Under (Part 2)

I was intrigued by the memory/dream of K and her boxers from a few days ago, so I dipped into my old MSN archive to see if I could pin down the timeline. I wasn't that hopeful as I only started logging my conversations in April 2004, and that would have been after K and I had sex. If my memory is correct (and that's not a given these days), K and I had sex in August 2003 and the meet-up with online hobbyists would have been in February 2004. Between those two incidents, our friendship definitely cooled and while we were still chatting via MSN, it was mostly hobby talk (once the whole just-something-physical tactics were clearly not paying dividends).

However, in a rather surprising turn, it does appear that the conversation happened a lot later than I had originally remembered. According to my logs, she asked about my underwear at the end of April 2004 (ostensibly for sleeping in) and then messaged me a few days later telling me a) how comfortable they were and b) how great her ass looked in them.

Call me?

According to KfW2's message yesterday, she was going to call me when she was going out for the evening. Reading between the lines, she was going to go out into the town and I'd get a call once she was in the taxi or car. 

This is what I've been trying to get her to do for, well, years now. Dinner and drinks and watch a band. So, yeah, I'm a little frustrated, but it's not like I've been trying that hard. It's the same story. I ask her to let me know when she's free and she never does, so I never arrange anything.

The last time I made the arrangements, she wouldn't return a call and left all the decision-making to me, then complained that my choices weren't to her liking.

And, perhaps predictably, there was no phone call last night.

I guess I just get more disappointed with KfW2 because I expect more from her and have seen more. 

Under.

Years ago, after we'd fucked, K started an MSN conversation and asked me about my underwear. This must have been soon after when we were still in regular conversation, though the timing is a bit vague. Our conversations had taken a very sexual turn post-sex. I admit that that was mostly down to me. I knew that K wanted a relationship but I was not willing to go that far and was offering FwB instead. By turning the topic of conversation to sex, I'd hoped to get K away from the idea of a relationship to something purely physical.

Anyway, I'm digressing. K was asking me about my underwear and my size. My preference was, and still is, trunks. I shared the information and asked why she was interested. After some prodding (she was very coy), it turns out that she was contemplating buying some and wanted the details from me.

If that was the case, I wondered out loud, had she considered boy shorts? I love boy shorts on women. I once told FA2 that if I were buying her lingerie I'd try and persuade her to choose boy shorts. I don't know why they're my favourites, but they are. K claimed she'd not heard of them and went off to do her own research. I told K that I thought she'd look good in them.

Eventually, the MSN window activated again. She'd done a quick look online and boy shorts weren't for her. I gave her the information she wanted - what I wore, what size I was etc. and that was that. We drifted apart afterwards because K wouldn't back down on the relationship stance and was very aggressive about it (and she was off befriending F because she thought something was going on between us).

K and I did meet again, months later at a meet-up for our online hobby, but we weren't in a position where I could ask her what she was wearing or ask to see her in it. But guess what I dreamed of last night?

Coincidence.

I saw a post on Facebook earlier where KfW2 had tagged an old boss of hers. A boss that KfW2 was initially very appreciative of, but soon started to resent. In a private conversation, I had predicted that she would do that because of the boss's personality. It was a personality type that KfW2 doesn't get on board with i.e. bubbly, vivacious but flighty and inconsistent. If you match that to her work ethic (work at all costs) and expectations, I knew it wouldn't be long before KfW2's opinion changed.

After I saw the post, I was thinking that it's been an age since KfW2 engaged with me on Facebook - she used to post loads of comments on my posts, plus mention me in her own posts. As a coincidence, just as I was having that thought, I got a WhatsApp message from KfW2.

"I've been a bad friend! I'm going out tonight, but I'll call you later."

I really should let KfW2 know that my health condition has improved to the point where going out to a restaurant or pub is no longer a waste of money.

Hug.

I dreamt of CH last night. Specifically, there was something going on with my sister, who somehow knew CH. We were (re)introduced, giving rise to a long, lingering, tight hug. The kind of hug that replaced words. What were the words? I don't know. Maybe a reflection of how things ended or how we pretty much never communicated these days in any form or what might have been? Maybe all of the above.

All I know is that I woke up this morning wishing I could have a night out with CH and, well, frustrated. If you catch my drift.

Body of evidence.

There's a woman who pops up on my Tinder feed every now and again. She's attractive and has piercing blue eyes, possibly even more so than the attractive blonde minor celebrity that I've seen from time to time. She's clearly a gym bunny and has a great physique, but this time around she's posted something else... she's gone much more extreme this time around. Now that I think about it, she looks as if she's prepping for a competition.

