Browsing Facebook earlier and I came across something that KfW2 had shared with her hubby. It's one of those ubiquitous motivational type messages, though this one is about relationships.
It was celebrating a lengthy relationship. I can't remember the exact phrasing of it and I've just tried finding it again with no success, but it reminded me about how lonely I can get at this time of year.
Socially, it's going to be quiet, only a work event and a night out with S planned before Xmas and I've been something of a hermit recently. I think I need it.
I need more than socialising, to be honest.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Another blast from the past.
Years ago, FP and myself decided to go on holiday. It was a last-minute decision, after having a few drinks. So, the next day, having consulted G and BW, we found ourselves in a travel agents, getting one of FP's squeezes to arrange a fortnight in the sun for us.
Now, boys' holidays in the sun, Club 18-30 etc. weren't really my scene but we agreed that that wasn't really what we were going for.
And off we went, early one May, around twenty years ago.
Typically, we had a blast, met loads of people and generally had a good time. When it came to women, none of us got any action however, we all were attracted to this girl who was working in the resort over the summer.
My memory of her face is vague, though I remember being pretty, but otherwise CH comes to mind - average height, average build, short dark hair, great figure.
She was working a food stand near our apartment and I came busting in the second night after being designated "food" person that day. I'd managed to strike up a conversation with her while waiting for my order and learned that she was a few years younger than me, Belgian and already looking forward to going home.
"Lads, lads! You should see the girl at the food stand!"
I was quite excited.
We ate our food, had a few drinks and got ready for going out (changed into jeans and t-shirt). As we walked past the food stand she called and waved. FP and BW were immediately impressed. Over the next few days, we had more conversations with Belgian Girl (I actually learned her name, but it's been lost in the mists of time) individually or separately. I tried desperately to get her to come out partying with us, but she was always due to work the evenings.
One afternoon, FP and BW took themselves off for a walk. I was tired and in need of some chilling, so I made my way back to the apartment. I grabbed a cold drink and sat in front of the apartment, people watching.
"Where are the other guys?" It was BG. She was wearing a slim fit t-shirt and black leggings.
I explained.
I offered BG a drink and she accepted. We sat on the wall, sipping our drinks, making conversation and just chilling.
BG started to tell me that she was considering just quitting and going home, mainly because it felt superficial.
"If people were like you, FP and BW, than it would be great, but it's not. People here are so shallow."
Part of the problem, she went on to explain, was being incessantly hit on by blokes... especially drunk British blokes. Obviously, I didn't tell her that I had been putting in some ground work of my own, just not as obviously as the (drunk) guys she was complaining about. Shortly after, she got up as she had to go prepare for her shift.
"Ow, I'm all dusty!"
It was true - the wall had left a white line on her ass. She started patting herself down. I was distracted. She had a nice ass. she was patting her ass literally two feet in front of me.
"It's not moving! I'll have to change."
I suggested she perhaps use a damp cloth in my apartment. She did and it worked... mostly. As she left, I got a hug.
Literally a minute or so later, FP and BW arrived back.
"Was that BG?" asked BW.
I filled them in on the generalities of our interaction, but included the ass patting. I think they were not exactly convinced I was telling the truth.
A few days later, and somewhat out of character for us, we found ourselves in a nightclub - pubs were usually our scene.
BW went for a wander while FP and I propped up the bar. The music was appalling.
"Isn't that BG?" asked FP.
I looked. It was. She was talking to BW on the opposite side of the dancefloor. It was a brief conversation. She hugged him and gave him a peck on the cheek before making her way over to us. She wasn't sober.
"I've quit!" she announced. "Tomorrow's my last day and I'm going back home at the weekend."
Apparently her boss had started making moves on her which was the last straw.
We bought her a drink and chatted for a few more minutes, then she had to leave. FP got the same treatment as BW. For me, it was different. The hug was tighter, just a little longer and the kiss I received was on the lips. Like CH's kisses, not a full on kiss, just a peck that lasted a little longer than you would have expected. And then she was gone, despite FP and myself trying to get her to stay out. FP raised an eyebrow.
FP and I left the club for somewhere that played better music, leaving BW to do laps of the club trying to pick up drunk holidaymakers.
