This is gonna hurt in the morning.

I spent all afternoon in the garden, working on a plan that my sister had come up with around how to pretty up the space. We did about three hours of fairly back-breaking physical labour and I'm already sore. In fact, as I've posted about previously is that my back isn't in great shape since the lockdown. I don't think my cheap office chair is really suited to 8+ hour stints.

What I'm not happy with is the ever-changing scope and the fact I need to phone more and more people. I've posted before about social anxiety, and that's in full force right now just thinking about the people I need to call at some point tomorrow.

So, having had a shower and something to eat, I'm going to sit on the sofa for a bit. I'm not going to head to S's, for two reasons. The first is that I am physically wrecked. The second is that he's admitted that his two close mates are already there, so with those two, his girlfriend, FC, Mrs FC and and GM, I think it's probably best from a pandemic standpoint that I keep my distance, despite my inquisitiveness about the girlfriend.

But I will crack open a beer.

Just things.

I've had a few visitors over the past few days. S has been twice, and KfW2 has also popped in. All above board within the rules - outside, 2 metres or more apart of course.

And I've really been enjoying the weather. A few days off work, some chores done in the garden with a view to doing a bigger project and a bit of tinkering on the bike so I've been out doing a test run or two to ensure the work is properly done.

And now S has just messaged suggesting a beer or two at his tomorrow... He's also suggested that his "new" girlfriend might be there. That'll be interesting. She's very pretty. I've seen her on Tinder looking especially foxy in some kind of pirate wench costume. She also, according to Stalky Guy, completely bonkers.

S's place is out of the weather. Transport might be difficult, but the chance  to have a catch up with GM and to meet S's new girlfriend is really tempting.

Just Blog Stuff.

Eagle-eyed readers will have noticed two things over the past few days.

The first is that the theme has changed. I'm trying out new, dark themes. I'm not 100% happy with the one I'm using currently, but am looking at others, so expect further changes as and when I can find the time to do some investigation.

Secondly, that my images have disappeared from my last few posts. It's strange because I have these hosted on my Imgur account, but each time the images disappear and I go back into the source of the post, it looks like the images were re-hosted inside Google itself. I think it's a Google issue that they're aware of, but again, I'm still looking into it. No backless dress images of the lovely Brie Larson for you, dear reader.

Dream a little dream.

Back in the day, my parents had some close friends who had their own kids - three girls. Two girls were slightly older than me, and one was slightly younger. We were friends in our own right. My parents and their parents even had a holiday home near to each other in a coastal town, so we'd see each other frequently.

I might have developed a slight crush on the youngest one after a night where we ended up staying up until the middle of the night, confiding in each other a little, drinking and smoking around a campfire on the beach. It never went anywhere, and once my parents sold our holiday home, we all kinda drifted apart.

However, I hadn't seen any of them in years. Strangely, none of them are on Facebook, but despite that, they all appeared in a dream of mine from last night. I was dating the middle girl while a co-worker was trying it on with the eldest and the youngest seemed to be on the periphery, not really being the focus or playing any part in the dream, but just being there.

Weird.

Groan.

I spent yesterday in the back garden, clearing some overgrown hedge. I was taking it easy, so it wasn't the most physical day I've ever had. Saying that, I woke this morning feeling as if someone had beaten me to a pulp. I have aches and pains everywhere.

I'm going to go to the DIY shop to get some things, then back into the garden this afternoon. Tomorrow is not going to be pain free either, I think!

Status Update: Week 4

After last week's horrendous results, which I still can't adequately explain, I was hoping that stepping onto the scales this week would see me at least hit my lowest weight so far (224 lbs or lower).  USHW had suggested last week that it might have been water retention due to the Chinese takeaway I'd had the night before, though I was slightly sceptical and was leaning towards the scales being broken. After all, I had been calorie counting and while the exercise had tailed off a bit, I was still expecting/hoping to see a figure of about 222 lbs, so that was a swing of 6.5 lbs - not inconsiderable for one week.

So the magic number this week is 226.6 lbs, which is at least down on last week's figure by an acceptable 2 lbs, but part of me is disappointed that it's not lower than 224.

Baby got back... again.

I know that I've admitted that a woman wearing a backless outfit can be a massive turn-on. I've mentioned it at least once in this post.

So imagine my delight at finding this picture of Brie Larson, that ticks a few boxes:

• Brie herself
• Short hair
• Backless type dress (if it were another inch or two lower then I'd be a dribbling wreck)

Oh yes!

