Good night.

So, it didn't turn out to be the night I was expecting. We did a much shorter walk than we usually do. It was only a couple of miles, instead of the six plus that we usually do on our usual route. We stopped off at a local chicken joint for a tremendous burger, then onto a pub. I got back to the house around 10 PM, after meeting Nerdy Girl at 6:30 PM.

I had expected maybe staying out a little later, and being a little more drunk, but I enjoyed the evening nonetheless.

Grin and bear it.

I can't remember if I've posted about this already on the blog, but part of the reported outgoings that I've mentioned over the past six weeks has been extensive dental work. Luckily it isn't new work, but replacing old work - a few fillings and a crown that are over ten years old.

Into the final phase of the treatment and I got fitted with a temporary crown on Wednesday. And hasn't it just popped off while I was eating noodles for lunch? FFS. I've managed to put it back on, but do I leave it for the next two weeks until the permanent one is fitted or do I need to go and see my dentist again?

Urgh.

I'm feeling quite frustrated due to a raunchy dream last night that featured CAB, strangely. So, as a result of that, have a few pictures of the delightful Anna Kendrick.

F. F. S.

I was literally seconds away from logging off for the week when my boss IMed me.

"Bad news."

"Oh?" I didn't know exactly what he was going to say, but I knew that it would be about our high-profile project that's kept me late nearly every night this week.

"Yeah. They want you to support the project this weekend."

I sighed. Our company's on-call payment is not great.

"Yeah, OK. As long as it's during the day and I'm not getting called at midnight for something that's not massively time-critical."

"I think that's fair," said the boss.

And that was it. Apart from tonight, when I have tentative plans with Nerdy Girl, I've nothing planned for the weekend. But I'd rather not have to worry about this crap.

Friends will be friends.

I can't remember if I ever explained that AM and QC1 were extremely close friends. I met QC1 through AM and, after a too-long period where I was crushing on QC1, we became friends.

At tone point, which I think I have posted about before, AM shared that she felt jealous of how close AM and I were, even though AM herself was not available.

I'd always thought AM and I were closer. She was the one I reached out to when I broke up with FA2. She was the one I first shared my loneliness with. She was the first one I confided in.

But for all her supposed jealousy around the time I was spending with QC1, she never made any attempts to fix those issues.

A few weeks ago, Facebook told me that it was my Facebook anniversary with QC1. Weirdly, the only photos presented by Facebook to highlight our friendship were of one specific evening. If I recall correctly, QC1 was showing off plenty of cleavage.

Today, it's a similar story with AM. Except, all the photos presented by Facebook have both AM and QC1 in them.

Dark and stormy.

I was meant to be meeting Nerdy Girl tonight. However, a combination of a late finish (not my first this week) and Storm Agnes have meant that I've had to postpone.

It's not that I don't want to go out... I do. but the weather means that taxis are hard to come by, and it's either a taxi or three different buses to get to the place where Nerdy Girl and I tend to meet if we're not going our walk.

So, I've asked for a rain check and suggested that we meet on Friday instead. Maybe we can do an extended evening and add a bite of dinner and a few drinks to our games of pool.

Grrr...

It's just after 7PM and I've literally just logged off the laptop for work. We have an urgent project that needs to go out in October and we have a few things that we need to iron out. That means lots of group chats, working sessions and all that kind of rubbish.

The deadline is Friday, but by that time, I could easily have a couple of day's worth of time built up. If the project goes ahead (which will be decided on Friday), then I'm taking a few days off.

It's only been like 2 weeks since I had a glorious week off work. It doesn't feel like it.

Money, money, money.

It's been an expensive few months, though I've not done a lot of rash spending. I have noticed that my bank account, at the end of each month, is lower than it was previously.

I'm not skint by any stretch of the imagination, but I started saving a lot more money when the pandemic hit and we had to work from home. Even with increased grocery costs (due to WFH) and going a bit mad on Amazon, I was saving money.

