SG spent two weeks trying to persuade me to turn up to a formal event that she was going to. Not to be her date, for clarity, cos that wouldn't have been an issue - she simply wanted me to turn up. I resisted. I don't like landing into another person's event, especially something formal. Plus, with my shyness and confidence issues, I'd need to be speaking to SG (or the three or four others I knew at the event), but I didn't want to take them away from it. Right up until a few hours before the event, SG was still trying to talk me round. I ended up going to S's for a few drinks, then we, in a last-minute change of plans, ended up in a pub. A pub that was only round the corner from SG's event. It was chosen that way because SG implied that she'd join us.
She didn't, of course. As it happens, I was walking past the venue in my hunt for a cab home. I called in and met Mrs FC. SG walked past, but ignored us. Eventually, after about ten minutes, SG realised I was there and hugged me. And that was the last she looked at me for the 45 minutes I was there, waiting for a cab. I could have said good evening when the cab arrived, but I wasn't in the mood. I left without saying anything.
As tends to happen, this causes me to get a bit down, to feel lonely. It's not a singledom thing, though not being single would help. It's about having people that I can count on or who don't let me down often. I'm struggling to think who there is, but really KfW2 is the only candidate... and when she does have to cancel at the last minute, I know she's genuinely sorry. SG, on the other hand, makes so many arrangements that she can't possibly commit to them all. In the brief time I've known her, she's cancelled at the last minute on numerous occasions including a night she invited me to hers for dinner, a night she talked about a trip to the pub before visiting an old boyfriend, gone quiet for a week at a time and various invites to my place for coffee, beers etc.
It's not just SG though. I've faced similar issues with GM and CH as well. These three people are people I feel I connected with which is I feel genuinely hurt when things don't work out. I get annoyed when, for example, S lets me down, but for those three mentioned previously, it's more than that. Partly because I put a lot into my friendships with those I connect with and partly, because of the connection I feel, I (illogically) hold these people to higher standards. It hurts when I don't get a fraction of that in return. In my opinion, there's more to friendship than simply turning up to the pub every so often.
I disastrously tried to address that with CH last year. I don't know if that friendship will ever recover. I have toyed with the idea of talking to SG about this, but I don't know if its a good idea - the timing is bad and I'm not entirely sure that it would have any effect. She's flaky/flighty and I don't think she'll ever change. You just have to put up with the negative as well as the positive (and don't get me wrong, SG has a lot going for her, not least her empathy).
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