Temptation.

"Oh right. I’d offer to act as substitute but I just got roped into babysitting as I’m not going out anyway."

We were having a conversation an hour or so ago about New Year's Eve. IG had offered her services as a substitute in light of me explaining that I quite enjoyed going out on NYE but that this year, everyone had alternative plans. She doesn't seem to like NYE herself though: "It’s the biggest and most anti-climactic night of the year."

My first thought wasn't about going to the pub, but rather back to IG's booty call messages from a while ago. Seeing as I'm in need of The Cure and going through the longest dry spell in the world, there is an ongoing temptation to take her up on her offer.

But I know that it wouldn't work. While IG is pretty enough, ultimately she's not causing any stimulation of the nether regions. If she thinks NYE is anti-climactic at the best of times, trying to have sex with me isn't going to change that outlook.

Groan.

With tonight looking like it's going to be a washout, and with having the cold over the Christmas period, I was very much looking forward to meeting FP and his wife last night. We were heading to one of my favourite bars to see one of my favourite local bands.

As a bonus, BW had messaged me on Facebook asking if I wanted his tickets. He'd planned on attending, but there was a last-minute change of plans and they were going spare.

Somewhat out of the ordinary, I was scanning the room while talking to FP. I don't usually - if I'm out with people, they get my full attention.

In the bar before the gig, there was a very cute blonde girl. She reminded me a little of a cross between QC1 and Ellie Harrison off the telly (pictured below). Despite the somewhat early time (it was a little after 8 PM when FP and I met - his missus couldn't attend), she was exceedingly drunk and pouring more Jaeger Bombs down her neck as I watched.

When we got into the gig itself, we sat beside a group of people who seemed to be with the band. There was one girl that intrigued me - a dark, bob haircut, backless top with a tattoo right between her shoulder blades. Dark hair? Short hair? Backless top? Tattoo? All of these can be a turn-on if done correctly.

However, it was soon apparent that she was involved with the guitarist, and that didn't really matter because, from the front, she wasn't really doing it for me anyway.

Even though the gig venue was, at best, half full, I still enjoyed myself. The band were great, as always. They've always packed out this venue before, so the empty seats were a real puzzle. Maybe the night before New Year's Eve isn't a great idea?

However, this morning, after last night's indulgences with a lingering albeit hazy memory of the blonde girl and backless tops and tattoos and dark bob haircuts, I awoke in need of The Cure.

To do...

In a few days, I'll be back to work after nearly two weeks off. In that two weeks, I have accomplished pretty much bugger all. It doesn't bother me now, but it will once I return to work.

There are quite a few things around the house that I want to do, that have been on my list for some time - just little things to keep the whole House Project moving along. For example, clear the loft of the crap that was left behind. Or pull out some weeds in the back garden.

There was nothing urgent, nothing expensive, nothing beyond me. All I needed was time (a couple of hours per task)  and energy.

The illness, while certainly not debilitating, didn't help with motivation, and neither did my usual Christmas mood.

I should sit down and pencil these small tasks in for the New Year though.

Countdown...

At some point on New Year's Day, I'm going to be stepping on the scales to see what the size of my challenge will be in 2018. I know that I'm heavier than last year - the tightness of my suit at my Xmas dinner doesn't lie, but by how much?

Whatever it is, it'll be the heaviest I've ever been.

The exercise portion of what I need to do is pretty much taken care of - yoga and Bodyweight Freeletics. If I'm lucky, then some other stuff that FP mentioned as well. I have some weights at hand as well, but with DDP and Freeletics, I shouldn't need them.

I'm still not 100% convinced that my shoulder has healed, but I need to start somewhere.

The hard part is the dietary portion. I love food, me. I know that I should give up bread and crisps (crisps are easily my biggest vice), but that adjustment will be the more difficult aspect. Eat less, more frequently.

It's just a preparation and willpower thing.

And so it begins...

So, as I said to SG, once Christmas was over, then we'd get around to finalising our NYE plans. With that in mind, I threw it out there to the Whatsapp group.

• S is going to his friend's house.
• FC and Mrs FC are going home for the New Year.
• GM is working.
• SG hasn't said anything (yet?)

Looks like it could be a quiet night in on NYE for the first time in years. Not really the end/start to the year I was hoping for.