Now... that's not the case. The cost of living crisis is really eating into it. My grocery bill is shocking. Almost twice as expensive now than this time last year. The cost of heating and electricity, too. Plus, there have been a few one-off costs that have completely kicked my bank account in the genitals like dental bills etc.

My recent day out with KfW2 wasn't cheap either, though I don't regret spending the money as it did wonders for my mental health and it was something I really needed.

Still, it may be time to take stock of outgoings for a month or so and see if I can cut back on anything. I reckon I can, you know.

Just KfW2 stuff

At the weekend, I was tentatively meant to babysit for KfW2. I made the offer a few weeks back during our afternoon out and followed up on it a few days later. Suffice to say, come Friday morning (the absolute latest I'd have considered her asking).

So, given that opening statement it'll come as no surprise that she sent a message at lunchtime on Saturday apologising for not being in contact (Mr KfW2 had decided that going out wasn't worth the bother due to child-related things). And then asking if I could babysit because there was a last-minute thing with some other peeps that came up. It was only for a few hours. From 3PM to 6PM.

I've posted before that I'm an introvert. I don't do last-minute things particularly well, especially when people are involved, and I'd already gotten into the mindset of lounging around on Saturday afternoon. So I turned her down. And I'll be honest, it was tough turning her down. I love spending time with her kids, they're great fun and think I'm awesome. I'm also, according to KfW2 herself, a born helper. I get that from my dad. And I had residual guilt for leaving her and her husband out in the cold at the end of August after a gig they were at.

So, another phone call today. Apparently, she was out until 1AM on Saturday having managed to secure last-minute babysitting. And I admit I was a little jealous. Our own evening was curtailed at 8PM with a similar start time and being only our second adult time out this year. It passed quickly. I already have plans to try and see her again soon. It might not be the pub (which is fucking expensive these days) but maybe just to come to mine to talk rubbish, drink gin and be friends.

Hair we go again.

Someone on Reddit asked why all men want to wash their partner's hair. While I can't say that it's something I aim to do or that it's some kind of turn-on, I have enjoyed it when I've done it.

FA2 was extremely appreciative of it when I did it. However, that was mostly while we were both in the shower.

I do recall an incident with FBS. We'd been painting her living room and generally mucking about. We'd finished, packed up and FBS declared that she needed to wash up.

She insisted that I also needed to wash. I had some paint on my face, she explained.

In her bathroom, she peeled off her t-shirt, standing in front of me in just her bra and jeans. I'm not going to lie, my eyes were drawn to her chest. But having a woman stand before me, semi-naked wasn't as out of the ordinary as you might expect. Nor was my brazen staring at her chest. We'd already slept together at this stage, so I'd seen her naked. We knew there was mutual physical attraction.

Regardless, FBS gave her face a quick wash and then asked me to wash her hair. So I did. But of all the times I've washed a woman's hair, this one always stands out. It felt... still feels... more intimate though I couldn't begin to explain how or why that is. Was it how FBS pressed herself into me as I lathered her hair? Was it simply the fact that sex was a possibility (though ultimately nothing happened)? I don't know, but it is a pleasant memory.

What if (cont'd).

I think this post and memory was responsible for my dream last night which was very adult and featured CH. It followed the memory I described in that post to its fullest conclusion. Instead of CH going quiet after suggesting we meet (which is what happened in real life), she offered to come visit me. My flatmates weren't home. When she arrived, instead of going to the living room to chat, she demanded I take her to bed where we spend the rest of the evening having as much sex as we possibly can. She calls a cab and leaves in the early hours of the morning.

As a side note, while some of CH's behaviour towards me in the past was ambiguous (with respect to the touching and the kissing etc.), I don't believe she would ever have crossed the line. If she was feeling something non-platonic towards me (and I'm as sure of that as I can be without CH actually admitting anything), then just like me, it was 'just' lust. And she was never risking anything for that.

It goes without saying, mind you, that I am extremely frustrated this morning.

Hello again.

According to Facebook, QC3 is returning home after spending a few years abroad. I can't remember why she went, just that she left behind a daughter and she had some personal issues going on. I don't even know why we're still Facebook friends. We've not communicated in years. Probably over a decade. And she's flaky as hell. I get real Sports Girl vibes from her, and that's not a compliment.

