Year in Review

I've had more than a few drinks, so I'll try and keep this brief because typing is a real problem at the moment. Teehee. 

But, a quick recap from last year's NYE post: I had said that I wanted/needed to lose some weight and get some house stuff done. And I've actually accomplished that to a certain extent. 

The weight loss has been mostly diet-based, so next year I want to increase my activity levels. 

I want to get more house stuff done and I want to be more social.

And while it wasn't called out specifically in last year's post, being more social was something I wanted to do, and I did that a bit by going to more gigs. I used to go to gigs quite regularly but Covid ruined that, like the rest of my social life and like my social life, it hasn't recovered since we came out of the second lockdown as evidenced by this holiday's lack of any quality communication with KfW2 or The Crowd.

Despite the recent loneliness, I think 2025 has been quite productive, so I'm low-key optimistic about 2026.

Happy New Year, dear reader. I hope 2026 is a great prosperous year for you and your families. 

Party mood.

A series of memories popped into my head a few minutes ago. I think I've posted about one of them before: AM invited FBS to our New Year's Eve gathering at a party two hours away. But it wasn't just that one evening that popped into my head, there were many times where BW and I had gone to visit AM and QC1 at their student house and ended up having a great time. 

I recall sharing cigarettes and conversation with QC1 in the stairwell of the local student's union, parties in AM's flat and a few dalliances with friends of AM and QC1, even though I had the largest crush on QC1. 

I presume these memories all popped into my head because of the specific night FBS came with us, which was a New Year's Eve, probably around this time. We'd have been on the bus on the way there. 

Good times. 

Chatty, chatty.

It was 11 AM before CC called. Thankfully she seemed to be in no mood for hanging around because, despite her claims that she was only awake, she was at my house inside of 30 minutes.

A quick brunch and I was back home by 1 PM. Thankfully, she was in decent form: more conversation and less lecturing than usual, which  I was grateful for. 

Last resorts.

I've heard nothing from anyone over the holidays - KfW2 messaged on Xmas Day, promising a phone call which hasn't yet materialised. The Crowd went quiet after my probing about a quiet night out between Xmas and New Year. And my planned brunch date with Nerdy Girl fell through with no rescheduling.

So I've been "forced" to get in touch with CC to see if she wants to do brunch tomorrow, just to tick that "socialising" box. She does, but will call me in the morning. 

I predict about 10:30, because she usually isn't awake before then. 

Rack 'em up.

When I was last out with D, FBS etc. we were talking about a gig that D and I went to earlier in the year. It wasn't a genre of music that I usually like, but D had a spare ticket and I wanted to get out of the house more.

It also helped that the artist in question was an attractive woman with a great rack.

"Didn't think that was your thing," queried FBS.

"Attractive women with great racks? I'm all for it." 

D pulled out his phone, did a search and showed FBS. 

"I don't think that's a great rack," she mused.

 I've stated plenty of times before that FBS has a great rack. Or she did when she was 21.

"Oh, it's great all right," confirmed D. 

 "Well, I disagree," sniffed FBS.

 So, yeah. We're going to see her again in a few month's time when she tours Europe.

Hmmm...

A sex dream last night. The details are vague. I recall nothing about the overall dream apart from the fact I was having sex with an attractive but slightly chubby Asian woman. This was then replaced with another Asian woman, though more athletic with a bigger chest. And then I woke up.

Dressed up

I've started watching "House" over the holidays. Jennifer Morrison is in it. I only know her from "How I Met Your Mother", but in the early episodes, she wears waistcoat a lot. I've mentioned my admiration for women in trouser suits before, but there's also an element of women in waistcoats. I don't know why I like the suits and/or waistcoats... I just do.

Quick Xmas Digest.

I was meant to be meeting Nerdy Girl this morning for coffee/brunch, but she messaged last night to say that she'd be in no fit state to meet "early" today. "Early" was 11 AM. She was out drinking and dancing.

I'm in two minds about this. On one hand, I wanted to be more social this Xmas holiday, plus she was going to introduce me to her girlfriend. She's been dating her for over a year, so I've heard a lot about her, but we've never met.

