yay.

We have a work night out tomorrow. KfW2 can't make it, but it'll be a good crowd. KfW2 is disappointed - she was really looking forward to it, but she has other things going on.

Quiet Girl is going - it'll be really interesting seeing her in a social gathering. I have a sneaky suspicion that she doesn't drink, but I also didn't think she used bad language until a few weeks ago.

I'm disappointed that KfW2 is not going (though, again, even if she were, it wouldn't be a replacement for my long-planned night out).

I'm looking forward to it myself.

Wot a scorcher!

The weather's glorious here, and has been for the past few days. Good weather always puts me in a better mood, but at the same time, I'm stuck in an office being unhappy.

Sadly, with some major deadlines approaching, I can't take any time off. In my current condition - tired, mentally exhausted, stressed, unhappy etc. I could really do with a few days off...

Still, let's hope that it's decent enough in a few weeks... and I have a full week already booked for around the start of July.

Surprise.

I admitted to KfW2 this morning that I was in a bad place over the past few weeks. Of course, with it being me, I didn't come right out and say it, but I did tell her that I'd been having trouble sleeping, that I was out of sorts, mentally, and that it was bothering me because there had been more than a couple of days where it had been difficult getting out of bed.

She was sympathetic, though in a dismissive kinda way. That sounds harsher than it was. She did empathise, but the conversation quickly moved on.

Fast forward to tonight and I made the same confession to CC and she was much more positive, making suggestions, offering support and offering to get me off the sofa.

That was kind of the complete opposite reaction from both women than I was expecting.

And neither conversation was as productive as the one I'd had with USHW over email yesterday where we thrashed out potential solutions to the issues that I think are bothering me.

Frustration

I spent Friday afternoon at KfW2's, with her and her kids. I enjoy the time, though I still want to get her out on her own for a few drinks and maybe some food and, most importantly, time alone.

But I know that her resources are limited both in time and finances, so I've been patient.

I discovered, while trying to rearrange a dinner date with CC that she is having a girly night with KfW2 tomorrow. Girly nights happen quite often with various people, but KfW2 doesn't see them as being nights out, even though it's dinner and drinks.

Sigh.

Hmmm...

It has been a tough week. Emotionally, I've been all over the place. This has partly been brought on by some recent changes in work that are beyond my control. Ultimately, they are not big changes, but my reaction would suggest otherwise.

I know that my reaction is over the top and somewhat irrational, but it's also provoked other things - a reminder of the loneliness, a reminder about the stuff I had to deal with last year with my old boss and a resurfacing of some general unhappiness that, if I want to resolve, will need a lot of work.

There are many areas of my life that I want to improve, but over the past year I've really struggled with motivation. I've spent far too much time eating unhealthily and playing video games rather than do the things I need to do.

It's not hugely self-destructive, but it's not brilliant either.

Happy birthday!

We may not be in any kind of contact any more and any time she has decided to get in touch, it's to ask a favour, but it's safe to say that FA2 taught me a lot and had an influence in my life.

So, Happy Birthday FA2.

And it began...

Today marks the 20th anniversary of becoming official with FA2. After three months of the odd secret hook up, chatting and public socialising, we decided to make it official and give it a go. It was hardly a surprise - I think we both kinda knew were it was heading the week leading up to the night in question.

Once we ended up back at hers, in bed, for the fourth (I think) time in three months, I think it was inevitable that we'd go to the next stage.

Well, I'd always argued that it was the next day, after we'd had "the chat" and another couple of rounds of very enjoyable physical exertion, and FA2 commented that we should take that step, but a year later as we prepared for our anniversary, she was adamant that it would be the 22nd.

Sun's out...

This afternoon was a complete write-off. An ex-team-mate (can you double-hyphenate?) asked if I fancied going to the pub. It was sunny, I had nothing else to do, so I did! There were five of us out and there was plenty of banter. And beer. Far too much beer, dear reader, for a Wednesday lunchtime with work to return to.

But, for a brief ninety minute spell, it was glorious.

I love it when it's sunny.

Hello again.

Attractive Neighbour has popped up on the online dating sites again. I'm not active, but I log into the sites every now and again to see if anyone new and interesting has joined. Aside from AN, the lists are full of the same old people.

While I don't think I'm AN's type (not good looking enough), I'm still kinda disappointed that she didn't use my phone number to meet, platonically, for a drink or do something fun.

Even if that's a stretch, I'm disappointed that we didn't interact more while we lived beside each other.

Oh, and as an aside, AN, don't use the professionally taken pictures. Your dress down, natural look is MUCH better.

No title.

AM was meant to be in contact about meeting for lunch tomorrow. Since I haven't heard from her, I'm guessing we're not meeting. It's a shame. It would have been nice to see her, alone. We've not had time alone together in years.

However, in more positive news, I spent an enjoyable hour or so today chatting to Quiet Girl during a work thing today. While she was a lot more open than I've seen her before, she was still difficult to get to open up, though she did a little. And I think she got to know me a little better, too.

It was nice to get to know her a bit more and I've finally clarified that, if she isn't married, she's at least in a relationship. So that angle is closed off.

Ah well.

Ungh.

Sometimes, dreams are the subconscious mind trying to piece things together. Sometimes they are not so subtle.

My dream last night was of the latter variety and I've been feeling somewhat frustrated all day.