Told ya!

To absolutely no one's (well, mine) surprise, S was not in contact last night. I knew he wouldn't be. GM had implied that he couldn't come out. FC and Mrs Fc had gone back home for the weekend, so that just left S and me, and whatever friends we could scrounge together.

FP wasn't available.

I guess S didn't fancy a night in the pub with just us.

Sigh.

KfW2 sent me a message at 4 PM.

"Are you in?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

I was expecting her to ask for some kind of favour. That's how pessimistic I am these days.

"Nothing. Was going to call in, if you like?"

"Oh, yes please!" was my reply.

And so, 20 minutes later, KfW2 and her kids arrive. I make us coffee and we chat while the kids browse my Disney+. I'm enjoying KfW2's company but it feels weird... stilted. We talk about our weekend plans. I might be meeting S for drinks later, though I reckon he'll not be in touch. KfW2 is hosting friends for the evening.

Then somewhat inexplicably she goes to the car and brings in Hallowe'en make-up for the kids. It turns out that they're going to a kid's Hallowe'en event in town once they leave my place, and they've just come from a birthday party.

So, did KfW2 call in because she genuinely wanted to see me or because I was going to save her nearly an hour of driving home and then returning to the kid's event?

I should make another attempt to get her out before we get into the whole Xmas season. That's when she's least available.

Vibin'

Going back to the post I made a few days ago with regards to Alison Brie and giving me a CH vibe, here's Anna Kendrick giving off a CAB vibe.

Denied.

Another dream last night though the details are, once again, already fading. It was a dream that featured me meeting someone in a hotel for sex, but then getting blocked every time we found some privacy and time to do the deed. By BW of all people! Unsurprisingly, when I woke properly this morning, I was extremely frustrated.

And then I remembered that I had to go to the dentist.

Awful morning.

At least I was able to treat myself to a really nice coffee once the dentist had robbed me blind.

Mouthing off.

Alison Brie giving off real CH vibes? Oh, go on then.

It's definitely the mouth/smile.

Payday.

Despite my boss being fairly optimistic a few weeks back about an outcome I was chasing, he was much more guarded today when we met. I still have a chance, but it's a lot less likely than I'd originally anticipated.

Still, it could all be worth it for a few hours of extra work this week.

Catching up.

KfW2 called this morning as she was going to work. We chatted about a few things. She mentioned that we arrange a night out. However, not a "me and her" night out, but with another group. Then I was chatting about the meeting I had with my bosses. Once again, the advice and feedback she provided were at odds with what she has said before. This has been an annoying thing that I've noticed with KfW2 recently.

It's been frustrating recently.

But, as always, it was nice to actually chat. Still disheartening that I can't get her to commit to a night out, given how long it's been since our last.

What about?

KfW2 was featured in a dream last night. The details have slowly disappeared throughout the day, but the core concept was that I was chasing her, romantically. Other factors and people were involved but were secondary and now forgotten.

Of course, this put me in a foul mood this morning, and it was Monday, and I was returning to work after a week off. So yeah, Ruuude was not in a good mood.

I fired KfW2 a quick text. She replied a while later, ignoring my questions and suggesting that she could meet tomorrow. This is a follow-on from last week when she arranged to meet, then never went into the office. it's implied that she wants to meet at lunch.

I can't meet her at lunch. I have meetings with my boss about stuff. I suggested that we could, if she had the time, meet after work. She's yet to reply. I hope she can spare some time, even half an hour for a coffee. But I'm pessimistic.

Bored.

Another day, another bored browse through Tinder. The number of new faces? Pretty much zero. A couple of promising-looking women who don't live locally and are presumably visiting for the weekend. Oh, and the blonde Emma Willis lookalike. Again, I swiped right, but I dunno what I'd do if we actually matched. Just like my sis's attractive university friend.

Still, have a pic of Emma Willis.

I was wrong...

...but not totally. FP did, in fact, get in touch. But I was correct in that FP doesn't want to go out tonight. He said nothing about tomorrow night, but as I said earlier, he's predictable that way.

Calling time.