On the other hand, my social battery is low, having spent the past two days at my sister's house. I had great fun over the past few days, but as an introvert

I've also (finally) heard from KfW2: a brief message on Xmas Day and a few other, random messages, mainly asking questions about places to eat. Not for us, I hasten to add. At least, not that she's admitted. She's promised a phone call in a few days, though.

Oh, and I was messaging with E, too. She's not had a great Xmas, having been in A&E for most of Xmas Day, but it sounds like it wasn't urgent and she'll be OK in a day or two once the meds kick in.

I've got another week off, but there's nothing planned. Maybe an outside chance of something with The Crowd and possibly KfW2, but I'm not holding my breath. 

Merry Xmas!

Happy Christmas all! I hope that Santa has been really good to you (or will be, depending on where you are in the world).

I'm going to have a long hot bath (a proper long, hot bath, USHW, not "our" kind), make some brekkie and this afternoon, I'll head to my sisters for Christmas lunch.

Santa, once again, completely ignored my wish for Jessica Alba.

 

 

So have some  attractive women in backless dresses.

More than a feeling.

I still haven't heard back from KfW2. That's a text message from over a week ago and a missed call that hasn't been returned. Ordinarily, I'd bitch about it but that'd be it. But as I said in one of my most recent posts, this year feels worse than it has done in some time.

I was insanely pleased a few months ago when KfW2 called. I'd sent a few text messages asking about her availability and she called me back a few days later, concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I haven't seen you in a bit and wondered if you were free for dinner or drinks."

She pondered through a few things and suggested a possible end of November date or something after that, with her eldest son for Christmas, like we did a few years ago.

"Whatever suits you."

I didn't mean that. I don't want to be bundled into something else, just so she can tick a box. I don't like feeling like I'm a box that needs ticked. I'd like to see her because she wants to come out and be my company. 

But, regardless, those plans never turned into anything. I could have chased her up, but I know that she simply forgot, or she was double-booked.

But the point being that I don't want to go back to work in two weeks time and think that I've done nothing. That's happened before where I've enjoyed my time off, but I've barely left the house, done some gaming, watched some TV and then gone back to work with nothing really to show for the time away.

And part of that is seeing people - being social. Not family, but those others close to me. And those who are close to me, I'm seeing less frequently. And that's also a factor in how I'm feeling.

Sigh.

I know the last few posts have been bitching about my loneliness and my inability to get KfW2 out. But it does feel like it's hitting me a bit more this year than it has done in the past few years. I am nearly always lonely at Christmas, but it feels different this year.

It's a more specific loneliness - I want to meet someone. I've had holidays like that before, with that loneliness, but it's been a few years since it hit me like this.

KfW2 is bearing the brunt of it on the blog. I'm trying to scratch that itch by being social, by getting KfW2 or The Crowd out to the pub.

It's not really her fault, nor is it her fault that I can't get her out for dinner or drinks. Well, it kinda is, but she has her own life, kids, and a medical condition to manage. And I understand that. Doesn't mean that I have to like it.

Hangin' on the telephone

I did call KfW2 earlier, but she never picked up. I didn't leave a message. I never leave a message. She'll see the missed call notification and call me back, hopefully sooner rather than later. 

Party On (cont'd)

It goes without saying, of course, that I'll cave and I'll message KfW2 and try to arrange something social before the new year. I'm guessing* tomorrow when I am out doing some clothes shopping.

If we do, magically, manage to arrange something, it won't be before Xmas at this stage. She's always too busy to arrange something like that at short notice, and I'm pretty sure she was out last night and is out again tonight. But there's a possibility that she might be available in that window between Xmas Day and New Year's Eve.

I've already got tentative plans with Nerdy Girl for brunch or lunch in the same period and I threw out a suggestion to The Crowd in our group chat this morning for something similar.

*that's when I've decided it will be 

Party On.

I got my big Christmas shop delivered yesterday and it dawned on me this morning that it's about 80% snacks and party food. At this stage, there is little to no chance that I am going to be doing any hosting. I haven't done any in this house since before Covid. So why did I buy all this food, enough for over a week, if I know that no-one will be calling? Habit? Hope?

I keep thinking about meeting KfW2 for a drink, like we used to do every year, but really it's the complete lack of anything that's been planned this year. And Facebook tells me that it's our 15th Facebook anniversary as friends today, reminding me of some of our best nights out.

