Talk.

I had a meeting today that I've been waiting to happen for over two months and it lasted about ten minutes before I panicked and backed out. I've been telling people for weeks, if not months, that this was likely. There have been recent, if more minor, examples in other meetings too.

And then I spent the rest of the afternoon angry and frustrated at myself, stressed and anxious (I've been feeling the latter two emotions almost constantly for the past few weeks) and kinda lonely and unheard.

It's something that I've been considering posting about over the past year or so with the plethora of mental health posts on social media and the corresponding lack of recognition in the real world. In trying to share my anxiety issues with others, I don't feel that people want to know or play down what I'm trying to tell them.

I tried to explain this to one of our HR reps a few days ago. His response to an admission that I've been stressed and anxious and barely sleeping for nearly three weeks due to upcoming meetings? Go for a walk prior to the meeting. 

USHW has often accused me of underselling myself when trying to talk to, for example, KfW2. However, this time, there could not have been any ambiguity. And it's something I've noticed around people in general. For all the talk on social media, people still don't recognise the symptoms when presented directly with them.

There may be fallout from today's incident, but right now, I'm just mentally exhausted. The anxiety and stress has diminished a fair bit as it was all focussed on today's lunchtime meeting, so there may be some proper sleep tonight for the first time in weeks.