I love athletic women and I find abs sexy, but there's something in the way these people look at competition time that just puts me off. It's too extreme for me, I think. I admire the dedication that you need for this, but I simply don't find the end goal that appealing.

Brightening my day

I know that any time I post pictures of celebrities they're predominantly brunettes, so here's a quick appreciation of some blondes:

From the top: January Jones, Halston Sage, Jennifer Lawrence, Gemma Atkinson, Blake Lively and Rachel Riley.

What?

I had a weird dream last night. Loads of people were in it. I remember being in a very large shopping centre and, somehow, a girl from work, whom I've never spoken to, approached me for help in a DIY store. She wanted to find her sister.

So off I went to help her and we flirted (she is cute IRL), then it segued into another store, where G and FP appeared, asking me about the cute girl. And then it flip-flopped again to my house where a couple of police officers stopped by to say that my uncle had accused me of stealing from the DIY store. 

So when I clarified that they were accusing me of stealing from the store when I was helping a cute girl find her sister, they became embarrassed and left. And that's kinda where I woke up. Weird for all sorts of reasons, including dreaming about a girl from work that I've not actually laid eyes on in years.

Sigh.

Last week I got in touch with Ideas Girl. She's part of a committee at work that arranges our company-wide social events. Sadly, we have no work things happening any time soon. However, seemingly as a result of that, she messaged me on Facebook over the weekend.  And, boy, was that a tough conversation. It's not that it was "difficult" in terms of topic or whatever, but that my attempts at levity were simply overlooked or over-explained. Sigh. I haven't bothered replying to her last message because she was sucking my will to live at that stage. At least she wasn't being drunkenly abusive.

Bah!

Over the years, the amount of personal post that I can remember receiving has been practically zero. I can't speak for anyone else, but the smallest things can bring a smile to my face and make my day. I recall a postcard from Foreign Girl that made me grin. It didn't say an awful lot, but the fact she'd taken the time to buy a card, a stamp write a brief note and post it meant a lot to me.

Over recent years, I've not posted too many things. I can recall only a few birthday cards for KfW2, and she always seems really appreciative. Back in the day, I swapped letters with R2, sent little things to AM and QC2 etc. and I did it quite frequently.

So when a handwritten, posted note came through my letterbox this afternoon, I was delighted. And intrigued. Who was going to send me a handwritten letter? It's not my birthday or any kind of event.

Sadly, when I opened the letter, it wasn't Morena Baccarin declaring her undying love but someone unknown to me, wanting to tell me how great the Christian Bible is. Sigh.

Bank on it.

Semi-randomly, while out and about at lunchtime (I was in the office today for the first time in months), I had a flashback to a night out.

I was out and about, this would have been many years ago. I genuinely couldn't tell you when. But the bar was mostly empty. It might have been Christmas, it might have been the summer. Actually, I think it was summer.

What I do remember is that there was a cute brunette in the bar. We kinda knew each other or, more accurately, our paths crossed regularly. She worked at the branch of the bank where I had my account. I was in reasonably frequently, so we often spoke. I never knew her name, though she knew mine.

Anyway... she'd clearly been out since work. She was still in her bank uniform and she was very tipsy. She approached me as I was at the bar and we spoke. She was clearly flirting with me and, long story short, we ended up kissing.

As per usual, I never got her phone number, because I was so pleased with myself for making out with a really cute brunette. Yeah. That's me.

There are real parallels with the night I met RB - a summer evening, she was straight out of work, she made the first move, and we ended up kissing. I didn't get a phone number immediately because I was too pleased about seeing the signals and acting on them.

I don't recall that I made any effort to make contact again. No doubt I was the branch again, but I don't recall if she ever served me again.

It was because I was due to visit the same branch today and found that it was closed, and yet the first thought that crossed my mind was of the un-named brunette woman.

Things that make you go "hmmm".

CC called me yesterday. That's the first we've spoken in months. I can't say that this realisation bothered me. I still have issues calling CC a genuine friend, despite our going to dinners together. There's just not that closeness plus CC's selfishness and ability to declare herself "bored" if she feels a topic is taking too long to cover. I feel it's difficult to warm to her enough to form that bond.

Regardless... one of the things she did mention was that she and KfW2 are doing a city break together within the next six weeks. Somewhere European. Maybe Paris, maybe Barcelona.