I don't know how that makes me feel. Not good, for starters. It's not a good time of year for me with feeling lonely. I've reached out to The Crowd about meeting after Xmas. I'm toying with contacting KfW2, but if I am being honest, I'm tired of asking.

'Member?

It's an anniversary of sorts... a couple, actually. Firstly, it's ten years since I moved into this house. It's not the date anniversary, but it was the third Friday of December. I'd been at a work thing with KfW2 and spent the entire day massively hungover. The actual date was yesterday. 

It's a similar anniversary to meeting Chloe. Again, not the date which is actually the 15th, a few days ago, but yesterday being the third Thursday of the month was when I met Chloe on a night out with S, GM and FC. She was out on her own work event, being chatted up by some guy who didn't work with her, but was maybe related to someone she worked with? Those details are vague, but I was quite drunk that night.

And while I'm at it, I can't recall if I ever stated this, but Chloe reminds me of the blonde woman from the "threesome" dream post last week. Similar figure, smile etc.

Big Sigh

KfW2 featured in a dream last night. In it, I was trying to spend time with KfW2 but she kept asking for favours, which I would gladly do, but when I tried to make arrangements to see her, she'd ask for another favour. And so, when I woke up, I felt a little down because it felt, in the dream, that KfW2 was using me with no payoff.

She doesn't do that IRL, of course, but it has been frustrating trying to get her out for a Christmas drink. 

Cheers!

So, my plan of getting Quiet Girl, Stalky Guy etc. out to CB Pub actually worked. Originally, QG was going to call her husband to get a lift home around 7 PM and offered me a lift, too. But then I threw out the CB Pub proposal and everyone accepted.

"You know, I could be talked into that..." pondered QG.

"I didn't ask you cos you said you were going home, but you're more than welcome to join us."

"Well, it is on the way home."

And with that, I ordered a taxi. 

We only stayed for a couple of drinks, but that was the plan. I was home around 10 PM, and quite drunk. My alcohol tolerance has plummeted this past year.

QG's friend was also in the office, but she didn't join us at the drinks reception. Apparently she left, mid-afternoon. I've not seen or spoken to her since the work event where she might have slapped my ass and asked me to text/call her.

It's still so quiet.

Quiet Girl will be coming into the office tomorrow, she announced earlier. There's a drinks reception afterwards, but I'm kinda hoping that I can talk people into leaving that and going somewhere more public and neutral.

For the people I have in mind, CB Pub is the prime location. It's on the way home for three of us: Stalky Guy, QG and myself, and a few others. That's a long shot, mind you, but depending on how things go tomorrow, I'll throw it out as a suggestion.

*smug*

On my way back from doing some tasks yesterday, I got talking to my next door neighbour. The one who looks good in yoga pants, not her husband.

 We were chatting for quite some time and towards the end, I admitted my age. I didn't just blurt it out, it came up in conversation. Yoga Pants Neighbour was shocked.

"Really? I thought you were my age. You look easily ten years younger." 

I'm going to be honest, dear reader, my ego was well and truly stroked. It's not the first time someone has thought I'm younger. Chloe was equally surprised when I admitted how old I was. 

But it's always nice to hear.

And now I've typed that out, I'm getting deja vu. Have I had this conversation with YPN before? 

It's oh, so quiet.

We have a work thing on Wednesday in the office. It was OK last year, though I do recall an attractive woman in a stunning backless dress. I am, by default, against socialising things in the office. I much prefer getting people into neutral spaces where I feel people let their hair down a little more.

I've just messaged Quiet Girl to see if she's going. I've not seen her in months, and it'd be great to catch up. She said she'd think about it and see if other people were going, but not, I noticed, her redhead friend who may have asked me to call her. 

So, potentially seeing QG on Wednesday. 

Planning ahead, looking back.

Facebook reminds me that it's the anniversary of the first Xmas Day out to the local Xmas market with KfW2 that also involved Mr KfW2 and CC. But most importantly, I received a drunken but extremely sweet voicemail from KfW2 at the end of the evening as she was in the taxi home, telling me how much she thought I was great.

