Woohoo!

Well, that's work for an entire ten days. Thank fuck. Time to chill. I have no real plans, though the weather is meant to be decent, so I'll try and get the back garden into some kind of shape prior to the winter coming in. There's an outside chance that I'll meet up with G over the weekend, but that's very 'tbc' at the moment.

Aw man.

Fuckity fuck. I've just realised that my back garden is a fucking mess. It desperately needs a good going over with the strimmer and mower that's overdue by probably a month. And yet, the weather here has been so bad, there hasn't been a day where the lawn is dry enough for me to do it. It's not a lazy thing, honest guv'nor.

That just means that when I do get a dry day (the weekend looks promising at the moment), it's going to take so much more work. Sigh.

What could have been?

Facebook reminded me that it was the ninth anniversary of a night out I had with CH, which ended with her sending a series of drunk, but sweet, messages explaining how much she valued my friendship, my advice and all that.

If I recall correctly, which isn't a given these days, she sat on my knee in the pub with my co-workers and bantered away with them while her usual surreptitious touching went on.

Ironically, despite her personal, serious messages, this was probably the beginning of the end as far as our close friendship was concerned. It started tying the threads together around how much I wasn't getting from our supposed friendship. It's something I was always aware of, but it didn't really register, if that makes sense.

Lust, ogling a great rack and having a cute/sexy woman seemingly be into me is all well and good, but her flakiness around social engagements and my inability to get her alone to discuss anything I had going on were always frustrating. And from my perspective, it was a one-sided friendship that the text messages made me realise.

But it was this night, or the subsequent text messages to be more accurate, that it actually became a problem. And it was her forthright/heartfelt text messages that emboldened me to eventually confront her with my own frustrations, which led to our falling out.

I still see her pop up on my Facebook feed on a semi-regular basis. She still doesn't seem to have any male friends. She still has a nice rack though, and there are times I do miss her.

Hmmm.

I woke up this morning with a rapidly fading dream on my mind. I don't remember any of the details, just that it featured someone who was giving me comfort and advice, though I cannot remember the reasons why. I think it was a composite of QC2 and KfW2, but I can't say for certain.

And for some reason, it has me feeling a little down and somewhat lonely.

Smile

I need cheering up, so have some pictures of attractive women.

Not fantastic, but phwoar.

I'm hungover, to the extent that I actually get hangovers, and chilling on the sofa watching guff. Specifically, 2005's Fantastic Four. It's rubbish but, y'know, Jessica Alba.

It's oh so quiet.

It's been ages since I saw The Crowd. I'm torn about trying to get them out... the past few times I've tried have not really gained any traction. FC and Mrs FC are hard to pin down, GM is off with a new group of pals doing interesting and social stuff, and I can't deal with S and his cronies on my own.

We have had some interesting times out, though. The last time we were out, was last Christmas's Chloe incident.

But I just don't know if I have the mental energy to pose the question in our WhatsApp chat, only to have no replies after a few days.

FFS.

Christ, I need to lose weight. I literally can't fit into some clothes,

Just stuff.

It's MMBF's birthday today. Someone's posted a collection of pictures of her on Facebook, looking incredibly foxy over the years. And she still looks much better as a brunette than a blonde.

Who are you?

Just a thought that popped into my mind while watching Daredevil last night. 

Does anyone else get irrationally annoyed when actors play different characters within the same genre? Specifically, three examples that I can think of are Jon Favreau (Foggy Nelson in Daredevil, Happy Hogan), Ben Affleck (Daredevil and Batman) and Chris Evans (Johnny Storm and Captain America). I'm sure there are others.

While these characters are not part of the same cinematic universe, it grinds my gears to a certain extent. Anyone else?

Random guff about life

Part of the Reddit experience, especially in topics around dating, the same topics come up time and again. A lot of them mirror some of the posts I've made on this blog around the online dating frustrations and the toll it has taken on my mental health.

Recently, someone pointed me towards a YouTube channel, where a lot of these topics are covered and it doesn't make for great viewing. It's massively interesting, make no bones about it, but it also doesn't make for particularly positive viewing.

Here are a couple of examples, but if this kind of thing piques your interest, then I'd advise you to go off and watch more from this user. (Disclaimer: I've only watched about 5 videos so far, but they are interesting.)

Everybody's talkin'

While we may only have had the privacy to chat for a few hours, much less than we usually do, it was great to be able to get some things off my chest and share some news. I'm not sure if I want to share the news on this blog right now... or even at all... but it was nice to be able to tell KfW2. I wanted to do it months ago, but I didn't want to do it over the phone or via a text message and it's taken this long for us to meet up again.

I did give her a brief taster in a phone call at the start of last week, but I was able to go into more detail on Friday night.