I messaged FP last week to let him know I was free all week, what with taking some personal time, and suggested we meet for drinks and a catch-up. He was keen, but he's never been the most proactive when it comes to doing that kind of thing.

However, I had hoped that he'd be in touch today.  It's either tonight or tomorrow night and I'd much rather we went out tonight. Tomorrow is my last day off before work on Monday. I don't particularly want to be out late or drunk when going back to work. But... it's 6 PM, so FP is unlikely to call.

For some reason, FP has always preferred a Sunday night to a more traditional night for socialising, but I prefer a Friday or Saturday for the people-watching opportunities, plus it's busier. We would likely not go into town and just head to CB Pub, but it's a decent local bar that can have a good vibe on a busy night.

Maybe he'll prove me wrong?

Yawn.

I only remember part of the dream from last night. My sleep this week hasn't been great. Plus, with the neighbours' building work ongoing, and starting at 8 AM, it's not like I'm getting a lie-in with my week off.

However, the bit I can remember was travelling with E's sister, somewhere cold and snowy. Then I got chased by bears and then I got saved by KfW2.

Weird. And I'm knackered.

Testing...

After chatting with Nerdy Girl on Monday night over coffee where I suggested that I might show some symptoms of autism, I found a UK-based website and took their course. Nerdy Girl suggested that it might not be autism per se but rather personality quirks. She might have a point, but it's pretty difficult to know without sitting down and spending time with someone for a full-blown diagnosis. If KfW2's experience is anything to go by, these can cost up to £1000 and have a year-long waiting list... if you're lucky.

Anyway, the results of the test weren't that shocking. I've done several over the years and they all return broadly similar results. I experience a lot of the symptoms though not to a high degree, so it's always been a borderline kinda thing.

Your score suggests you experience many or all of the most common traits experienced by autistic people.

What should I do now?

The assessment for autism is very in-depth and will go into a great more detail than the above quick indicator test. You may therefore want to consider whether a full assessment will be helpful for you – our triage team can explain this in more detail. A full assessment will also look at other common mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety and ADHD – it’s common for autistic people to have another issue as well, and often these can be successfully treated.

If you are at all concerned about how you are feeling, we would always recommend speaking to someone. Our team of clinical advisors are all trained professionals who are able to help identify if there might be a problem that we can help with. We can arrange private psychiatric assessments and therapy sessions at one of our 21 nationwide locations.

The difference this time, that would actually make me consider this is the fact that this particular site suggests that an assessment might also consider other factors. I've never seen that mentioned before and is actually making me seriously consider this. I still have the links that the attractive blonde HR girl gave me at the start of the year that I have yet to use, but I wonder if this is something I can do through work?

Cheers.

I'm off work this week: PTO. I messaged FP and suggested we could meet for drinks this week. He was very keen. I left the ball in his court. I do that an awful lot because everyone else is busier than I am. I had hoped to hear from him by now, but no dice.

There's still plenty of time, though.

"lol"

On my way to meet Nerdy Girl for a walk last night, I sent a message to KfW2.

"Are you in the office tomorrow? If you are, I'm going to be in town, shopping. Wanna grab a coffee or lunch?"

I had been planning on getting into town early, doing what I need to do, and then coming home to chill. But if KfW2 was available, then leaving it a little later was worth the price.

To be honest, I knew there was a good chance she might be in the office. She did share with me a little while ago that Mondays or Tuesdays were her potential "in-the-office" days.

She replied that she was going to be in the office and that she was looking forward to seeing me. And off I went to meet Nerdy Girl.

Nerdy Girl had injured her back, so we popped off to get coffee instead of our usual walk. It was a great chat. KfW2 phoned as we were finishing up. I didn't answer the call, but I sent her a quick message.

"I'm out with someone at the moment, I'll call you in an hour or so."

Nerdy Girl and I said our farewells and I trundled off home. I called KfW2. She never answered. That's fairly typical of her, though. And I wasn't that concerned. After all, I was meeting her for lunch, and we've only seen each other twice so far this year, I think. So, yeah, not picking up wasn't a big thing, but I was looking forward to the coffee or lunch or whatever it is we were going to be doing.

