Cheers!

Next week I have three... THREE nights out in a row. Possibly four if I can make up my mind about something. That's a bit of a break in my social dry spell (I don't count catching up with FP as a night out).

And they're not sensible, sober affairs either.

A night out with my sis and brother-in-law, a night out with work peeps and the annual Hallowe'en night out with S, GM etc.

There's also a speed dating night that I'm contemplating, and there was an outside chance that I might have had a night out with KfW2 as well, though she's double-booked that weekend. That'll need to be re-arranged.

My liver's going to take a pounding. Oopsie!

Sigh.

My dad has been closely involved with a local charity for the best part of two decades. He's often asked me to go to events, which I have done in the past, but these days, I'm finding myself more and more annoyed with his actions around the charity. He's always been frugal, but this extends to the charity.

They spend effectively no money on themselves, and it shows. All flyers, pamphlets etc. are printed at home, using knock off ink on a 5 year old printer. The written English is quite poor as well. That means that they don't give off a good impression of themselves, despite the fact that they're quite successful.

Over the two decades, they've raised tens of thousands of pounds for various causes.  I've had these conversations with the charity people about improving their image, in the best way that I can, but they don't listen (or want to listen). Spending £100 to make £1000 is better than spending nothing and making £100, but they can't see this.

The numbers are dwindling. The charity is doing nothing to engage new people. Some of the events are the same people turning up time and again, a couple of times a year. This is all papering over the cracks. My dad needs the charity to continue, for his own sanity, for something to do... but it's getting away from him I think.

The magic numbers.

The magic number is 218.4 lbs.

That's 99kg.

That's been my weight for a while now - like some kind of equilibrium - where my "normal" eating habits and exercise seem to land me. I'm pretty sure any posts in the past where I've weighed myself will give my weight roughly around 218 lbs, even though there are days I "feel" different (i.e. fatter).

So that makes my target 211 lbs for the FP challenge.

This isn't much different from my goals from a few years ago where ideally I eventually wanted to get to 196 lbs, 14 stone, 82.5 kg. If I can hit that, then I'll re-evaluate where I want to go from there.

218 lbs > 211 lbs > 210 lbs > 196 lbs

It'll be tough, but it's not complicated.

Shake on it.

I had a long overdue night out with FP last night. I can't remember the last time we were out, but it must be easily at least six weeks ago. We ended up in our usual haunt, when it's just the two of us - the bar where I saw CB.

It wasn't any busier than normal for a Sunday night, but it was notable for the fact that every single girl in the bar was a) blonde and b) very attractive. So much so, that conversation with FP took a while to get going as we were busy admiring the view(s).

And we made a two-way "wager". The Christmas Market in our city opens in about 5 weeks, so we both have 5 weeks to lose 7lb (roughly 3kg) in time for it opening. Whoever doesn't lose the weight owes the other person two drinks of their choice at the market.

FP is already well into his own weight loss routine, having lost over 2 stone over the past year. I'm still trying to motivate myself to get back into Yoga and start eating better. I've also had my eye on a watch/fitness tracker, but at £150, it'll require a little bit of saving.

Looks like I'm getting on the scales tonight.

And words are all I have.

Following on from this post and, after having a chat with a couple of ex-colleagues, I've got an email drafted to send to my boss. It pretty much says that I want off the team, that I'm looking for other jobs and I need to do this for the good of my health.

I've been pretty much obsessing about promotions for a couple of years, which isn't healthy in itself, but there's been added stress from a few sources and, if I am being honest, my boss is falling short of my expectations (based on my boss's opinion of himself).

The problem is that I've not seen anything (I've already been looking for a few weeks) and my boss is likely to block any internal move. There are a few reasons I don't want to move externally, but I have to be realistic and keep that option there.

The timing isn't great. My boss is off work this week for stress-related reasons, so landing this on his doorstep isn't ideal, however you don't get any Brownie points for worrying about other people. Indeed to worry about myself so, to directly quote KfW2... "Fuck him".

Wot?

Years ago, when I worked alongside QC2 and Friction Guy, we were... friends? I have difficulty classifying people, but I guess we were friends. Even so far as to socialise together. We had the same favourite bars and would often, albeit coincidentally, end up having an impromptu work night out as we'd be in the same place with our respective groups of (non-work) friends.

When I left for other opportunities, we stayed in contact, though the nights out with the three of us faded away. I would often meet up with QC2 on her own, while I would see Friction Guy with D, FBS etc.

It's hard to believe, even now, that QC2 and I spent almost an entire year not really talking to each other. We'd even have tea break with Friction Guy and not really communicate.

"I dunno why she's not talking to me," I confided in Friction Guy. "I don't think I've done owt wrong."

"You're reading too much into it" was his reply.

But I wasn't convinced. Eventually, I decided I had done something wrong and went about being friendly, but distant with her.