She also admitted that she hadn't arranged her weekend away with CC. I don't think she will, either. I know that the last time CC and I had dinner, she basically asked me to be KfW2's replacement in anticipation of this scenario. Part of me is glad, though I don't know why. It's not as if KfW2 going on a girly weekend with CC has any direct impact on me seeing more of KfW2, which is what I want. It might be a jealousy thing, though. I think I am/was jealous that CC could spend three days away with KfW2 when I fight to get a few hours. Kinda like how AM admitted jealousy back in the day when she perceived me spending more time with QC1.

Time after time.

I think Friday night encapsulated everything about my friendship with KfW2. I texted her to find out when she'd like me to go down to her house, except she had a birthday party to go to that she'd forgotten about, so she'd pick me up at 8:30 PM.

Then she was late. Nearly an hour late. It's roughly half an hour's drive from my house to hers. So you're looking at nearly 10 PM by the time we'd get there. Her kids hadn't had anything to eat, so we stopped off for a McDonald's on the way down.

And then, once we had arrived, the kids needed to eat their food. We played with them for a bit and they went to bed. It was well after 11 PM. when the two of us sat down to chat with a drink. It was about 2:30 AM when we called it a night.

Ordinarily, I'd have arrived around 6:30 PM, the kids would be in bed around 9 PM and we'd have the privacy to talk after that. We wouldn't have gone to bed any earlier. 2:30 AM is probably our usual time to call it quits when we do this kind of thing.

I really enjoyed the evening with KfW2. I nearly always do, and I'm sure I've posted this sentiment before. But there was a little frustration around the timing, the forgotten birthday party, the late arrival and then still having to do the whole kids thing.

So then yesterday, I made a point of saying that I needed to be home at a certain time to receive a Tesco delivery. KfW2 had, I think, assumed that I'd be hanging around to go out and do something with her kids. I love her kids to death, but part of the reason I get a taxi home when I visit KfW2 is to avoid spending the entire day afterwards at her place. I'm an introvert. I need my own space to re-energise and sometimes, I can't wait all day for that.

Even with that, it was still amusing to see how much time disappeared with KfW2 and her kids. Getting them to do the simplest things takes five times longer than it should. And it's not like they're too young to understand. They're old enough to do the simple chores that KfW2 sets them.

As we parted, I got a great hug. I love hugs. And I promised KfW2 that I'd take her out for lunch or dinner soon, per our tradition for celebrating birthdays. Her was months ago, but we've just not seen each other this year. And who knows, maybe she'll have changed her mind about staying over at mine per my last post and we can have a proper night out?

Overnight.

As part of the conversation on Reddit about female best friends, I posted some of the societal rules that prevented KfW2 and me from seeing more of each other.

We can't do any travelling, for example. Though I could go away with CC without anyone thinking any the less of either of us.

She can't stay over at my house if it's just the two of us. KfW2 has actually said this to me, directly when I offered her a bed for the night when she was in town on another night out, a few years back.

So imagine my surprise when, at KfW2's house early on Saturday morning, she offered me a bed for the evening. Her husband was out with his friend and was unlikely to be back. Given the weather and where KfW2 lives, I thought it was unlikely that I'd actually get a cab, so I took her up on her offer.

But that was surprising. Is this a change of heart or just inconsistent? KfW2 can be inconsistent. She's shown that in the past by offering completely different advice on the same topic within a few weeks.

Fingers crossed.

I've just messaged KfW2 to get the details for later. I'm at work until 5PM, so I'm kinda hoping she'll volunteer to pick me up as I still need to jump in the shower and then potentially get a bus to her, which is probably an hour's journey. So I might not arrive until nearly 8 PM.

Just pondering.

I was at my sister's earlier, and we ended up watching TV. Lucy Worsley was hosting a quiz show. I can't remember if I've mentioned before, but I think she's really cute, even if she does go against my type somewhat. But cute, intelligent and enthusiastic about her expertise, what's not to like?

Yawn

My quality of sleep over the past week or so has been appalling. As such, I feel both mentally and physically drained nearly all the time. I'm planning on taking some annual leave in a week or so, for about a week, and I hope that gives me the opportunity to really rest and recharge.

Hello again!

KfW2 just messaged and asked me to go visit her on Friday. I responded that I'd love to, and it's not a lie. It's been ages since we saw each other (though I'm aware I had the chance to do this a few weeks back and just didn't have the energy), and our other communication - phone calls and WhatsApps - has gotten more and more infrequent over the past year.

So, already something to look forward to at the weekend.

Three's a crowd.

I had another sex dream last night. I lived at one of my previous addresses and was having an affair with CH. Whilst having loud sex, someone rang the doorbell. When I answered, it was Attractive Neighbour and she joined us for some adult fun.

Obviously, it was very frustrating. While I've not thought about CH recently, there was a lot of lust there. Attractive Neighbour, as her name suggests, is very attractive, even if I don't ever recall thinking of her in a sexualised way.