I miss those days of our friendship, when getting her out to be social wasn't so much of a chore and hard work. It's less that two weeks until Xmas and she still hasn't confirmed any Xmas plans, despite promising to. I'll follow up with her later, or tomorrow, but I don't remain optimistic. I already know she's fully booked next weekend, which is probably our last opportunity before Xmas.

Not going out.

Yeah, so nothing from S at all (unsurprisingly), so I sat in, watched The Flash (the film version, not the TV programme) and munched on snacks. It's actually quite good for a film supposedly stuck in development hell for years.

Still tbc

It's 7:55 PM and I've not heard from S. So I am going to assume that he's not going top be in contact and even if he is, I am rapidly settling into "cocoon mode" which means only a guaranteed snog from Jessica Alba could persuade me to leave the house.

tbc

Just back from lunch with G. As always, it was great catching up. As of now, I've heard nothing from S about going out tonight. The weather's awful here, so currently, my plan is to stay inside, turn up the heat and chill.

If S does get in touch, I'll reconsider, but I am not being proactive about this.

Eye in the sky.

Random stuff I just found out... I am on Google Maps satellite view. Kinda cool, eh? I'm cutting the grass in my back garden. You can't see me clearly, and unless you understood the context of what's in the picture, you'd likely never even know, but still...

Well, the nerd in me thinks it's kinda cool. 

Plans

I'm meant to be meeting G for lunch tomorrow. I've not heard anything yet, but I expect a confirmation soon.

I'm also, supposedly, meant to be meeting S and his unrequited love tomorrow evening. It's S's birthday soon, and she usually comes to visit around this time. But these arrangements were made the last time The Crowd were out, so I don't know if they're still going ahead.

I describe her as S's unrequited love, but I think he's well over her by now, at least from a romantic perspective. They are close enough friends. I think I've explained all that before, so I won't go into it again.

S's unrequited love and I get along great. It'd be great to see her again... it's been a few years since we've chatted. But I'm not holding my breath that S will be in touch, and if he is, I'll play it by ear. Maybe go out for a few drinks and see what happens. I've done an awful lot of drinking over the past few weeks and it's reminded me how much I don't like being drunk, but I do like the social, people watching, aspect of it. Maybe I'll try and get home early in preparation for a chill Sunday.

Suits you.

I mean to post yesterday that I did, in fact, fit into my old, nice, suit. And despite the unfortunate circumstances that meant I was wearing it, I did feel quite good about myself.

I was just about able to fit into the suit, but for good reasons rather than bad ones, and all to do with the weight loss. So that means that I currently weigh less than I did when I bought this suit which, if memory serves, was late 2013. 

I got several nice comments from my brother-in-law's family about how well I was looking. 

Lightbulb.

When my sister dropped me off home last evening after the funeral, she used her oft-used phrase:

"You know where we are, don't be a stranger."

I've posted before about how her... laziness? means that she rarely visits me. And by that I mean steps across the threshold for a cup of tea or a chat. In the ten years I've lived here (anniversary in a few days time), I can easily say I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she's made a social visit that wasn't a direct invite by me.

I gestured to my house.

"You know the same applies here, right?"

Not accusatory, just a suggestion. It looked like a lightbulb moment.

"Oh yeah. That's right. Good call." 

And with that, we bade each other goodbye and I went into the house as she drove off. Will this make a difference?

Dream a trois.

I didn't sleep well last night. It was after 4 AM before I finally dropped off to sleep, but I woke this morning to the end of a dream that I think I've had before in various flavours. It's actually based off a real life incident from back in 2005.

In real life, the people from the online hobby met up in London one weekend. During that weekend, USHW and I shared a room and a bed. Originally it was meant to be F, but she had to pull out for reasons I can't remember. Anyway, on the Saturday night, after we'd parted with everyone else at the pub, we got back to the hotel and were chatting in our room.

Someone started knocking on the door - it was a woman from the online hobby. I'd never met her before this day nor had I communicated with her, but she was friends with a guy that I sorta knew.

Anyway, we invited her in, we chatted and drank for a bit before I went to sleep. The next day, when USHW and I were talking, we decided that she'd come looking for a hookup with me and got blind-sided by us sharing a room. 

That's what happened in real life. In the dream, it wasn't the blonde woman who knocked on the door, but K. I ended up having a threesome with USHW and K and we all fell asleep contented. K woke me early the next morning, dragged me to the shower and fucked me. I dried off, leaving K to her shower and returned to bed where USHW was stirring.