It'll be interesting if GM says anything - after all, he knows about my loneliness in general around this time of year. In past years, I've made no secret of the fact that I don't want to be on my own on NYE, hence doing all the arranging.

SG's quietness is very telling - she was the one pushing me to arrange NYE prior to Christmas. You would have thought, at the very least, that she'd have sent a message separately, but no.

Cheers.

It was late afternoon by the time I arrived at my sister's. The imminent cold is still imminent. The symptoms haven't gotten any better or worse, but are still hanging around being annoying.

I'm not going to say that I didn't have a good time, but I felt out of it somewhat - a combination of not feeling 100% and the conversation(s) passing me by.

Still, some good food, some good drink and back home without too much over-indulging and feeling the poorer for it today.

Pondering.

In order to fend off the nearly-cold that's been pestering me for a couple of days, I got pretty toasted at my sister's on Christmas Day. I say "fend off", but really what I mean was "get drunk so the symptoms don't bother me for a while".

Out of the blue, in the middle of the afternoon, Ideas Girl started messaging me. I thought it was weird. We're not close. Friendly, yes, but I can think of a fair few people who would cross my mind to get in contact with on Christmas Day. Maybe it goes back to the implied booty call from a month or so ago?

Given how I'm currently feeling, I internally questioned whether or not turning down her advances was a good thing. I was undecided.

Today is a different matter. It was still the right thing to do, I think.

Groo.

So, Christmas is over for another year. I still have to go to my sister's this afternoon, but the family's been ill over the past few days. There's a bug going through my sister's house which wiped out my niece and brother-in-law, I'm currently fighting off what could be the cold - I've had early symptoms for about three days, but it's not moving into the next phase and is just being annoying.

So, while Christmas Day wasn't as bad as I'd expected, it was very low key.

I don't know if I want to go to my sister's later. A lack of sleep plus this nearly-cold means that I feel rubbish today. Personally speaking, I think they should hold off on today's arrangements until everyone is feeling better, but I doubt they will.

A bath or shower later might help, but if I do go up, it'll be a late appearance and I'll be dosed with drugs and vitamins. If nothing else, I want to feel better to enjoy the rest of my holiday period.

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Sadly Santa never left Alison Brie or Jessica Alba in my stocking (or even anyone IRL), so here's a picture or two to compensate.

FFS!

I thought I had it all sorted this year. I had present ideas sorted weeks ago, apart from a couple where I got some ideas off my brother-in-law.

For my Dad, I was going to get him a subscription to a website for his hobby - he's massively into it and he'd put it to good use. It's expensive, but for him it would be value for money.

Except, I can't buy him a gift subscription in the UK.

I can buy him one through the US site, but it's 50% more expensive and could be useless.

This isn't called out anywhere on the UK site that I can find - I spent two hours yesterday and today trying to find these details to no avail but stumbled across the American site almost by accident earlier where they say the US site is the only place you can buy gift subscriptions.

Looks like he's going to have to get vouchers from somewhere now.

I fucking hate Christmas.

Season's something.

The trip to the cinema with GM never happened. Nor was there ever any contact after last week's text conversation. I've not really been able to shake the funk despite some social interaction this week, with FP and some work colleagues.

It's not simply romantic loneliness, though that is undoubtedly a fair portion of it.

There are very few people in this world who know me and that is mostly my fault for not opening up to people.

FP, USHW, KfW2 are all people who know me better than anyone else. My family have never been close. My sister has flashes of insight, but we don't really talk about personal things.

From my past, you could add  AM, FA2, QC1 and QC2 to that list, though they essentially disappeared from my life.

So, yes, I need to start being more open with people voluntarily. Note the "voluntarily" bit. I'll answer any question asked of me, pretty much, but I don't know how to talk to people about my personal life. Even admitting to KfW2 last week about my current funk was difficult and I know she's not judgemental or anything.

It's more than people knowing me - it's the emotional support from close friends, romantic partners etc. Coming home from work after dealing with my idiot boss, for example, would enable me to rant or share rather than sit on my own, often over-thinking things.

I know I'll feel better in a few days' time. Christmas isn't a good time for me generally - I simply don't like it - and once I get all the family commitments out of the way, the presents are exchanged etc. then I can suit myself and hopefully make some personal arrangements.

I already have a couple of fun things to look forward to, with another to be confirmed.