Talking.

There were further pints lifted on Wednesday with FP. It was nice to get out of the house again - something that I'm finding increasingly hard to motivate myself to do in general, not just for socialising. Even when the weather is good, which it is at the moment.

Today was a family day at work to celebrate our new building opening. KfW2 asked me to help her get her kids there until her eldest son arrived. That was all well and good, but she was slightly late, though not as late as she can be (and is famous for). And her son was out on the town last night and was over an hour late. KfW2 expected me to help her out with her kids... while my dad, sis, bro-in-law and their kids walked around on their own. I was a little angry at her presumption. Even when KfW2's son turned up, he was essentially useless as a helping hand.

KfW2 mentioned on the way home that I wasn't on top form and I explained that I was tired but also that I felt guilty about barely seeing my family today. KfW2's reply was that I barely saw hers which seemed a little off to me. I think KfW2 had ideas about today that involved her family and mine doing things together, but she made no effort to do that. She's met my family before and they genuinely like each other - there was no reason why she couldn't have Facebooked her and arranged that.

We got back to mine and talked. My lack of sleep came up again - it's been mentioned a fair bit bit I got the feeling that she wasn't really listening (or I was underselling how I was feeling). I think she got it today, though. I explained that I was mostly not having any issues getting to sleep but was waking during the night and not getting back to sleep. As a result I was averaging about 5 hours sleep a night for the past three months or thereabouts. I explained that it seemed to build up until I was very "frazzled" - mentally exhausted, poor memory and lack of concentration but a semi-decent night's sleep would temporarily sort it.  But, I admitted that I didn't have any one thing bothering me - nothing that was obviously troubling me, though it's clear that something is.

We talked about work - about my issues last year with my boss at the time, about wanting to earn the same as those beside me doing the same work, about feeling a little trapped because of my appraisal last year stops me from moving internally (and stops me from asking for a pay rise) and about looking forward, having to work in the same team as The Chosen Ones (who always score well, but work under optimal circumstances). I admitted that the above could well be a factor in my current mental state, but I didn't think it was the sole reason. The conversation petered out there as it was time for her to pack up and go home. I hope that this conversation sticks with her, unlike a similar one we had about some weeks ago.