Eye-opening.

KfW2 is a woman. I'm sure you've gathered that by now. As such, KfW2 will phone me as she's on her way to my house for a chat. Yes, I went down the "women love to talk" angle.

This day was no different. Halfway through the conversation, KfW2 mentioned something that happened recently, or something I said.

"Hmmm... I can't remember that. Was that like at the start of July?" I asked.

"Noooooo...", KfW2 sounded dubious. "It was last week."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say.

"Your memory is really bad... like a lot worse than mine is."

I didn't want to say - I've been complaining that my short-term memory has been appalling for months.

"Yeah... I... well, let's chat about it when you get here. It's not a phone conversation."

We continued along other topics and fifteen minutes later, KfW2 appeared at my front door.

As she put on her makeup, she turned to me...

"So? Not a phone conversation?"

So, I repeated the stuff that I'd mentioned in this post.  None of it was new to KfW2, having heard it over the course of the last few months. But, like me, I don't think she realised the seriousness of it all.

"It's only recently that I've actually put it together, though", I admitted. "You know, sat down and realised that it's all added up."

"You need to phone your GP" she advised. "And email the HR dept as well. I'm going to pester you until you do these things."

And she did. I still haven't phoned the GP - more to do with getting side-tracked in work and the surgery being closed by the time I get home and remember, but she pinged me and called me every half an hour until I emailed HR.

"Good, I hope you're looking for other jobs. I know you have low self-esteem. That's bad enough in itself, but you can't be letting the job get to you as well."

I'd never considered that I might have low self esteem. I do know that working my socks off but to be never rewarded for it was certainly damaging my professional confidence on top of being frustrating and anger-inducing.

I know I have body issues, and social anxiety/shyness issues... but low self-esteem?

I'm not saying she's wrong... I'm just trying to understand it.