Denied.

I was at a family event yesterday, hosted by one of my cousins. We're close, actually, though not as close as she would be with my sister. Regardless, it was a celebration of sorts.

That's by the by. The reason for this post was a stunning blonde woman who turned up in this figure-hugging long dress. Now, I've repeatedly posted on this blog about how private I am, so the likelihood of making a move while my sister and cousin (and their kids) watched on was pretty much nil.

I did, though, manage to engineer an opening to have a chat with her. As I sat down, she crossed her legs and a slit on her long dress afforded me to also see that she was wearing knee-high boots. Oooft.

Sadly, it wasn't too long before any ideas I might have had or making a move were shot down. She was in a committed long-term relationship with a guy who was unable to attend. We chatted for around ten minutes before someone else came over to chat. I made my excuses and went back to my table.

I don't think my sister or cousin were any the wiser that I thought the blonde woman was cute, but I think the blonde herself knew I was sounding her out. I got several knowing looks and smiles until we left a few hours later.

Zzzz.

Another night's poor sleep. I woke numerous times during the night, but once, I remembered a dream. Stunning actress Alexandra Daddario had moved next door and we'd struck up a friendship. I'd been honest and admitted that I knew who she was, and once that was out in the open, then our friendship blossomed.

She'd invite me over for dinner and drinks etc. There was nothing romantic involved. I was just a friend, a sounding board, someone to confide in. The last thing that I recall was that she was talking through these offers she'd had for roles in upcoming films.

And that was kind of it. I think I woke up before the dream went anywhere. I rolled over and eventually fell asleep again.

I am really tired today though.

Posting for posting sake.

Nothing to say right now, but here are some pictures of a few women I think are attractive: Kate Mara, Hannah Simone and Anna Kendrick.

Who, what?

It was a dream of two halves last night, both of which are interesting enough to record here. In the first, KfW2 called me. She wanted to chat urgently. We met. She was obviously distressed and the reason for that became obvious once she started talking. (In the dream, she was single with none of her IRL family). But, she admitted, she was pregnant. The father? She mentioned a name. I didn't know who that was. KfW2 was confused. 

"But I met him at your house. Was he not your friend?"

"I don't know who that is."

The pregnancy was an issue. She'd only known this person for a short period of time. They'd not been on that many dates. I think she was trying to say that they'd only had sex once. The new guy showed up. I didn't recognise him. They disappeared to chat.

Then the dream pivoted.

GM and S turned up. We teleported from my hometown to Auckland, New Zealand because GM wanted to travel. Except, we time-travelled too. So we were in Auckland, but 20 years ago. I've been there before, so I offered to show the guys around. They wanted to go to the beach but I needed some swimwear, so off we went to try and find somewhere I could buy some.

We explored for ages, I showed them some of the places I really liked when I was there and then I woke up before the dream ended (or I can't remember the end of the dream).

So, yeah, interesting.

Ouch (Part 3)

Despite some Deep Heat and a massage gun and painkillers, my neck continues to have restricted movement and is sore. It is MUCH better than at the start of the week, but the recovery appears to have stalled.

Hello again.

I called KfW2 last night. It's only been a few days since we last saw each other, but I wanted to follow up on an offer I made around babysitting plus tell her how much I enjoyed Saturday afternoon.

And that last bit is true. I totally got the same vibe that I used to get when we had our adult nights/days out, pre-Covid. It was a totally different vibe to the evening we had back in March and completely different again to the evening we had around this time last year that caused all kinds of frustration and anger on my part due to KfW2 being, well, KfW2. And I miss that vibe between us.

And she appeared to be totally on the same page and started talking about doing it all again soon. And I am totally up for that.

Ouch (cont'd)

I'm still struggling a little with this shoulder and neck pain from the past few days. I was at least able to get a few hours of sleep last night. It wasn't as much as I might have gotten with only 2 hours of sleep the previous night.

