Changing myself.

I still haven't managed to sit down with KfW2 for a chat about my single status and online dating... and I have another reason to get some time alone with her after a comment she made in a text message during the week. It's not unexpected, but she did mention that I had a habit of clamming up when conversations got serious/personal. This upset me a little because I was trying to get personal information out of her at the time - I had my reasons to be concerned about her, but she was being vague.

Now, thinking back, I don't think there's anything new here. I've been aware, since my relationship with FA2 many years ago, that I've had problems opening up about myself. I don't know if that's just habit - since I've been interested in the opposite sex I've been single far, far longer than I've been in relationships and I wouldn't exactly say that I was close to my parents (though my relationship with my sister has gotten much better over the past dozen years or so), so I'm kinda used to dealing with a lot of stuff on my own.

In addition, during my university years (around the same time as my relationship with FA2), I had a few accounts online in a couple of communities where I really did my best not to give out any personal information. What that gave me, I think, was more confidence communicating from behind a keyboard than face to face.

There's also the fact that I have been described as a good listener, so I'm always prepared to let other people do the talking.

My initial concern, when KfW2 mentioned this, was that I was being accused of backing off when she wanted someone to talk to, but I can't think of a time over the past few months when that's been the case. I think she's referring to my own inability to open up and just talk about myself rather than rely on direct questions or related conversations before I say anything.

That's an assumption though, and I need to clear this with her. She doesn't seem to bothered by it and has hinted that she finds it amusing, but it's an aspect of me that I don't particularly like and would like to address.