It also reminded me of a back-and-forth email conversation that USHW and I had years ago that followed a similar train of thought.

Get back.

No real reason to post other than I saw this picture of Elsa Pataky in a great backless dress. Regular readers will know about my fondness for such garments, so I had to share.

Hello again.

My sister's university friend made a reappearance this evening, but not on Tinder or the online dating apps, but on Facebook, leaving a comment on a photo that my sister posted. She's still cute. Actually, it's been a long while since I saw her on the usual online dating apps.

Deja Vu.

I'm thinking about buying a new PC, so I am doing a tidy-up of my personal files. As part of this, I was going through some old photos, and I came across the ones I took in April 2005 when I met friends in London from my online hobby. I met USHW for the first time. R appeared as well, which I think surprised a lot of people. Actually, if I recall correctly, R turned up primarily to see me, which was a journey in itself for her. Thankfully, K had disappeared by that stage. I don't think seeing me getting along well with numerous women would have gone down well with her.

Anyway... I wasn't here to post about my reminiscing about a great weekend. It was to post that a blonde woman who was at the same event really reminded me of Chloe. 

Cute

Stumbled across some very nice pictures of Kate Mara earlier, during a particularly boring work meeting.

Frustration.

Over the last week or so, I've had a series of recurring dreams. They're sexual in nature and all follow the same broad theme - I meet someone and we adjourn to a hotel room. We have lots of sex. I don't remember exact details like the hotel or the circumstances around meeting the women.

I do remember the women though. FBS, K and CAB have all featured at least once. I don't think there were any others.

While I wouldn't say that I never have sexual dreams, it's unusual that I'd have a series of dreams like this within a short period of time. And it's making me wake in the morning, a lot more frustrated than I usually wake.

The itch, revisited.

 Another destination to add to the travel list, as suggested by Quiet Girl on Friday night: Prague.

So, the list now stands at:

• New York, USA
• Donostia-San Sebastian
• Prague
• New Zealand

I've also added New Zealand to the list, but I've been there before and that would be a longer visit given the distances involved. The others are long weekend destinations, though NY would be at least five days.

Hah!

One of the conversations we had with Quiet Girl last night was about a local craft beer pub. Quiet Girl has just sent a message sharing that she's actually in there now with her friend. She claimed she wasn't getting drunk tonight, but I have my suspicions.

Raincheck.

I've decided not to go to KfW2's tonight. I've just tried calling her and she never picked up so I left a WhatsApp message. I might have told a little white lie as my excuse for not going, but I'm simply not in the mood and getting poor-quality sleep last night has me exhausted, too.

I don't want another evening of KfW2's family continually asking me if I am OK because I don't talk a lot in crowds of people I don't know. That's what happened last time I did some babysitting and KfW2's parents were incessant.

There is another reason, but that's a post all of its own... one that I've been meaning to write for some months now. And it's a reason that I really need to see KfW2 face-to-face.

About Last Night

The night out with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl, amongst others, was a great success. I've found that Quiet Girl can be difficult to read at times, and can seemingly blow hot and cold, but she seemed to be in good form last night. We found ourselves alone a few times and engaged in some chat, which was nice.

I'm meant to be heading to KfW2's later, but I'm feeling really low energy right now and I don't know if I could be bothered making the journey. I'll see how I feel later. If I do go, I'll have to leave the house around 5 PM, so I'll make a decision before then.

Dream on. Not me.

The recent post where I explained that F had shared that K had accused me of leading her on has caused some further pondering.

I know we're talking about a series of events that happened twenty years ago, but I can safely say that I did not lead her on. We were friends. In all of our interactions, no boundaries were crossed. In person, I was not inappropriate in terms of conversation topics or physical touch, that I can recall. There was no flirting.

There may have been one conversation when K was pondering about how an ex-boyfriend wouldn't have sex with her as much as she wanted, and I suggested that blow jobs were always a good starting point versus her stance of trying to look sultry. I'm pretty sure that this would have been pre-sex with K, but it was suggested matter of factly, she seemed to agree that she should have been more proactive and the conversation moved on.

That may have been the catalyst for K pretty much jumping on me at the hostel, kissing me and grinding in my lap for an indeterminate amount of time before breathily telling me that she wanted us to have sex. But until that point, I had given practically zero thought to K as anything other than a friend.

And, even afterwards, I made no suggestion about a relationship beyond being physical after we'd had sex. So if she got anything in her head that I was leading her in a direction prior to her jumping on me, then that was all her doing.

I don't know why I felt the need to go into all that, dear reader, but I actually feel a little better for it. So thank you for reading.

Itch (cont'd)

After my post a few weeks ago about getting the travel itch, someone else has randomly suggested somewhere nice to visit: San Sebastian. It certainly looks like somewhere nice to go and chill for a few days from what I've seen by looking online and browsing Google Maps.