I've ordered a massage gun from Amazon, although it's not due until Wednesday. I'm hoping that if my shoulder is still bad tomorrow, it will come a day early. I've had Amazon deliveries arrive a full day earlier before, so fingers crossed.

What if?

It's ten years to the day of the evening that CH was in town, during the week. She was out with friends for some sort of celebration. It might have been a birthday, but to be honest, it could have been anything.

But early in the evening, before 8 PM, she started sending me text messages, and suggesting we meet... alone. She wanted a break from whomever she was out with. But there was a vibe to these messages that I'd not seen before. There was something else at play.

After conferring with USHW, who agreed with my assessment, I agreed to meet and asked where we'd meet whereupon CH went quiet. 

I assumed that she had gotten cold feet from whatever it was she was planning. And I had assumed that she had planned on crossing a line.

When she messaged the next day, she said she was drunk and had gone home. We never spoke about the weird vibe that was going on that evening, though all the previous behaviours - the odd kiss, surreptitious touching etc. continued.

Hurrah!

I thought it was going to be another frustrating day with KfW2. It was only late on Friday evening when she finally confirmed she could make it out for lunch and drinks. Then, with half an hour until our booking, she called and told me she was stuck in traffic. No details apart from she had yet to drop her kids off at her parents' for child-minding.

However, seemingly, from then on in, things started going her way. She arrived a few minutes after the booking time, but we were able to find her a parking space and sat at our table only ten minutes late. She was leaving the car there, so she was drinking.

And from that point, it all went swimmingly. She enjoyed the restaurant and food (she can be picky about her food), and we did a mini pub crawl around some bars in the city centre that had beer gardens, and her husband came to pick her up around 8:30 PM. Beer, cocktails, gins and tequila... we did it all.

We chatted, I shared some stuff... some medical and I even managed to get across about my introversion, which she was eager to hear and learn more about. I promised to send a link or two to give some more information as I couldn't even remember half of what I wanted to share.

It was exactly how our nights out used to be when we did them on a more frequent basis, and apart from the initial frustration when she said she was running late and gave me no further information so I could manage my expectations, I loved every second.

One final talking point was when we were parting ways. She hugged me.

"Love you," she said.

"Love you too," I replied.

"Oooh, you actually said it. That's the first time!"

I mean, it's not. I've told her quite a few times how much she means to me, some in reply to her saying it first, and others where I've said it first. It reminded me of FA2's complaint that I never said those words to her. But it's true. As anyone who's spent any kind of time reading this blog will know, KfW2 is extremely important to me.

I think there's a desire that we see each other more often. It might not be trips to the pub... my home town is extremely expensive when it comes to drinking in bars... but she did hint about missing coming to mine for drinks. And I really hope that pans out.

Ouch

I've had terrible shoulder and neck pain since Friday morning. I assume that I slept funny on Thursday night, but I've been in near-constant pain since I woke up on Friday morning. It didn't cause me to miss my long-awaited day out with KfW2, but my movement was limited and large quantities of alcohol didn't seem to dull the pain.

But last night, I got maybe two hours of sleep. I woke at around 2 AM, tried to lie still to ease the now-excruciating pain, failed miserably and ended up getting out of bed at 4:30 AM because I was in less pain sitting upright than lying down.

I've done this before, but it has usually resulted in a few days of mild discomfort, but this is real pain. And painkillers just aren't doing anything. I don't even think they're taking the edge off the pain.

My eyes are hanging out of my head, though I've spent the morning watching Supergirl on TV with an inflatable travel pillow to keep my neck upright. Not even a pretty woman in a short skirt and boots has made me forget the pain.

Hello again.

D's wife posted something on Facebook (D is not actually a member) that reminded me of a girl that I had a crush on back in the day. It was complicated in that we were friends with a few guys who were in some bands. They really took it quite seriously and thought they had a real shot. They didn't really, but it was great going to see them in pubs.

I was introduced to this girl who was super cute and we chatted for ages.

The thing is, it turned out she was dating the drummer of this band. He was sound enough, but he also had real anger issues. They were massively on/off. Like really frequently. And yet she was really sweet. I don't think I was the only one in our friend group who had a crush on her.

