Communication breakdown.

One of the main topics of conversation I have with USHW is my communication problems. I've also posted here on numerous occasions about how I want to be able to talk to people - KfW2, QC2, CH etc. but I often don't do it because a related topic never comes up in the conversation and I don't have the confidence or skills to manage the conversation. I say "confidence" but I think it's that I tell myself that they don't want to hear whatever is troubling me. Deep down, I know that's not true, but during the face to face chats I have with various people, that's how I feel.

While I don't like raising the subjects myself, I've often said that I'll pretty much answer ANY question. And I will, regardless of subject. It takes a lot to offend me.

I don't have this issue online. If I'm talking to USHW, R, E, F etc. or posting here, then these concerns never arise. I don't know why it's easier for me to communicate and share from behind a keyboard and screen than it is in actual, real-life contact. Sometimes, my theory is that it's habit. Since I started university and found out about IRC chatrooms, I've made a lot of friends online. I've had online-only hobbies and been a member of numerous forums. All of these have meant keyboard and mouse communication to begin with. When I eventually met some of these people online, the ice had been broken, secrets shared and it was natural to carry on, face to face.

It's also habit with regards to my family... we've never been close and never really shared too much, emotionally. I was a slow starter in the world, so even during my formative years, there was little to talk about (plus there's an unanswered question about possible autism). I don't recall, for example, my sister asking too many questions about my personal life. The closest we got was my breakup with FA2 which hit me pretty hard at the time, though I was well into my twenties at the time.

There was dating, puberty and all that, but nothing serious until I was well into my twenties. So, even now, it's not something that's natural to me. I know that I want to do it. I know that it's healthy to do it, but often, when it comes to the crunch, I don't take the opportunities when they're presented to me, and then regret that afterwards. That's something I really do need to change about myself.