!!!!

I get a call today, from the person mentioned in this post. It's KfW2. This is the first time we've been in direct communication since her vague text messages of nearly two weeks ago.

I'm immediately on edge. Is she going to tell me what I've done for her to call me a dickwad? It can't be THAT serious, otherwise she'd have been in touch long before.

We're talking for about fifteen minutes, nothing out of the ordinary... the usual tone, bantering back and forth and then she mentions it.

Apparently she misheard someone's name in a work call and texted me immediately. She couldn't go into detail as she was still concentrating on the call, then forgot to call afterwards.

Fuck me. I've had a sweat on for two weeks, thinking I'd done or said something to upset or offend KfW2, and it turns out to be that.

Bloody hell. I need a drink.

Dream on, dreamer.

Another dream last night, this time involving an old crush/friend of mine from my school days. We, as a group of friends from school, meet up again after a few years of all doing our thing - work, university etc. for a weekend-style reunion of sorts.

I spend the entire weekend chasing my crush, only to be rejected at every turn. Meanwhile, FP and G, trying to lay some groundwork on my behalf are being told that my crush is trying to get with me, but I am turning her down.

Obviously, waking this morning and I was all sorts of confused about that. And just like the primary school girl I mentioned yesterday, this crush is someone I'd definitely love to get in contact with again.

Dream on.

Last night, I had a dream. There was nothing really remarkable about it, I was just doing normal me stuff in work. Except, I was showing around a new person. It was QC2. I introduced her to my colleagues, including KfW2 (who took all of two seconds to tell me that I still had a massive crush on her). And that was it really. Worth mentioning only for the appearance of QC2.

Train of thought.

I was out and about on my bike yesterday. As I cut down a side street, it suddenly dawned on me that I was cycling past a house where an old primary school friend of mine used to live. I think her parents still live there. She was arguably my first crush, though I can't remember if I posted about her before.

Of all my primary school friends, those that I've ever spoken to, all claimed one girl to be their first crush - a blonde girl from my class. Mine was an elfin-faced brunette, also from my class. I'm friends with them both on Facebook, though I've never admitted my crush.

There was a third girl, also from my class. Again, a pixie-like brunette. I've not seen nor heard from her since we left primary school, but when I think back, I picture someone like Cristin Milioti (the mother from "How I Met Your Mother")

She's one of only a small number of people from my past that I'd be interested in finding out about or even getting in touch with again.

Cabin Fever.

Over the past week or so, I've been feeling really lonely. I don't think there's any one factor involved, and to be honest, I'm always lonely, but it's usually a background thing, easily ignored.

But this pandemic is weighing on me. I've only really seen my family, FP and KFW2 since lockdown... and even then it's been ages since I last saw FP or KfW2.

I've been mostly housebound which, while it has allowed me to get a lot of work done in the garden, has led to cabin fever. And now that the work is 90% done, we don't have the weather to enjoy the garden.

The reminiscing this morning about CAB hasn't helped either, from a different perspective, but still adding to the overall issue.

Thinking back.

With the weather being utterly appalling outside, my plans for this week have pretty much been cancelled. My morning was spent sat on the sofa watching the original Bad Boys (1995) which was an enjoyable enough romp.

The talking point was that, in a good number of scenes, Tea Leoni reminded me of CAB. Obviously not a direct lookalike, and I'm finding it difficult to put into words exactly what it was that was provoking that. The shape of the mouth maybe?

It's certainly not the attire! CAB was very much a jeans and t-shirt girl and the suggestion of a thigh-high skirt would have caused a great deal of swearing... and possibly violence.

Status Update: Week 17

Magic Number: 228.1 lbs

Slightly down on last week, but I haven't really been calorie counting or exercising. Just a bit of portion management, and that's about it.

I'm off work this week, taking some leave, so my routine is out the window and I nearly forgot (again!) to do the weekly weigh-in.

Family matters.

G has been in touch and claimed that one of his sons has some kind of bug and, as such, he won't be able to make it out tonight. G's wife is visiting as well (there was a big family thing, which was the reason for the visit), so I can't understand why she can't look after the kids for a couple of hours while G catches up with some old school friends. Maybe that's just me though, as a single, childless man. But she wanted kids, but leaves everything to G. She's just not that maternal.

Still, that means a quiet night for me.

Dreams.

I've been out of whack all day due to a dream about KfW2. In it, she would rebuff any attempt I made to start a conversation. She removed me from all social media and instant messaging - both in work and outside. And that's pretty much it - I spent the entire dream trying to communicate, but getting shot down each time. It seemed pretty real, so when I woke this morning, it took me a few seconds to realise it was only a dream, but it's still knocked me a bit.

Wahey!

No phone call from G and no phone call from KfW2 (I'll explain this later). Fuck it, I'm on the vodka tonight.

Hello!

G's home for a few days. Usually, we'd meet up and have a few beers, normally at CB Bar. Obviously, with Covid, that's not necessarily an option, though  I'd love to do some socialising. And people watching! And if we do go out, we might even get FP out.