The next morning, BW was walking round the apartment like a lottery winner.
"Get some last night then?" asked FP.
"Snogged BG, didn't I?" said BW.
"In the club?"
"Yeah, early on, just after we arrived, then she disappeared"
FP and I looked at each other, barely able to keep the laughter in. BW was always a bullshitter. He obviously didn't know that we'd witnessed the entire thing.
We looked for BG over the next few days, but she was gone. I don't even think that she did her last few shifts at the food stall.
Now, boys' holidays in the sun, Club 18-30 etc. weren't really my scene but we agreed that that wasn't really what we were going for.
And off we went, early one May, around twenty years ago.
Typically, we had a blast, met loads of people and generally had a good time. When it came to women, none of us got any action however, we all were attracted to this girl who was working in the resort over the summer.
My memory of her face is vague, though I remember being pretty, but otherwise CH comes to mind - average height, average build, short dark hair, great figure.
She was working a food stand near our apartment and I came busting in the second night after being designated "food" person that day. I'd managed to strike up a conversation with her while waiting for my order and learned that she was a few years younger than me, Belgian and already looking forward to going home.
"Lads, lads! You should see the girl at the food stand!"
I was quite excited.
We ate our food, had a few drinks and got ready for going out (changed into jeans and t-shirt). As we walked past the food stand she called and waved. FP and BW were immediately impressed. Over the next few days, we had more conversations with Belgian Girl (I actually learned her name, but it's been lost in the mists of time) individually or separately. I tried desperately to get her to come out partying with us, but she was always due to work the evenings.
One afternoon, FP and BW took themselves off for a walk. I was tired and in need of some chilling, so I made my way back to the apartment. I grabbed a cold drink and sat in front of the apartment, people watching.
"Where are the other guys?" It was BG. She was wearing a slim fit t-shirt and black leggings.
I explained.
I offered BG a drink and she accepted. We sat on the wall, sipping our drinks, making conversation and just chilling.
BG started to tell me that she was considering just quitting and going home, mainly because it felt superficial.
"If people were like you, FP and BW, than it would be great, but it's not. People here are so shallow."
Part of the problem, she went on to explain, was being incessantly hit on by blokes... especially drunk British blokes. Obviously, I didn't tell her that I had been putting in some ground work of my own, just not as obviously as the (drunk) guys she was complaining about. Shortly after, she got up as she had to go prepare for her shift.
"Ow, I'm all dusty!"
It was true - the wall had left a white line on her ass. She started patting herself down. I was distracted. She had a nice ass. she was patting her ass literally two feet in front of me.
"It's not moving! I'll have to change."
I suggested she perhaps use a damp cloth in my apartment. She did and it worked... mostly. As she left, I got a hug.
Literally a minute or so later, FP and BW arrived back.
"Was that BG?" asked BW.
I filled them in on the generalities of our interaction, but included the ass patting. I think they were not exactly convinced I was telling the truth.
A few days later, and somewhat out of character for us, we found ourselves in a nightclub - pubs were usually our scene.
BW went for a wander while FP and I propped up the bar. The music was appalling.
"Isn't that BG?" asked FP.
I looked. It was. She was talking to BW on the opposite side of the dancefloor. It was a brief conversation. She hugged him and gave him a peck on the cheek before making her way over to us. She wasn't sober.
"I've quit!" she announced. "Tomorrow's my last day and I'm going back home at the weekend."
Apparently her boss had started making moves on her which was the last straw.
We bought her a drink and chatted for a few more minutes, then she had to leave. FP got the same treatment as BW. For me, it was different. The hug was tighter, just a little longer and the kiss I received was on the lips. Like CH's kisses, not a full on kiss, just a peck that lasted a little longer than you would have expected. And then she was gone, despite FP and myself trying to get her to stay out. FP raised an eyebrow.
FP and I left the club for somewhere that played better music, leaving BW to do laps of the club trying to pick up drunk holidaymakers.
The next morning, BW was walking round the apartment like a lottery winner.
"Get some last night then?" asked FP.
"Snogged BG, didn't I?" said BW.
"In the club?"
