well, about a dozen messages of any note (none from anyone that I was interested in or had messaged first), two worthwhile conversations that led to one date with a nice young lady, one friendship that didn't last long and two massive blows to my self-confidence. Oh, and an enormous crush on a rather lovely looking and interesting young lady of my age who remains just tantalisingly just out of reach, despite having a mutual acquaintance, being local and single.
Given my admission of being shy, my success rate at meeting people in the more traditional avenues of day to day socialising (and when I make the effort) makes a mockery of my online dating results.
So, forgive me if my attitude towards online dating and online dating advice is a little negative, but the post wasn't specifically aimed at you or your site. Despite the frustrations caused, and some of the comments I made, I do enjoy reading the articles of you and your co-bloggers, so keep up the good work.
R.
Happy to take this offline and give you a bit of personal advice if you like? Manic week, so may not reply super-quick, but my email is in the sidebar of my blog
Charly xx
I might just take you up on that Charly, though after the last time, I did kinda promise myself that I'd not do online dating again. Lemme ponder it. Thanks for the offer regardless though.
Post a Comment