????

What do you do when someone sends a couple of WhatsApp messages, the first is simply a series of laughing emojis, then second simply says "OMG!"?

I ask for further details. The person who sent them logs off.

Twenty minutes later:

"LOLOLOL. Dickwad."

Me: "I've no idea what's going on"

Half an hour later...

"I'll phone you later"

And now I'm super paranoid. Is this personal? Something I've done in work? Something I've said to someone?

I'm pretty sure I'd remember doing something idiotic.

Then again, if it's female-related, then I've missed something obvious. CC wanting to jump my bones or something... though CC is not likely to be backward in coming forward.

I'm super paranoid.

I wonder.

I may have mentioned that a few years ago, one Hallowe'en night, Sports Girl got dressed up as Wonder Woman in a homemade costume. The costume itself was excellent - very well made and put together.

SG herself looked stunning in it (as she often did regardless) and I had suspected that there might be something there. She'd been particularly attentive that night, despite GM's presence. This was a good six months before SG and GM outed themselves as a couple. I do not believe that they were an item at this point... possibly FwB, but nothing more.

She even suggested at the end of the night that she "liked" me. I assumed she meant more than platonically, otherwise, she would have said she valued our friendship or something.

I was between places of my own at the time, living with family, otherwise, I might have pursued this particular avenue. She was not relationship material, but maybe something purely physical?

Regardless... it never happened, but I came across this picture on Reddit, which reminded me of SG's WW costume and provoked a trip down memory lane. Imagine this costume, only slightly better made.

Status Update: Week 16

Magic number: 228.6 lbs

A slight increase on last week. I'll be honest, calorie counting was intermittent last week. I've completely lost the habit, plus I've returned to making a lot of my own food rather than rely on ready meals from Tesco (which greatly helped my previous calorie counting).

Cooking from fresh has meant that I'm eating better, but it does mean that my portion management and calorie management is not as good as it is when I rely on a ready meal.

Eeeeek.

Years ago, a somewhat drunken E shared a secret with me. A family secret. Something that was bad and I can never repeat it. I still haven't. E and I never talked about it again, either. We never chatted at the time, then it was too late.

Life has moved on. E has kids and an ex-partner to worry about. She also lives thousands of miles away. Far enough to make the time different a huge factor in trying to arrange a chat. Even if we did find the time, long-distance conversations don't really go down the "intimate detail" route for me, so covering something like that in a video chat is nearly impossible.

Roll on to day. Off the back of a convo with FP a week or so ago, I dropped a quick message to BR, who I've not spoken to in some time, asking how he was getting on. And we ended up swapping messages all afternoon where it transpired that 2020 REALLY isn't BR's year. Family issues, work issues, health issues... he's got 'em all.

I always worry about whether or not I've said the right thing in conversations like this. I think I've blogged about my social awkwardness in the past. Anyhoo... the fact that we were conversing by text at least gave me some thinking time.

It was good to chat to him and I gave an open ended invite for him and his wife to come and stay at mine whenever.

Just stuff.

For the first time in a long time, I thought about CB... well, strictly speaking it was a dream that then prompted some thinking when I awoke. I don't remember a lot of it, just that it was set in an unidentified rural American town. She was wearing a white top and a sheer skirt, showing off her underwear and stockings. I don't know if she wasn't aware that her skirt was see-through or simply didn't care. And despite my best efforts, I simply couldn't get her attention. when  trying to pursue her romantically.

Packing it in.

For some reason, Monday's weigh-in had me remembering a time when I had contemplated joining a local gym and doing a 12-week body transformation programme. It was a fleeting thought, partly because of the cost (if I recall correctly, it was over £500 for the programme) and partly because, if the results were accurate, I'd have to deal with my own body issues, which aren't conducive to me losing a lot of weight and developing a six-pack. I'll not expand any further on that.

But I did look to see if that programme was still running, and it looks as if it does. It transpired that a few months after I had investigated the programme, Stalky Guy started on it, and I have to be honest, I could never have completed it. Going to the gym multiple times per day, really clean eating, and cutting out booze was at the core of the programme.

I can't tell you how his results were. He's a very weird man taking his personal privacy to the nth degree, though I could tell he'd bulked up and was filling out a t-shirt much better than he had before taking on the challenge. I believe he did show off his hard work to KfW2 who I think was suitably impressed. She is an ex-gym bunny though.

Here's a before and after picture of someone who went through the same programme that I investigated and Stalky Guy actually completed. I thought I'd grab a picture of an attractive woman rather than a bloke. It's my blog, I can do what I want. If I recall correctly, the girl pictured is the same one that gained Stalky Guy his name (I can't remember if I ever explained why I call him that, though my gut says I did).

Oh la la!

Years ago, I was watching an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" and the guest that week was JoAnna Garcia, a girl-next-door type that everyone wanted to date. I thought she was stunningly pretty and bore a resemblance to someone that I couldn't put my finger on... until this morning.

She'd popped up on IMDB last night as it was her birthday yesterday. But she reminds me of SSCW, or rather, an amalgamation of SSCW and her sisters.