"Yeah, early on, just after we arrived, then she disappeared"
FP and I looked at each other, barely able to keep the laughter in. BW was always a bullshitter. He obviously didn't know that we'd witnessed the entire thing.
We looked for BG over the next few days, but she was gone. I don't even think that she did her last few shifts at the food stall.
Monday, December 11, 2017
Sigh.
Working with KfW2 can be a PITA at times. Mostly, it's fine, but occasionally, it's frustrating. At times, this manifests itself as her losing track of time because she's engrossed in something. Ultimately, that's harmless. However, when you're actually working with her... well, that's different. There's no doubting that she's intelligent and knows her job, but her professional communication is, IMO, poor.
As one of the most experienced people in the team, she's often given research to do, or brand new things to create. She's great at picking things up quickly, but her weakness is being able to share these things, writing documentation or training around the stuff she's learned.
I was tasked with helping her a few weeks ago. I jumped at the chance because it's a project with a lot of visibility and, of course, I get to work with one of my closest friends. The downside is that she gives vague notions of what to do.
"Go off and do this technical task!"
"You're gonna need to give me more than that"
"I spent weeks researching that, it's not going to be easy to sit down and explain it all to you"
"Just send me the links and your notes on how we implement it"
*sends links*
"Where are your notes?"
"Oh, they're all up here" *taps head*
Sigh.
Or...
*email arrives to team*
"Can someone look at this issue please? Boss"
*another email arrives to team*
"Yes boss, I will have the time to look at this problem for you. KfW2"
Later...
"Have you done that yet?"
"Just started, I was side-tracked looking at this problem for another team"
"You can't do that, I need you on this 100%"
Sigh.
My initial instinct was correct - you cannot and should not work closely with your significant other. That should maybe extend to really close friends as well.
As one of the most experienced people in the team, she's often given research to do, or brand new things to create. She's great at picking things up quickly, but her weakness is being able to share these things, writing documentation or training around the stuff she's learned.
I was tasked with helping her a few weeks ago. I jumped at the chance because it's a project with a lot of visibility and, of course, I get to work with one of my closest friends. The downside is that she gives vague notions of what to do.
"Go off and do this technical task!"
"You're gonna need to give me more than that"
"I spent weeks researching that, it's not going to be easy to sit down and explain it all to you"
"Just send me the links and your notes on how we implement it"
*sends links*
"Where are your notes?"
"Oh, they're all up here" *taps head*
Sigh.
Or...
*email arrives to team*
"Can someone look at this issue please? Boss"
*another email arrives to team*
"Yes boss, I will have the time to look at this problem for you. KfW2"
Later...
"Have you done that yet?"
"Just started, I was side-tracked looking at this problem for another team"
"You can't do that, I need you on this 100%"
Sigh.
My initial instinct was correct - you cannot and should not work closely with your significant other. That should maybe extend to really close friends as well.
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Big brother is watching you.
I've mentioned in the past that I often have quite unlikely coincidences, even simple things like having mutual friends with CB, for example.
Well, today saw my online dating experience made more interesting by being presented, on Bumble, with (ex) model/Reality TV personality Orlaith McAllister. She's not my type from a personality perspective (though she is gorgeous which I've stated before), but I swiped right anyway. You kinda have to under these circumstances, don't you?
For those who are unaware, here's a pic or two:
Well, today saw my online dating experience made more interesting by being presented, on Bumble, with (ex) model/Reality TV personality Orlaith McAllister. She's not my type from a personality perspective (though she is gorgeous which I've stated before), but I swiped right anyway. You kinda have to under these circumstances, don't you?
For those who are unaware, here's a pic or two:
And this one's purely for me. The abs. Oh, the abs:
Humbug? Bah!
Most of my Christmas shopping is done, just two more to buy. But there's two weeks left 'til Christmas and I have no idea what to buy the two left (my sis and Dad).
This is part of what stresses me, and partly why I simply don't like this time of year.
Within the past two days both KfW2 and FP's wife have both called me "Scrooge" or comparable terms for not having any Christmas decorations in the house.
Part of it is laziness on my behalf - having to put up, then take down the decorations. But I live on my own, so I don't need to worry about decorations. Apart from KfW2, I rarely get visitors, so I don't need to worry about those. And worrying about decorations, at a time of the year that I don't enjoy, is something I can avoid.
