The confidence, man.

A while ago, it was suggested to me (or maybe I thought of all it all by myself) that I was too timid with women. Now, that's nothing to do with actually talking to them or chatting them up (though I daresay some of my female friends would argue that point as well), but is actually aimed more at the women I know are attracted to me. In fact, it goes beyond that as well, I think... it's more regarding the women where the ice has been broken i.e. I've already kissed them (or more), so the attraction is out of the bag and reciprocated to an extent.

I guess the memory was sparked a few days ago off the back of a light hearted chat/comments with USHW about CH.

So, I know a girl is interested in me and I have an opportunity to kiss her or get her into bed. This is where I get timid. Quite often I can see the opportunity that is there, but I refuse to take it. Part of it is, in my opinion, a confidence issue. What I have done in the past is second guess myself... and then try to prove to myself that the girl definitely does want to have sex with me by getting her to call the shots. Sometimes that works, a lot of times it doesn't.

For example, FA2 and I ended up back at her house several weeks in a row after being out with friends, often indulging in a lot of fumbling and kissing before I would get a taxi home in the early hours of the morning. She later confessed that she waited "a good few weeks" for me to take it to the next level. I second-guessed myself here because FA2 was BW's friend and I knew that BW was close to FA2, so I wanted to be sure that this was exactly what FA2 wanted. I don't remember specifically saying anything about sex, but made more of a throwaway, supposed-to-be funny comment. FA2 grabbed my hand, trailed me upstairs to her bedroom and then fucked my brains out. Part of the FA2 confession was that she definitely wanted to have sex with me much earlier than we did, but didn't want to make the first move.

CAB was slightly different. I've already posted here many times about how much I wanted to have sex with her, but neither of us were in a place where getting the privacy was easy. There was one time, though, when we ended up at her friend's house after a night out in the pub. Several of us went back to CAB's friend's place. We found a quiet corner and indulged in some fumbling and kissing and oral before the others realised we were missing and invited us back into the group. A few hours later, the host decided it was time for us to go home. It was only after the taxi had arrived and I was climbing in, that the host, and CAB, told me that CAB was staying over and that I was welcome to stay as well. It was obvious what it meant - CAB was not shy and there had been quite a bit of fumbling and/or oral on previous nights, but part of me wanted CAB to say it outright. I took the taxi home.

My next example is RB. The first night, after I'd already kissed her in the bar and for about half an hour outside, RB invited me back to hers under the caveat that "nothing is going to happen", yet we spent a good couple of hours writhing around on her sofa, kissing and letting our hands wander. RB was extremely keen, but based on her "nothing is going to happen" comment, I made a very conscious decision not to push my luck, so while hands wandered, bras were unfastened and hands made it into underwear, I never made a move that she didn't first. And no comments about RB undoing my bra, thankyouverymuch. The same thing happened the second night - she wanted me back at hers, then made her caveat. However, when I went to leave at 2AM (she fell asleep in my arms watch TV), she then asked me "Do you not want this?", made it clear she was implying sex and proceeded to kick off more of the same before calling everything to an abrupt stop (but I've spoken about that before in other posts).

FBS was very similar to FA2 - lots of mucking about on numerous nights until one night I happened to mention that I was horny as hell... and not that long after, we were naked in bed, having a really good time. After that, she wasn't shy about getting things physical, it was just that first time.

Those are only four examples... It's a "mistake" that I've made, probably about a dozen times or so to my detriment. As I said, it's mostly a confidence thing - certainly with FBS, CAB and FA2 it was and the scenarios I can think of resemble those tales rather than the RB one. With RB it was, I dunno... I still think that had I pushed things a little, she would have succumbed, that she was waiting for me to be more forward, but part of me thinks that the self-preservation attitude probably saved me.

And don't get me started on simply not seeing the signals. I could talk for days on that one. And I could tell you a similar story about "testing" a girl if I think she's interested, specifically in relation to CAB and RB, amongst others.