Dinner date.

CC called round earlier.  She actually phoned ahead, then invited herself to mine for dinner. She wanted takeout, but I was in the middle of cooking my dinner when she called, but I said she could come down anyway.

It took about ten minutes before she started annoying me. The first ten minutes was fine - showing me houses that she was looking at etc. Then it all started getting moany. I was watching the news. It was too negative for CC. She had some sort of comment to make about everything.

I think she was implying that I should turn the channel over to watch something. That's CC for you.

She's not shy about deciding that she doesn't want to hear anything. There have been plenty of times that she's chatted to me about my work frustrations, only to halt the conversion after a few minutes because she's bored or it's too negative.

After about an hour or so, she left and, is more often the case than not these days, I was glad to see her go. She can be hard work.

Status Update: Week 15

No change since last week: 228.6 lbs, and that's with a night on the beer at my sis's house.

I still need to up my exercise levels again, though specifically the yoga rather than anything else, which is just as well given that I am currently without any kind of shoes to go out exercising in.

Just random guff

I should go for a walk, given the magnificent weather we're having. Stick on some tunes, get the sunglasses on and just go. However, I've literally just glued the sole of one of my training shoes back to the shoe itself.

Buying new training shoes has been on my "to do" list for a while. My running shoes went to the great... ummm... wherever running shoes goes when they died a few months ago. I don't really have anything comfortable enough to go out and walk two or three miles in.

So, that's two pairs of shoes I need to get. It's not bad - both pairs of shoes are (or were) over 8 years old, and they got worn quite a lot. It's just a shame I have to replace both at once.

These look nice:

I just need to get myself to the training shoe shop.

Just chillin'

The work in my back garden is on hold while I await the lawn to mature. It's probably not going to be ready to walk on until the end of them month, though it's progressing nicely.

However, that's made today frustrating. Like the rest of the UK, we're experiencing an amazingly hot, sunny day. I've nothing else to do, and if my lawn was capable of it, I'd be lying out there, listening to music with my nose in a book.

I can't, but I did manage to find a corner where I could sit in a chair, soak up some sun and read. A quick trip to the local ice cream shop, and I'm able to make strawberry milkshakes too. Mmmmm. I shall look up recipes for boozy milkshakes later. they'd be fun if I had guests.

I'm tempted to give FP a call and see if we might hit a pub later, but part of me is still concerned about the lockdown

Oh dear.

CC called me earlier. She does this thing, as does Stalky Guy, when she just phones, on company hardware, during company time. No warning. No "are you free?" questions, just phones. Straight in, no kissing as Sports Girls used to say. I'm often tempted simply not to answer, as I am usually in the middle of something and don't want to stop. Today was such a day, but I decided to take the call.

CC wanted to go to dinner. She started talking as if I had already agreed to accompany her.

"You do know there's a lockdown on, right?"

"So why are they doing this 50% thing?"

"Well, to help the hospitality sector, but we're still in the middle of a pandemic, CC. And truth be told, I didn't feel hugely comfortable when we did brunch a few weeks ago."

"Oh. Well, I got stuff to do. I'll find someone else for dinner. Bye"

And like that, she was gone. The thing is, CC moved back in with her parents when lockdown started. Now she's gallivanting around, at the gym, going to restaurants etc. and then going back to her parent's house. There aren't a lot of cases when I live, but I think this is hugely risky and quite selfish of CC on her part. I don't think she's even given any thought to what she might be taking back into her parents house.

Status Update: Week 14

I almost forgot to do the weigh-in this morning. I've taken some time off work, so my normal weekday/Monday routine  went out the window.

This week, I'm down to 228.6 lbs

Though, I'm a little surprised. While there was calorie counting, and I was eating roughly 2000 calories per day last week, I wasn't anywhere near my previous goal of 1700. It's still a deficit of around 300 calories per day.

But when you consider that I was drinking (a lot) over the weekend and snacking too, I am surprised that there was weight loss, never mind almost 2 lbs.

Still onwards and upwards. Or downwards, as the case may be.

Planning.

This recent bout of activity in doing work to the garden has provided some motivation in looking at some other work that I want to consider doing in the house. Or getting done, rather. I am useless at DIY.

I need to upgrade my lighting, probably to LED spotlights. I'd like a new kitchen (which in itself means LOTS of work - building, electrical, plumbing on top of the actual kitchen installation), and my heating system needs an upgrade.

There are other, smaller pieces that I can do - mainly decorating - but those three items above are the bigger pieces of work that I'd like to get done, if the price is right.

Oh deary me.

I was drunk last night. I went to my sister's to watch the football. I arrived at about 5PM and left around midnight and spent the entire time drinking. It's easily the drunkest I've been in a long time - certainly since the lockdown came into play back in March.

I certainly was not running on all cylinders today. Though I don't really suffer from hangovers, I do crave junk food and am very obviously "muggy", so I've spent the day sat in front of the telly watching James Bond films. And I had a Chinse for dinner.