Status Update: Week 29

Another quick update: same weight as last week. A bit of portion control was the extent of my dietary management for last week, but I did hit the booze pretty hard at the weekend.

Oh. 232.1 lbs if you want the actual number.

Random wafflings

 I'm on my second cup of coffee made with almond milk. I'm not sure that I like it.

Status Update: Week 28

Quick update: 232.1 lbs which I think is pretty much the same as last week.

On the diet front, I have made inroads into introducing a more protein-focussed diet, but that's gonna need tweaking as time goes on.

Plans

In a conversation with a friend today, he was celebrating the fact that, when lockdown is over, groups of up to four will be able to visit the pub again. He was gloating because he hasn't been in the pub since late summer.

I countered that with a date in mid-March. That was the last time I was in the pub and I explained that I was frustrated because my early Spring months had been looking great from a social perspective.

Between mid-March and the end of April there were tentative plans for a few nights out with FP, at least one night out with The Crowd, a night out with FBS, D, Friction Guy and my long-awaited night out with KfW2.

Actually, the dates hadn't even been discussed with KfW2 about that night out, but when she talked about it (and she had mentioned in a few times in the lead up to the lockdown), she was suggesting it would be sooner rather than later.

Sigh. I miss those guys.

Out of the blue.

I made a post last week about cute women doing physical stuff - sports, rambling, that kind of thing - and a desire to meet someone like that. Well, that turned into a dream last night where I went hill walking with my sister's really cute friend. At this stage, this was just a walk, chatting, getting to know each other. It was late autumn or early winter - cold, though no snow or anything.

However, when we came home, then things turned sexual. She asked for a massage due to walking for miles up and down massive hills and when I agreed to do so, she stripped to her underwear, displaying an amazing, toned body.

As the massage ended and started turning into foreplay, this was when I woke up.

I've always found the cute uni friend to be attractive, but we don't know each other, we've never spoken beyond saying "hi" to each other when she's visited my sister and we both lived with our parents. I've swiped right on her Tinder profile numerous times (she pops up once a month or so), though we've never matched (and my privacy obsession means I don't know what I'd do if we did match). And, to be honest, despite the toned physique, I'm getting a gf crush vibe off her, like I did with CB rather than anything lusty, so her appearance in that dream, in that way last night is somewhat confusing.

And frustrating.

Status Update: Week 27

Magic number: 232.1 lbs

While I didn't do any calorie counting, I was more aware of what I was eating last week. So it was with some relief that I found myself over 3lbs down on last week.

I have a massive Tesco shop coming in the morning, and I've targetted a higher protein intake and carb reduction (I love my carbs). I need to further investigate recipes for this, but what I have seen so far is encouraging in terms of something I would enjoy and easy to cook.

I'm also experimenting with plant-based milk and meat alternatives, but that's not related to weight loss.

Just more memories.

It was five years ago tonight (probably more like early tomorrow morning, if I am being pedantic) when Sports Girl said that she liked me. Now, we were both fairly toasted, having drank heavily at S's house, then continued that in the club, but it didn't strike me as being said as a platonic thing.

This was also the night that she was dressed as Wonder Woman and looked stunning in her home-made costume. I made an excuse to go powder my nose to gather my thoughts after her "confession". When I returned, SG was gone. GM asked what had been said. When I chatted to GM about it, and he asked if I reciprocated, I suggested I'd consider something physical.

And that was true. There were plenty of red flags to suggest that SG was not a good fit for me as a non-platonic partner. As a friend? For sure. As a FwB? Could be.*

Suffice to say, there are no Hallowe'en nights out this year.

*That is, until a conversation with SG months later where she seemed almost insulted that a guy she'd been on dates with wanted to sleep with her and invited her to his hotel room.

Status Update: Week 26?

 I've lost track of time. I have done my weigh-ins over the past few weeks, I've just forgotten to record them.

Week 24: 228.5 lbs

Week 25: 228.4 lbs

Week 26: 235.2 lbs

That's comfortably the heaviest I've ever been. My back and hip are giving me problems which are probably at least partly related to the extra weight that I'm carrying.

I don't feel that I've eaten enough crap to see a 7lb increase in weight in one week - the maths just doesn't really add up based on what I've eaten, and I have had a few of those weeks even when calorie counting (I can recall two separate 5lb increases). I think I need to get back into calorie counting and start again properly. 

If anyone knows any tasty low carb recipes, please get in touch! All advice etc. welcome.

Touching Point (con'td)

Any time Stalky Guy showed me the Instagram pics of the girl he e-stalked, there were always pics of her doing stuff, especially aquatic-related activities. I think part of me has wanted to meet someone like that, where we would be out and about a lot doing stuff. Probably not swimming around in the North Sea in winter though. Brrrrr... but just rambling, walking, getting out and about... that kind of thing.

A friend of KfW2's, who I'm friends with on Facebook, posted some pics of her rambling in the hills nearby, which reminded me of the above. My sister's cute university friend, who I often see on Tinder also posts pics of her doing some hill walking.

Plus, KfW2's visit earlier, has rammed home the loneliness angle too. So I'm in a single and lonely phase, having had precious little actual personal contact with non-family people apart from CC (which often does more harm than good) and KfW2 (too little, too infrequently recently and that's both our fault) in the past three months. Three fucking months.

It also reminded me of a conversation I had with USHW years ago. I was trying to describe the mood I was in, somewhat successfully. I think I suggested that I was really missing some physical affection and, at the time, was almost constantly thinking about meeting someone new, romantically. It didn't have to turn into anything, but some affection, physical contact... physical intimacy! That was it! I knew there was a phrase I used. So, there's a desire for that which has resurfaced which probably isn't a surprise because I've talked about being touch starved before.

But something that goes beyond hugging and close contact. Waking beside someone, cuddling on the sofa... that kind of contact is something that I've been craving since KfW2 left earlier (and not with KfW2... I'd like to meet someone new).

Touching Point.

KfW2 left a while ago. She'd popped in to pick up something that I'd promised her. Apart from CC, she's the first (meaningful and non-family) person I've seen in months. Since July probably. And the time was all too brief. She was only here for about 45 minutes, and I felt like I blabbed on and on the entire time, just from having someone different to talk to.

It's not that we've spoken much otherwise. In work, she's far too busy to have a chat (as am I these days), and outside of work I admit that I've been relying on her to get in touch, because I know she's busy and I don't want to make endless calls that aren't picked up.

And I didn't even get a hug as she's got a cold. Given what's happening, we probably shouldn't hug anyway, but a hug would be so good right now.

Eesh.

Another night, more weird dreams. I can't remember the coherent thread about it, but it involved owning multiple properties that my Mother disapproved of, failing exams and various friends popping in an out. And I woke this morning with a strong urge to go travelling, maybe even to see E again.

But it hasn't left me all day... I'd really love to go travelling, see the sun again, maybe do some snorkelling or learn to scuba dive.