So then, I got paranoid and wondered if that was why KfW2, out of the blue, had started talking about the long-promised night out from 18 months ago.

Saying that, it still feels like a stretch that KfW2 would give up an entire weekend to go off with CC when I can barely get to her to meet for a drink, but I think I would be pretty insulted, and a little bit jealous, if that were the case and the weekend away did happen.

Urgh.

I've been feeling really off today. Like I can't put my finger on it, but I've been operating at about 60% all day. It's part fatigue, part unshiftable headache and a couple of other things that I can't quite put my finger on. Some of it is definitely related to the Covid or 'flu that I had prior to Christmas, but a lot of the other stuff is new... within the past 24 hours.

Bad decisions.

Just before Xmas, my neighbour arrived with a selection of Belgian beers, not common to shops local to me. I knew all of them, they're very nice, but I've not had any of them in years. Interestingly, one of them reminded me of a night I spent chatting to GM and GB about CB and MFF, shortly after I saw CB in CB Pub. At GM's request, I ended drinking a leftover beer that was 8.5% in strength. Not a great decision for a Monday night.

But good memories, tinged with a little regret at a missed opportunity.

Surprise!

The night out with FP didn't happen. I think I misinterpreted FP when he said he'd call. I assumed that would be to make arrangements to meet in person, at CB Pub, but he really just wanted to chat. We've tentatively agreed to meet next weekend, but we'll discuss that closer to then.

In more surprising news, KfW2 texted about arranging a night out. This is a long-overdue night out that she'd promised me nearly 18 months ago, so it is surprising that she's raised it out of the blue. I'm not complaining though. It'll be a fun night out, and KfW2 is always good company, and of course, this is something I've wanted for a long time.

Cheers!

Potentially I could be meeting FP tonight. We were both suffering from illness over the Xmas period, otherwise, we probably would have met up at least once each side of Christmas Day. But in a text conversation last night, FP offered to give me a call this evening as his wife has a family thing on (his wife is super close to her family) so FP has nothing on.

If we do head out, then it's likely to be to CB Pub. I hope we do, my memory is awful these days, but it must be months since FP and I last say each other.

Real life.

Over the past week or so I've been thinking about past dalliances and girlfriends. CAB, FBS and FA2 have all featured heavily, amongst others and some who are not mentioned on the blog. I think it all stems back to Chloe. Again, I want to reiterate that this isn't about dating Chloe. While I wouldn't mind seeing Chloe again, platonically, there's no desire to look for anything more.

But it's the whole "meeting someone and sharing a bit of chemistry" thing. That's the first time it's happened in years, and I love that feeling. You simply can't get it on online dating like Tinder or Match.

Yawn.

I've been back at work for two days and despite gradually feeling better, I am also increasingly fatigued. For the past two nights, I've slept for practically 9 hours. I get through to lunchtime and I hit a wall. I don't know if this is a "back to work" thing or the remnants of the Covid/'flu that I had before Xmas.

Chatty.

KfW2 called. Well, more accurately, she returned a call I'd made earlier. We chatted for about half an hour. It felt stilted on my part. I mean, I was the one who was stilted. I just feel that I've forgotten how to talk to people over the past two years, even if I have recently had some success in talking to strangers with Chloe.

It's her birthday soon, so maybe this weekend I'll start the conversations about getting her out. As I've already said, I expect it to be hard work and frustrating, even though I mentioned that it's been ages (read: months) since we sat and chatted properly.

And don't get me started on how long it's been since KfW2 and I were at the pub, just the two of us, for chats and fun.

Positive/negative.

I've still not managed to shake this lurgy. I hope to get rid of it soon. I'm meant to be getting FP out for a few drinks this week (though he has his own lurgy). And it's KfW2's birthday soon, so that's an opportunity to get her out, though the pessimist in me is already anticipating that this will be a fight as she'll claim she's too busy or something.

Here we go.

I'm not going to go into a list of New Years Resolutions for this year. I have two simple goals, though I've not worked out the details as yet. the first is to get out and about more - leave the house, see friends etc. I need to break this habit of not leaving the house that I've gotten into over the past three years due to Covid. 

The second is to increase my fitness, which is partly related to the first point - I've pretty much not left the house in three years. I have half an idea to go back to my yoga and maybe even upgrade to Caroline Girvan for some basic strength training. However, those are details I'll start contemplating next week.

Apart from that, I have no real goals.