When K left the bathroom to get dressed, I was going down on USHW. K got angry/jealous, hurriedly dressed herself and left and that's where the dream ended.

In real life, USHW and I never had sex. I had fucked K on another occasion that I think is pretty well documented on this blog. However, I have had variations of that dream before with different women. So I was in a combo mood this morning of being super-tired and super-horny and that's made me super-grumpy.

Suits you.

The funeral is tomorrow, so I need to dust off the suit, tie and shoes. The question is, though, which one?

I've mentioned, in passing, that I've been on a weight loss journey this year. It was kicked off by another funeral roughly around this time last year. I couldn't fit into my suit, that I hadn't worn since FP's funeral a few years back. I was disappointed for a few reasons. 

Firstly, I liked the suit. It was one that KfW2 helped me pick out and I never felt as self-conscious in it as I did in other suits. I think because of KfW2's influence and her approval. I know USHW often posted positiver comments when she saw me in the suit and CH's eyes near popped out of her head when she saw me in it at work events. So not being able to fit into it was disappointing. 

Secondly, when I went to buy a new suit, I had to look at jackets and trousers several sizes up. I had put on a lot of weight since Covid.

I made the executive decision there and then to buy a cheap suit and start thinking about proper weight loss.

So here we are, a year later. I've lost a significant amount of weight. I've probably not been this weight in at least a decade or longer, so I am extremely confident that when I try on the older suit at lunchtime that it'll fit again.

Oh dear (Part 2)

The bad news came through this morning which means I have a funeral to attend later this week. From chatting to my sister, it's likely to be Wednesday or Thursday. From a selfish perspective, Thursday suits me better. Past funerals for that part of the family have turned into drinking sessions, and I already have Friday booked off as personal leave, so a Thursday funeral would work.

Oh dear.

I'm expecting some bad news today. It's something I've been expecting for about a month now, but it look like things will be resolved by tomorrow at the very latest. It's not something that's going to impact me, but will impact my sister and her family. It might require some time off work, but I've been keeping a day's holiday in my back pocket for exactly this occasion.

Plans

G sent a message a few hours ago. I thought it was going to be a last-minute thing, because I knew he'd be home this month, but it wasn't. It was about next Saturday. Was I free for lunch?

I am, so we quickly made arrangements. Roll on next weekend.

Sadly, I think the days of us meeting for drinks are over. He used to stay with his Mum when he came over, but family circumstances have changed so he stays with, or near, his sister who's 20 miles away. 

That's not conducive to hitting a decent pub, having half a dozen pints and getting a taxi home. Which is a massive shame. He was great company for putting the world to rights over a few drinks and we've had our own adventures in the past. I've blogged about a few of them here.

Vibes

I met up with some ex-colleagues last night for a catch-up. It wasn't a particularly drunken or late evening. Left the house at 5 PM and I was home by 11 PM. We grabbed some food then hit a favourite bar of mine. I think I've posted about the bar before, I've been to it many, many times over the years.

One of the barmaids has been mentioned here, too, I think. She's been serving in the bar for easily 15 years. I still recall a couple of stories involving GM and another ex-colleague who's dropped off the radar these days (thankfully).

It was just a decent night of quiet pints and chat, no real newsworthy moments apart from the cute woman who sat at the table beside us who was giving off serious Anna Kendrick vibes. However, she was easily half my age.

I was also sat with my back to the majority of the pub, so I definitely missed out on loads, but I was happy enough chatting and didn't really need the distraction.

Circling.

It seems to be that a memory or a blog post prompts other memories, these days. This time, it's FA2 and QC3. I think I've mentioned before that QC3 and I were attracted to each other. We both knew it, but we never acted upon it. I don't know that I ever regarded her as girlfriend material, but I did want to have sex with her. However, the timing was bad.

Around the time that our mutual attraction became apparent, QC3 was ready to move away, to Glasgow. In the remaining time, maybe three or four weeks, while we saw plenty of each other, it was always in group company. We never thought of going on a date or going out without anyone else, I think we were each expecting the other to make the first move. On the eve of QC3 actually moving, we managed the grand total of one kiss, while we were out with D and he was at the bar or in the toilet.