I'll try and get the last few presents sorted ASAP this week, which should mean I can relax going into the week before Christmas.
Friday, December 08, 2017
Let it snow.
We've had a snowfall. It's not a huge one, but I think it's enough for KfW2 to be getting her kids to make snow angels this afternoon.
The fact that there's enough snow to make snow angels means that KfW2 owes FP, five pounds. So this morning has seen some three way banter about KfW2 having to pay up (and my teasing her for making the 'bet' in the first place).
The fact that there's enough snow to make snow angels means that KfW2 owes FP, five pounds. So this morning has seen some three way banter about KfW2 having to pay up (and my teasing her for making the 'bet' in the first place).
Wednesday, December 06, 2017
Ch-Ching!
EuroMillions is £94 million this Friday.
Think I'll buy a ticket. Yes, the odds are vastly against me - 75 million to 1 or something? But I'll easily get the £2.50's worth by dreaming about what I'd do with a win... starting with telling my boss where to go, the useless knob.
Think I'll buy a ticket. Yes, the odds are vastly against me - 75 million to 1 or something? But I'll easily get the £2.50's worth by dreaming about what I'd do with a win... starting with telling my boss where to go, the useless knob.
Monday, December 04, 2017
Avoidance.
Back in the day, I used to speak to an awful lot of people using MSN messenger. Most of these people were from my online hobby. Some of the people who participated in the online hobby were, and I am being polite here, mentally ill. These people weren't even friends and as such, I had logging turned on almost permanently, just in case they started a conversation. A few months ago, I found an old archive that had almost three years of recorded conversations. Every now and again, I dip into them to see if there's anything entertaining. Most of it is out-of-date nonsense around the online hobby, but every now and again something tickles me, like this exchange with K.
I've mentioned K before. We've had sex. She jumped me, then proceeded to use that as a basis for trying to start a relationship. I wasn't looking for a relationship with K for any number of reasons, but the two worth mentioning are that I didn't think we were suitable for each other and distance. You'd think that was enough, right?
She barely took 'no' for an answer, made it clear that she wasn't a "sleeping around" kinda girl (didn't really admit this prior to jumping me, though) and subsequently became friends with F, purely because she knew that F and I were friendly. Six months later, at a social gathering, I told her to her face that I wasn't interested in a relationship at her insistence. When I left the room, she confided to F that she didn't believe me. F told her that she should give up or, at best, use me as a fuck buddy. We were still chatting on MSN semi-regularly, though it was mostly about the hobby rather than anything personal.
So, bear in mind that this snippet was the end of a conversation that had lasted a few hours. Barring one conversation about three weeks earlier, we'd not spoken at any length for nearly eight weeks and that the timing of the conversation was pretty much a year to the day that she's jumped me and we screwed. All typos/misspellings are directly from the chat log.
Oh, and for the record, while I don't remember there being an issue exactly, F had been feeding me information (such as what happened at the social gathering when I left the room) regarding what K had been saying about me. If anything, I was trying to keep my distance, to give K space. She needed it as everything I was saying and doing was being analysed to the nth degree.
K: ...Have you sorted out what you're problem is with me yet?
Ruuude: Eh?
K: For a few weeks you seem to have had a problem relating to me
Ruuude: Ummm... we haven't spoken in aaaages
K: Yes. But part of it is because I have felt you can't cope with me
Ruuude: I honestly can't see where you would have gotten that idea from
K: Ruuude, for a while you seem to have had a problem with having a decent conversation with me. It has kind of hurt me that after everything that you haven't been able to cope with speaking to me... but I guess that's how things go.
K: I miss you as a friend.
K: Probably now isn't the best time, but maybe it is. I'd like that we could get to friendship again, but I think its going to take work - can you cope with that?
Ruuude: yes, but I think you seem to have made an awful lot of assumptions about things
Ruuude: and I don't think that right now is the best time to talk about it
K: I seem to remember that you thought someone else had made a large number of assumptions about you. Maybe I have, but maybe you need to be clearer
Ruuude: We'll talk about this at some other time
K: Maybe. But don't make this yet another avoidance strategy. As far as I'm concerned you do too many of those.