Woah.

A few days ago, I made a rare post on Facebook. I don't update my status much (or my profile picture etc.) I just use it to be in contact with people. On the rare occasions that I do make updates, they're usually self-deprecating and not at all serious.

My post was one of those - a pandemic-related, self-deprecating post. And I posted it to provoke a response because, as I've either said or implied elsewhere, I am feeling a little isolated. And the reaction was great - plenty of people reacted, commented and took the piss. That was exactly what I wanted.

What I wasn't expecting were outliers to say something. Outliers are people who I'm friends with on Facebook who don't really interact with me on the site or in the real world. People like FA2 or V, both of whom reacted or commented. Sports Girl, too, came out of the woodwork to post.

G sent a message over WhatsApp rather, weirdly, comment on Facebook (he is a member).

I'm actually touched by the number of people who have responded in some shape or form.

Sigh.

KfW2 called round last night. It wasn't unexpected - she had said that she would, at some point. We spent a pleasant few hours just chatting.

I let slip that I was feeling slightly isolated, though emphasised that this was primarily more professional than personal (though that's a factor too). Stalky Guy is the boss's favourite and it has really shown during this lockdown. My boss has contacted me, directly, twice since we went into lockdown on March 16th and both those times were because Stalky Guy was unavailable.

I let slip this nugget of information to KfW2 who was appalled. But what can you do? Call it out? Theoretically, you could. I don't have the skills to do that in a way that doesn't sound like a rant about favouritism, even though the complaint is really more about my boss's lack of soft skills.

While I may be borderline ASD or ADHD or social anxiety (or even all three, as discussed with KfW2 last night), even I recognise the need for managers to engage with the people they're responsible for, at a personal level. I suggested to KfW2 that the boss should be doing more. My example was a personal, non-work phone call, just to check-in from a mental health perspective. My company is big on things like mental health etc. but I'm not seeing that reflected at my level.

"I don't do that!" she exclaimed.

She expanded on the topic, but it turns out that she's doing something similar in her own way... and she's doing a LOT of it. But I expected that. KfW2 has a lot of empathy and will try her best to look after the people she's in charge of.

She conceded that I did have a point and repeated her shock at my manager's (lack of) actions.

We circled back to the ASD conversation and we talked about some of the questions that were in the "assessment". For example, KfW2 and I have differing opinions on my ability to make friends. I think it's difficult, because I find social interaction difficult, but when I find people who I'm comfortable with, and like, then I will move mountains to maintain those friendships. KfW2 thinks I make friends easily and suggested that she was a little jealous of some of my friendships. She also suggested that she was bad at making friends. I, of course, disagreed. KfW2's problem (if you view it that way) is that she doesn't make a lot of long-term friends.

However, she's made friends of her own in recent years, so she can make friends.

Status Update: Week 3

It's not been a good start to the week. Stepping onto the scales this morning and it registered 228.5 lb. That's an INCREASE in 4.5 lbs since this time last week.

While the exercise fell by the wayside a little (and yesterday was a write-off, diet wise), the calorie deficit was still in place.

I was expecting a slowdown in the amount of weight lost (averaging at 2.5 lbs per week since the start), though I was still expecting to be lighter than last week's check in.

This is, obviously, a concern as a gain of 4.5 lbs in one week is substantial. Calorie-wise that's an additional 16 thousand calories, or an additional 2 thousand per day (roughly speaking). Bearing in mind I was operating at a rough 600 calorie per day deficit, then I really have to wonder.

Oh dear.

Ever had "The Fear" after a night of drinking and partying? I haven't... but today I have an overwhelming sense of... something. Something not being right.

I don't know if it's related to the fact that the early morning, work-based phone call yesterday didn't go 100% smoothly (it really shouldn't have an influence), but I still feel like something's just over the horizon that's going to go badly for me.

I'm also kinda burned out (presumably with work, but there could well be a lockdown influence here). And fed up. And while I'm actually saving a bit of money during this pandemic, the fact that Stalky Guy is earning 30% more than me has been niggling at the back of my mind for a few weeks.

Ideally, I'd take a few days off, meet some friends, hit the pub and that would be enough to recharge my batteries and give me a boost again. That's not something that's going to happen any time soon though.

When the pubs do re-open, I already have semi-agreed nights out with KfW2 and FBS/D/Opinionated Guy and Brusque Guy with just the dates to be confirmed. I daresay other nights will be talked about (S, GM etc. for example), so there are things to look forward to.