I did visit her a few months later, we did share a bed, we were both naked and cuddling when I woke but I don't think we slept together. I returned home and we never spoke of it again.

About a month later, the thing with FA2 started and that was it.

QC3 lasted about a year in Glasgow, possibly slightly less, before she returned home by which time I was dating FA2. I'll be honest, I never really stopped wanting to fuck QC3 even when I was dating FA2, but I was dating FA2, so I never made any moves. 

FA2 and QC3 saw each other a bit - I was still going for drinks with D etc. and QC3 was our friend. I think FA2 suspected something, she seemed more keen to get to know QC3 than anyone else. But I don't think she heard about our orbiting from anyone else.

But that's a long-winded story about QC3 who kick started my thing with pierced belly buttons. I'd seen it loads of times. She also had a ring of tattoos around her navel and a super flat stomach. She wore plenty of crop tops to show off her midriff long before any attraction between us. It wasn't just about that one time seeing her naked.

But I'd never admitted to FA2 that it was QC3 who started that appreciation, but I do wonder if FA2 got her belly button pierced because she thought (correctly) I wanted to fuck QC3, and QC3 had piercings and tattoos.

(I think I also was influential in FA2 getting a tattoo a few years later - I had always said that I wanted to get one done, but could never find a design that I liked. We had split up by that stage, though.)

Are you sitting comfortably?

Well, I am! My chair was finally delivered this morning. I had hoped that it would be here over the weekend, but sadly not. Add in an hour's work building it, which hasn't done my back any favours at all, and now I can finally (again) sit in a chair with some back support. Bliss!

Ring, ring.

Following on from yesterday's early morning memory of FBS, I had a similar memory this morning of FA2. I slept well last night, but I dreamed of FA2 in some capacity, though I can't remember what. However, the memory in question was a Saturday afternoon. FA2 had gone out shopping. For reasons that I can't remember, I wasn't with her. I might have been playing football.

Anyway, I remember FA2 arriving home and me helping her into the house with the shopping. As I closed the front door with the last of the shopping, FA2 kissed me.

"I got myself a present, but I think you'll like it," she grinned.

"Show me, show me!"

She pulled up her jumper to reveal a newly-pierced belly button, a ring. I've always been a fan, and FA2 knew this. I wasted no time in taking FA2 upstairs for some adult time fun where I spent a lot of time looking and playing with her new piercing. 

She'd never voiced any interest in getting her navel pierced, so I was always dubious about whether it was done for her or me. I had, however, expressed an appreciation of it (that might have been kickstarted by QC3). However, I never asked her about it and I enjoyed it while it lasted. She had it removed about a month later because she was allergic to the metal in the ring and never got it replaced. 

Toasty

Well, it's finally done. Arguably, it's something I should have done ten years ago, but the first part of the house renovation is complete. I got lucky, too. The previous system was old and in really bad shape and I am genuinely surprised that it never just packed up.

I gave USHW a running commentary from my office, which I didn't leave for the entire day until I inspected the work.

And I'm hoping for a good night's sleep, because I only got about 3 hours last night. And due to that memory/thought about FBS, I've been... frustrated all day long. 

Urgh.

I don't know why, but I feel physically ill. I think it's nerves or something with the guys doing the work in the house, but I've spoken to the main guy and all the work I wanted done is being done, even if it's not specifically called out in the quote.

This had bothered me over the past few weeks, which I'd shared with USHW. But that shouldn't be a problem now, so why do I feel nauseous?

Top of the morning.

I didn't sleep last night. I had to be up early to prep for the work guys who arrived at 8 AM, but a recurring thought/memory I had last night as I was trying to get to sleep was a night at FBS's back in the day. At this stage, we'd fooled around a bit - kissing, but no sex. However, each time, I made sure FBS was on top so I could stroke her back.

On this particular evening, as we settled into this pattern, she made a decision. I was going to be on top, this time. And that's how it panned out. But it was different, and not just with me being on top. She was a little more aggressive, grinding against me, hooking her legs around me. It was a definite prelude to sex, though it would be another few weeks before we took that step.

So... yeah. A pleasant if somewhat frustrating thought that popped into my head several times in the early hours of this morning.