Things that make you go "WTF?"

I asked KfW2 about her questions that were prompted in this post. Surprisingly, it looks as if CH was quite forthright to KfW2 and the outcome is this, broken into points as I understand it from CH's perspective:

• CH has a bad start to the year, work-wise, resulting in lots of stress, breaking down in work etc.
• I don't understand her commitments
• She can't make time for one to one chats with people, she's got too many people to see
• She got scared/concerned about how full-on I was

I can't accurately describe how I felt about it. Angry, a little. Annoyed, definitely a bit. Something else? Definitely, but I can't put my finger on it.

The first point, I know nothing about, and arguably, that's part of the problem. I deliberately took a step back at the start of the year to see if CH would step up. A test, of sorts. She didn't pass. Attempts, by me, to get her alone for a chat were constantly ignored (though, I never actually said "alone", I thought it was implied enough). I was going through a rough enough time of my own at the start of the year and desperately wanted to talk to someone in person (both USHW and KfW2 were sounding boards, but I needed that face time).

Eventually, around St. Valentine's Day, I sent a text - I had concerns, were we, as friends, OK? From here on in, the problems started. CH simply wasn't getting it. This wasn't a knee jerk reaction from me, it was going on longer than that. The conversation went something like:   

I don't understand her family commitments that may cause her to cancel sometimes (even though I have plenty of family and friends who I socialise with with families). 

I don't understand her geographical issues about her living out of town  (I do completely - I send invites to include her with no expectations until she says she's going to attend). 

I've tried getting her out alone cos there are times I want to chat about something specific and don't want to do it in the work's canteen or with others, but I'd never forced the issue.

I've tried chatting over electronic methods, but there are always other things distracting her.
I'm full on (sometimes I am, but this time, the subtle approach wasn't working).

That conversation finished with her seemingly taking the points on board (especially about wanting to see her alone) and agreeing to meet after her half-term holiday.

Three weeks after that, I sent a message asking how her holiday was and if we were still going to meet. She set a date for a week later.

The day we were due to meet, I got an email. She was at a funeral and had to cancel.

At the end of March, I got a message from her with a video clip that I would enjoy. In fact, "if anyone appreciates this, it's you!". We swapped a few more messages, then I again asked about lunch.

She made a date of the next Monday at lunchtime for coffee. On that day, when I quizzed her about what time we were meeting for the coffee, she said "oh, not lunchtime, the afternoon!". We laughed at the confusion. When it was time to meet, she said she had been called into a meeting. That was the last time, until Monday, that I had seen or spoken to her. I'd finally given up, but there was nothing in any of the communications since the first bombshell that suggested concern at how full-on I had been or that this was serious.

KfW2 asked me later how I was feeling. We'd already covered some of the stuff above, but I'd said that I wasn't in a good mood because of it.

"You shouldn't let it get you down, I told you that!" she said
"I know, but it's hard not to, isn't it?"
"You could apologise for being heavy handed, if you wanted and move on."
"What's the point? It wouldn't fix anything."
"You shoulda known that pushing this hard would have had this result"
"To be honest, no. Texting was the only way to do it by that stage."

And I guess that's the crux of it. Despite me having the issues with our friendship,  CH is piling all of the blame at my door. I'm full-on, I don't understand her commitments, she can't make time for one friend when she has loads to see. She's been ultra-defensive right from the start, refusing to accept "blame" and refusing to do anything to put things right. This whole issue could have been solved by a twenty minute coffee, four months ago. Now I feel annoyed because this is a proper falling out and she's blaming me for it.