So, this morning, I got out of bed, showered, did some chores and left the house at 11 AM. I fired off a quick message just before I left.

"What do you want to do?"

90 minutes later, a reply finally comes through:

"I didn't go into the office today lol"

The 'lol' angered me. She could have sent me a message at 9 AM letting me know. I could have gone into town hours earlier and been back chilling in front of the TV by lunchtime and avoided the lunchtime crowds. It implies a... lack of seriousness? A jokey thing that means little. It's flippant and fucking rude is what it is, in my opinion.

So, no lunch. No coffee. No catching up with KfW2 and trying to arrange a night out. I sent a reply saying that I was disappointed, and she did at least apologise, but it doesn't stop it from being a frustrating day.

Out out.

It was a relatively quiet night last night. We moved on quickly from our starting pub because of a loud guitarist. It's a plague in my hometown at the moment. Barely competent guitarists playing pretty much the same songs, albeit far too loud. When you're in a bar that holds, at best, forty people, the last thing you need is someone drowning out all other noise.

It's got a great vibe ordinarily, but this was awful.

While we found seats easily, we could barely hear each other speak. So, we before we'd even finished out first drinks, we decided to try a new bar. It wasn't bad but didn't have the same vibe as the one we'd left.

Regardless... it was still a good night out. Am really tired today though.

Plans.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. It's a night out with D, FBS and Friction Guy. No word on whether Opinionated Guy is showing up. For some reason, he's not in the WhatsApp group and refuses to join. But it'll be good to see the rest of them. Plus, I do enjoy a night in the pub.

Looking up.

I had a chat with my boss today. I meant to do it yesterday, while we were in the office, but I was too busy networking with my teammates given our limited face-to-face time. Plus, I was semi-distracted by the tall, cute girl clearly giving me the eye.

Anyway, I managed to get a meeting with my manager for ten minutes today. We talked about something that I'd raised months ago: a pay rise. I'd assumed that it was taking so long to get a reply because the news was bad, but it's not. It's not good news either. Our HR department wants more information, so we have to create a business case. I thought I'd done that already, but there you go. it's still taking the piss that it's taken THREE MONTHS to get to this stage.

So, I've booked in some time with my manager to draw up a business case to give to HR, and who knows? Maybe I will get the pay rise that I'm looking for, albeit four months later than I'd have liked.

Girl talk.

I was actually in the office today. I have decent employers, for the most part. So, today was less work and more fun. But I made myself scarce for half an hour to get some fresh air due to a splitting headache, and when I did that, I had a quick browse of Tinder and Bumble.

Highlights were one of the local celebrities (I may have mentioned a blonde Emma Willis before) and my sister's attractive university friend. I swiped right on both, of course, though I always wondered what I would do if my sister's friend reciprocated the 'like'. I find her attractive, and I'm really attracted to her, but I'm not sure we'd make a good couple. My sister has said a few things in passing that would make me think she's a bit... out there.

But then something else happened. I may have said that I started working in a new team and department at the start of the year. So, I've not really met a lot of my co-workers and even fewer of the wider department. But who was paying particular attention to me, pretty much all day? Only the cute, drunk woman from this post. I'm pretty sure she was giving me the eye. Am I likely to do something about it? Probably not.

Bah.

I stumbled across something today that I really should have seen sooner...  like three weeks ago. It kinda reminded me of how quickly this year seems to be passing by... especially the past few months. September's low blog post count, for starters.

But we're now heading into my least favourite time of the year. I've often posted about my dislike of the Christmas period and all that goes along with it. That extends from the middle of November (or after Hallowe'en) until Boxing Day. It's not just the festivities, it's work stuff too. Approaching the end of the year means completing projects and the dreaded performance reviews (well, they're strictly in the New Year, but I still have to collate evidence).

Plus, it's cold and dark. Bah.

Ouch

On Sunday, I helped a friend move house. Yesterday, I went out on my bike for the first time in months. Today... today I ache all over. muscles I didn't even know that I had are stiff. It hurts, but in a good way.