Status Update: week 13

No point in waffling on. The magic number this week is 230.4 lbs. That's the heaviest I've ever been. Or at least the heaviest I've ever been recorded, which I guess is the same thing. Though, with a lot of booze and snacks taken last week due to a few birthday parties, it's not overly surprising given recent numbers.

Calorie counting has started again, too.

Mists of time

I've spent all day today thinking about QC2, for completely unknown reasons. There are no "anniversaries" around now between her and I to prompt anything. It also provoked a feeling of missing her. I had a trawl through the BN archives to see when we last spoke, and it was in August of 2014.

That's actually a few years later than I had thought, but a part of that is the fact I've not actually seen her since early 2013.

I'd love to get her for a drink or a coffee and have a chat.

No Surprises.

Unsurprisingly, it took S about 2 seconds to mention that his cronies were coming out last night. And that they'd already decided where we were going. I wasn't really in the mood for what they were talking about so I bowed out. FC and MRS FC went out, I think. GM stayed at home.

However, CC sent a text and suggested we did breakfast... or rather brunch by the time she rises in the morning. I agreed, and I'm sat here now just waiting for her to drag her arse out of bed.

Temptation

There's an outside chance that I could be out tonight, with S and possibly FC. S tried to arrange something last night, but I couldn't, due to work-related reasons and FC wasn't interested. GM has ruled himself out due to having no money.

I'm not sure I'm in the mood tonight. if it was just S and FC, then I could maybe be tempted out. But you can almost guarantee that S will invite his cronies along and one of them is a fun repellent.

However, if we go to the place opposite FC's house, I could maybe tempt FP into coming out. That's a thought.

But I got practically no sleep last night - my stomach was misbehaving again in a serious way, then I got a work-related phone call at 6 AM, so I'm pretty tired.

A shower and a shave might perk me up, but I'll wait and see if S gets in touch.

How long?

I can't remember if I've mentioned before, but there's a girl who keeps appearing on my Tinder feed every few weeks. She's tall, pretty, athletic and pretty much ticks all my physical boxes. Alas, there has never been a reciprocal right swipe.

Oh... did I mention that she's a friend of my sister's from her university days?

Still... every time she pops up, I keep swiping right.

Sometimes though, she has a habit of not using her own name, and given that she can look quite different (she uses different photos every few months), sometimes I've swiped right before I realise who it is.

The same thing happened today. A girl pops up, pretty with an amazing smile. I'm about to swipe right when... is that my sis's uni friend? Yes! Yes it is!

So, again I swipe right.

I mentioned my sis's university friend to USHW a while ago. Probably a good few years ago at this stage, which provoked a conversation about how long crushes can last. After all, I was attracted to her when we were in our late teens, and here I am, still attracted to her in my forties (though our paths haven't crossed between those times, so it's not like I was nursing this crush actively all that time).

Same with E3 and a few girls from school who are still, IMO, as attractive/more attractive now as they were back in the day.

Well, now it's just a waiting game to see if the Tinder girl swipes back.

Status Update: Week 12

No weigh-in last week. I had the day off work, so a lie-in threw my routine somewhat and by the time I remembered to post and stand on the scales, it was Monday evening. I decided that if I didn't do a weigh-in at breakfast time on Monday, I'd skip it until the next week.

Plus, there was the slight issue of pretty much spending the week boozing and at 200 calories per can (roughly) and a lot of cans, I wasn't expecting the news to be good.

The same applies to today's weigh-in. KfW2 showing up with cake (which I finished), S popping in for a few beers and, well, drinking on my own means I wasn't expecting anything positive from the numbers. Oh, and the ice cream and general lack of calorie counting.

I need to kick on with the exercise. My back issues are getting worse and mentally, I feel very muggy. That's an issue because I have a lot of learning and training to do over the next six weeks or so. Part of it is undoubtedly pandemic-related, but part of it is definitely due to lack of exercise etc.

Saying all that, the number this week is: 229.6 lbs. I was certainly expecting a lot worse!

Random witterings.

"She is the most approachable unapproachable woman I've ever seen"

That's a quote I saw on a YouTube video I watched earlier where Charlize Theron answers questions and eats chicken wings in various different hot sauces.

In fact, this one:

And it's a great interview - it seems a lot more candid and less defensive than celebrity interviews that I've seen.

But the quote itself reminds me of something that GM said when I introduced him to KfW2 and he was subsequently gushing in his praise (is praise the right word?) of her afterwards. I might have mentioned this before, but it echoed the quote above.

EDIT: The entire series is fun, go check it out: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAzrgbu8gEMIIK3r4Se1dOZWSZzUSadfZ

Memory lane.

Listening to Radio 2 earlier and they were talking about it being the 20th anniversary of Coldplay. That means you're talking about 2000, give or take a year.

But I recall being in a car with QC2, talking about the band and our preference of songs. She preferred "Yellow" whereas I liked "Shiver" better.

But that can't be right. We stopped being co-workers in '97 and while we continued to see each other socially afterwards, I'm struggling to remember why we would have been in a car together, on a Sunday afternoon (if my memory servers me correctly).

I can even think of the road we were on as we had that specific conversation, but literally nothing else of that day. Bearing in mind I had a massive crush on QC2 for a long time, the lack of additional memory surrounding that incident is strange.

Oh dear.

Taking a lunchtime browse through tinder and who pops up? Nope, not any of the usual suspects like my sis's foxy uni friend or CB... It's actually S's girlfriend. Or is it ex-girlfriend now? He's notoriously secretive about this stuff. I've sent out a message to The Crowd to see if it provokes him into saying something.

Just stuff about "Just, y'know, stuff".

I should clarify that last night's somewhat melancholy post was not a re-surfacing of the non-platonic feelings regarding KfW2... it was a more general kind of loneliness that I was feeling.

Little touches like her bringing cake (and this morning apologising for not calling round last week per her original timetable) are things that remind me that I want to meet someone who will treat me like that. Who I can treat like that in return without raising eyebrows. Not even FA2, who was my longest relationship, was as thoughtful as KfW2 is.

A year or so ago, I bought KfW2 a little gift of a photo frame with a photo of her and her kids. She wasn't in a great place and had shared with me previously that she was always taking pics and had few of her and her kids. It wasn't expensive - the whole package, including the large photograph, was about a tenner.

And I fretted about that for ages. Was I over-stepping a line? How would that be seen by someone who didn't know us?

Ultimately, I put that aside and gave it to her and she seemed to love it, but it did bother me for longer than it should have.

Just, y'know, stuff.

KfW2 showed up tonight. It was meant to be Sunday, but there were complications. Complications that I meant to ask her about this evening, but with her manic kids in tow, we never got around to having a proper, adult conversation. She was an hour late, however, she brought cake, so all was forgiven.

I did get a hug though, and I'm going to admit, it was difficult to let go. I've admitted in previous posts that I am extremely touch starved and the pandemic/lockdown has only reinforced the loneliness. Sometimes I think that because I am single and live alone that people think I am equipped to deal with this.

And they might be right to an extent. But it doesn't mean that it eventually gets to me too, even with KfW2 visiting.

Ultimately, under the circumstances, it all comes down to being single and lonely again. The pandemic is a reminder that while I do have some good friends, I have no-one of my own to be there, someone to spend evenings with instead of sitting at a PC for 18 hours a day. Someone I can hug for as long as I want without it being weird.