And we never talked about it again, because K never talked about it again.
I've mentioned K before. We've had sex. She jumped me, then proceeded to use that as a basis for trying to start a relationship. I wasn't looking for a relationship with K for any number of reasons, but the two worth mentioning are that I didn't think we were suitable for each other and distance. You'd think that was enough, right?
She barely took 'no' for an answer, made it clear that she wasn't a "sleeping around" kinda girl (didn't really admit this prior to jumping me, though) and subsequently became friends with F, purely because she knew that F and I were friendly. Six months later, at a social gathering, I told her to her face that I wasn't interested in a relationship at her insistence. When I left the room, she confided to F that she didn't believe me. F told her that she should give up or, at best, use me as a fuck buddy. We were still chatting on MSN semi-regularly, though it was mostly about the hobby rather than anything personal.
So, bear in mind that this snippet was the end of a conversation that had lasted a few hours. Barring one conversation about three weeks earlier, we'd not spoken at any length for nearly eight weeks and that the timing of the conversation was pretty much a year to the day that she's jumped me and we screwed. All typos/misspellings are directly from the chat log.
Oh, and for the record, while I don't remember there being an issue exactly, F had been feeding me information (such as what happened at the social gathering when I left the room) regarding what K had been saying about me. If anything, I was trying to keep my distance, to give K space. She needed it as everything I was saying and doing was being analysed to the nth degree.
K: ...Have you sorted out what you're problem is with me yet?
Ruuude: Eh?
K: For a few weeks you seem to have had a problem relating to me
Ruuude: Ummm... we haven't spoken in aaaages
K: Yes. But part of it is because I have felt you can't cope with me
Ruuude: I honestly can't see where you would have gotten that idea from
K: Ruuude, for a while you seem to have had a problem with having a decent conversation with me. It has kind of hurt me that after everything that you haven't been able to cope with speaking to me... but I guess that's how things go.
K: I miss you as a friend.
K: Probably now isn't the best time, but maybe it is. I'd like that we could get to friendship again, but I think its going to take work - can you cope with that?
Ruuude: yes, but I think you seem to have made an awful lot of assumptions about things
Ruuude: and I don't think that right now is the best time to talk about it
K: I seem to remember that you thought someone else had made a large number of assumptions about you. Maybe I have, but maybe you need to be clearer
Ruuude: We'll talk about this at some other time
K: Maybe. But don't make this yet another avoidance strategy. As far as I'm concerned you do too many of those.
And we never talked about it again, because K never talked about it again.
Sunday, December 03, 2017
Bah and Humbug.
Years ago, KfW2 and I started a tradition where we'd meet for drinks in our local Christmas Market. From then, it grew until it was a fairly big affair - S, GM, FC, CC etc. would all be invited out, and most would attend too. But it was still, at its heart, just a reason for me and KfW2 to go out. It wasn't a secret either - I'd said as much to KfW2 enough times over the past few years. Everyone else's attendance was nice, but not necessary.
This year, I didn't bother. I knew KfW2 wouldn't be able to make it regardless of the actual date, and to be honest, the attraction of the Christmas Market grows less with each passing year. We talked about it last weekend and I did admit to KfW2 that if I'd arranged anything this year, the Christmas Market would have been used as a meeting place, then we'd go somewhere nicer/more comfy.
Funnily enough, only hours after KfW2 and I had chatted, both SG and FP messaged to ask if there were any plans in place. Obviously, I declined, and thought that would be that - no-one else would step up and do the needful. But no, SG has decided that we should head out. Typically SG though, it's taken a week to send two messages.
"Are we going to the Christmas Market this year?"
"How's the 7th for everyone?"
But I'm really not feeling it this year.
This year, I didn't bother. I knew KfW2 wouldn't be able to make it regardless of the actual date, and to be honest, the attraction of the Christmas Market grows less with each passing year. We talked about it last weekend and I did admit to KfW2 that if I'd arranged anything this year, the Christmas Market would have been used as a meeting place, then we'd go somewhere nicer/more comfy.
