A Eureka Moment

I was having a conversation a while ago - it was way last week, but I haven't had time to put my thoughts down here due to being incredibly busy with work-related stuff  - when I started thinking about something from waaaay back. Specifically, I started thinking about my friend F.

F and I always had great chemistry. We met when I was active during my online writing hobby. I say "met", but obviously it was all online, but we were both "targets" for different reasons. It was a year or so before we actually met in person, but by then we had exchanged plenty of contact - phone calls, emails, IMs etc. She'd done a lot of teasing when I fucked K (who went out of her way to befriend F after that because she thought she was competition, which is how F found out I'd fucked K) and I'd done my fair share of teasing because a guy she was fucking on the side was a complete imbecile, to be perfectly honest.

However, when we did eventually meet, it was obvious that there was a mountain of chemistry between us. I had always thought that it was just platonic "I think F is great" chemistry and thought nothing more of it and I assumed the chemistry she felt (and had admitted to) was the same - my assumption was that if she wanted a fuck, she'd have made a move. F wasn't backwards in coming forwards if she wanted a seeing to. Regardless, we eventually met up with each other about three times - once in her home city, once in mine and once elsewhere with a bunch of fellow hobbyists - and each time, there was the same chemistry, but we never did anything about it apart from have a laugh and drink copious amounts of alcohol.

However, I think the chemistry I now have with CH is pretty much the same as I had with F - to some extent they're very similar people in terms of attitude and telling it like it is. That's only surprising because, under other circumstances, I think I'd fuck CH. The reasons why we never will are documented on here, so I don't have to repeat myself.

So, the resultant "Eureka" moment from my conversation a few weeks back is that I think I might have wanted to fuck F all along but didn't recognise that because there was no immediate lust going on, just a kind of ambiguous chemistry. No doubt if I were to tell this little story/revelation to others, specifically those who knew both parties (there aren't a lot of them to be fair) that they might not be that surprised. I don't think there'd be too many "I told you so" comments, but it might not be the revelation to them as it was to me.

I'd love to see her again, mind you. Always have, even before last week's sudden lightbulb.