I can't even remember how they drifted apart from the rest of us. Maybe D moved out of the shared house? I can't remember.

This would have been years ago, between the dalliance with FBS and meeting FA2.

But anyway, the girl in question posted a message on D's wife's Facebook earlier. I hadn't thought of her in years. We weren't friendly enough that I'd consider getting ion contact again though, but a pleasant few minutes reminiscing about that period in my life.

Woohoo!

Sometimes, after I've taken some time off, I often feel down because I don't do anything. I chill, watch TV and play video games. That's how I unwind, but I always feel bad going into work with nothing to show for my time off.

This week though, with the weather being unseasonably sunny and warm, I've managed to do some gardening and I've already given the house a good cleaning. I'm usually tidy, but I really need to dust and vacuum more often. And even with those chores, I've still managed to spend a couple of chill hours in the back garden with a book and a beer. Bliss.

With any luck, I'll get to see KfW2 this weekend, and I might message M to see if he's free for lunch some day this week.

Awww...

Per my last post, G wasn't in contact yesterday. That was a shame because I really wanted a night out, if only because I'm off work this week. Plus, y'know, G is always good company.

Call me.

I've not heard anything from G, so I'm assuming that I won't be seeing him this weekend. That's a shame. I'm fairly certain he's in town (he was hoping to be, from a conversation we had last weekend), but I know he had family commitments.

Blast from the Past.

Years ago, when I was more heavily into online dating and in regular contact with USHW, I would send pictures of people I thought were attractive. As I've said in other posts, a lot of women would appear regularly. One of them was very pretty and always gave off this effortlessly sexy vibe. While I always swiped right, we never actually matched, which was disappointing.

The reason for bringing this up was that, in cleaning up my hard drive for the upcoming new PC, I found a folder of these images, including this sexy woman. But the reason I'm making this post is that she gives off a very Anna Kendrick vibe. Much more so than CAB, who I usually draw comparisons with - she's naturally slim, same kind of figure as Anna Kendrick, same shape of face etc.

Woohoo!

While the details are not yet set in stone, KfW2 seems to be willing to meet next week, though like last time, this is going to depend on childcare. But it's tentatively looking like a late afternoon lunch and hopefully some drinks afterwards.

Whine and dine.

Off the back of last night's dream, plus a telephone conversation we had last evening, I've just messaged KfW2 to see if she has availability next weekend for dinner and drinks (or lunch and drinks). This is a belated birthday present. We did have something arranged months ago until she realised that her husband was working and they had no childcare. We postponed but never rearranged.

Given what's going on in our lives, a dinner/lunch date is likely to be a few hours of us complaining about stuff. But it'd be nice to have company. Plus, KfW2 admitted last night something similar to what I've been feeling; it's getting more difficult to motivate ourselves to leave the house these days.

Fingers crossed she says "yes".

Sigh.

Another semi-remember dream last night, this time featuring KfW2. Again, the specifics elude me this morning, but I do recall holding KfW2 in a way that implied we were romantically involved. This wasn't sexual, but holding each other in a way that platonic friends wouldn't. Suffice to say, I am feeling a little lonely this morning.

Stuff.

As a bit of a treat to myself, I was going to buy a brand-new PC. it wouldn't be cheap, but I can justify it as I spend more time on my current PC than anything else. As a result, there'd be a decent, though slightly aging, PC going spare. My brother-in-law suggested that my niece might want it.

So, I've spent the last few months putting together some savings, investigating what I want versus what I need and what I can afford.

And so, I finally had it nailed down until there was a new graphics card being released next Wednesday. Fine. Ten days delay wasn't going to make any difference in the long run.

But no sooner had I decided to hold off until 6th September than one of the hard drives in my current PC just failed. I've managed to get it working again in order to get my data off it (it was backed up anyway, but I fancied the challenge).

And that's finally done. It's only taken the best part of a week. Roll on Wednesday or Thursday when I can order my new PC and get some shiny new tech. Mmm... shiny new tech...