Funnily enough, only hours after KfW2 and I had chatted, both SG and FP messaged to ask if there were any plans in place. Obviously, I declined, and thought that would be that - no-one else would step up and do the needful. But no, SG has decided that we should head out. Typically SG though, it's taken a week to send two messages.
"Are we going to the Christmas Market this year?"
"How's the 7th for everyone?"
But I'm really not feeling it this year.
Saturday, December 02, 2017
Plans.
"I'll make dinner, we can put the kids to bed and have a couple of beers."
No prizes for guessing who. It seems that it's her time to shine. Yes, it's KfW2 in case you hadn't guessed.
We'd arranged to spend Friday afternoon together. As usually happens if I visit, I hang around, she cooks while I "entertain" the kids, then we get some alone time before Mr KfW2 shows his face after work (which is some time after 10 PM).
"I can't this time. My sister has asked me to babysit. She's literally just off the phone."
It wasn't a lie. She did phone at 9 PM on a Thursday night asking me to look after her kids the next night. KfW2 started texting minutes after I'd hung up.
"Oh. OK"
I could tell she was disappointed. It was only a few days ago that we bemoaned the fact that we hadn't had a night or afternoon out since the start of the year. Having a beer and an hour in between putting the kids to bed and her hubby coming home aren't the same thing, but would have been an interim measure. A welcome one, as far as I was concerned.
I apologised on Friday. I didn't have to - I'd done nothing wrong per se, but I knew that KfW2 had been looking forward to the hour of beers and company as much as she had been of running around after her kids.
She tried to put a brave face on it.
"It's not like you won't be down visiting again," she said.
But I could detect something in her tone.
"I know," I said, "But I was looking forward to it as well. This feels like I'm rushing off."
We left it at that.
When I arrived at my sister's, my brother-in-law asked if I'd had anything planned.
"Just hanging around KfW2's for a few more hours for a beer and dinner."
Today, I'm knackered. Looking after kids for nearly 12 hours will do that to you if you're not used to it.
No prizes for guessing who. It seems that it's her time to shine. Yes, it's KfW2 in case you hadn't guessed.
We'd arranged to spend Friday afternoon together. As usually happens if I visit, I hang around, she cooks while I "entertain" the kids, then we get some alone time before Mr KfW2 shows his face after work (which is some time after 10 PM).
"I can't this time. My sister has asked me to babysit. She's literally just off the phone."
It wasn't a lie. She did phone at 9 PM on a Thursday night asking me to look after her kids the next night. KfW2 started texting minutes after I'd hung up.
"Oh. OK"
I could tell she was disappointed. It was only a few days ago that we bemoaned the fact that we hadn't had a night or afternoon out since the start of the year. Having a beer and an hour in between putting the kids to bed and her hubby coming home aren't the same thing, but would have been an interim measure. A welcome one, as far as I was concerned.
I apologised on Friday. I didn't have to - I'd done nothing wrong per se, but I knew that KfW2 had been looking forward to the hour of beers and company as much as she had been of running around after her kids.
She tried to put a brave face on it.
"It's not like you won't be down visiting again," she said.
But I could detect something in her tone.
"I know," I said, "But I was looking forward to it as well. This feels like I'm rushing off."
We left it at that.
When I arrived at my sister's, my brother-in-law asked if I'd had anything planned.
"Just hanging around KfW2's for a few more hours for a beer and dinner."
Today, I'm knackered. Looking after kids for nearly 12 hours will do that to you if you're not used to it.
Friday, December 01, 2017
Further dreams.
Two nights in a row I remember a dream? Weird. This time, it's a warm summer's day. My home town is really busy. There must be something on that's caused all these people to be about. One of my work colleagues asks me to fill in at a football match.
So off I trot to the local sports store to pick up a few things I need, when who do I bump into? CAB. She's delighted to see me. We chat for a bit before CAB says she needs to catch her bus. At the bus stop, CAB suggests we head to a bar and she'll catch the next bus in a few hours. My plans to help out my friend are ditched and we head to the nearest bar.
We settle into a corner and order drinks. Conversation flows easily. CAB misses her next bus. The conversation flows.
CAB gets a look in her eye. She becomes more tactile and things look as if they might get a bit interesting.
Then I wake up. Thankfully less confused and less tired than I was yesterday.
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