What I didn't know at the time was that QC2 was having almost exactly the same conversation with Friction Guy that I had been having. Somehow, at the same time, we'd both managed to convince each other that they'd done something to piss us off.

I can't even remember how we got back on track, just that one day, we were talking again and shortly after that, we resumed our "three musketeers" nights out.

Nor do I know why that popped into my head in the middle of a meeting this afternoon. But it did.

Demanding

For far too long, I've been suggesting to KfW2 that we go out for an adult day or night out. We used to do these regularly, then frequently once she started planning her wedding/got married to infrequently once she started a family.

The last adult night out we had was over 18 months ago. In the meantime, she's been out with various female friends including CC.

So, I took the bull by the horns today and suggested a date early next month. She's looking into it. I have slight concerns because her money is still tight. It'd be nice, though. I know she's as interested in an adult night out as I am, we always have really good nights out, so I'm hopeful that even if she can't make my proposed date, she'll have something else in mind.

It's only words.

I kinda bottled it today. I had planned on composing an email to my boss to inform him of my intent to move off the team to try something somewhere else. As you might have guessed, I didn't do that. I was super busy all day long and while I did start to write the email, I couldn't figure out the right wording. I don't need to say everything, but I want enough to start a conversation, if there's a conversation to have.

I like my work and team, but I'm fed up of watching the people around me get promoted while I do the same standard of work, but get ignored.

Who are you?

I've seen this quote pop up a few times over the past few days, mainly  but not exclusively, on Facebook.

I read a book that blew my mind. The main character goes crazy when he realises no one really knows him.

The gist is that the person you think of as "yourself" exists only for you, and even you don't really know who that is. Every person you meet, have a relationship with or make eye contact on the street with, creates a version of "you" in their heads. You're not the same person to your mom, your dad, your siblings, than you are to your coworkers, your neighbours or your friends. There are a thousand different versions of yourself out there, in people's minds. A "you" exists in each version, and yet your "you", "yourself", isn't really a "someone" at all.

For reference, the book is "One, no one, a hundred thousand" by Luigi Pirandello. I've not read it so can't offer a recommendation or even tell you what it's about, other than it spawned this thought provoking quote.

And that got me to thinking. USHW and I have, in the past, thrown questions to each other. Not serious questions - lots of "what if" scenarios, or top lists and that kind of thing. One recent-ish (I think, I can't remember the exact timing) question was around super powers. That went on for a while. One of the mooted super powers was mind reading, and the quote above reminded me of that conversation.

It would be interesting to see how other people's perception of me differs or matches my own perception of myself.

Doctor, doctor, gimme the news...

I finally had my GP's appointment today. Somewhat predictably, I don't think it went very well. Most of that was because I didn't really know what I wanted to get out of it. KfW2 was hoping, I think, that my GP would give me a line to take time off work. That's not how my GP works and, to be honest, that's not really what I wanted either.

I did have a reason for going, though, after taking some health tests at work and being told that the results were not great and that some results might be stress-driven, including some physical issues.

I explained this to my GP and, surprisingly, he went off on a rant.

"What advice did they give you?"

"Advice? I got this printout with these numbers on it"

He ranted on. Then he looked at the printout. Cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar levels... He didn't even raise an eyebrow.

"They're slightly high, but nothing to be concerned about. You can easily rectify these with minor dietary adjustments."

He took my blood pressure. It was even lower than had been previously measured, despite the fact I'd walked to the surgery at a fairly brisk pace. Well, brisk for me.

The upshot was he suggested going back in a few months and taking some of the tests again, but he re-iterated that he wasn't that concerned with the numbers. He suggested exercise would help with the stress management and weight loss while the diet would help the figures as well as contribute to the weight loss.

I trundled off, somewhat confused and thinking I wasted his time - this was my thought - my GP had not given that impression at all.

I was halfway home when I remembered that I'd not mentioned my lack of sleep or the memory issues or the hearing issues, both of which have roots in my stress over the past 18 months. He did imply that the stress needs sorted though.

If nothing else, I can look my boss in the eye and tell him I've seen my GP about stress.

Nose-based nostalgia

Years ago, at secondary school, I was friendly with a cute girl. I had a mild crush on her, though I think most of the boys in or around her age did too. She was very pretty with an amazing figure. And, in fact, one of our core group ended up dating her for a few years and I accidentally saw her naked years later.

She wore a particular body spray or perfume. I don't know what it was called, or even what the scent was. I've always described it to myself as a smoky/tobacco kind of fragrance, but without any frame of reference or reason why I chose that description. I've smelt it a few times over the years (though not recently), and it always reminds me of her.

She pops up on my Facebook feed every now and again. We're Facebook friends, though we don't communicate. The friendship was never that strong, but it faded almost immediately once we left school. As I was doing some housework this morning, I tore open a packet of carpet cleaner and it smelled like that body spray... mostly. There's a scent in the mixture that says "smoky" to me. And  immediately, my mind went back to school... to the crush.