Sigh (cont'd)

While the associated insomnia from the events detailed in Friday's post hasn't kicked in yet, they've  been on my mind pretty much all weekend.

I was able to put them aside briefly on Friday night because I did decide to meet GM, S etc. And a couple of hours yesterday as I concentrated on a video game, but other than that, I've been thinking about how to fix the problem and my bosses' reaction almost constantly.

I went to bed at 1 AM last night and awoke at 6 AM this morning. This was after a heavy night of booze on Friday, which always leaves me tired the next day. I'm expecting a serious night of insomnia despite being already sleep deprived.

That's a problem I've always had. I can't turn it off if it bothers* me. I'm bothered that this error was made and not found during the testing. I'm bothered that my manager is a very blame-y type of guy (and I have the impression that, despite having never met me, he doesn't like me).

As I said in the other post, there were a few errors that he tried to pin on me last year that had no right being attributed to me. But he did try. And when I refuted his claims with facts, he went silent. Does he still think they're my fault? I don't know. We're meant to have a monthly feedback session where he's meant to keep me appraised of my performance, but he's not done that at all this year, even when I've given him status updates.

I need a change of scenery. Whether that's time to move into a new role or take up something different, I've yet to figure out. Either way is not going to be a quick solution and will be hard work for several months. This current thought is purely down to my manager - the rest of my working life is mostly great.

*I say "bothers" because it does. I take pride in my work and I want to avoid as many mistakes as I possibly can, but any reasonable manager will know you can't expect perfection all of the time, especially with humans being involved. I am concerned about my manager's reaction given his tendency to over-react, but it's hardly job threatening.