Time.

This month has seemingly been both the shortest, and longest, that I can remember. My days are long.  Settling into a new role at work, but have been left somewhat isolated with little to do. My evenings go by so quickly. That's felt weird.

I'm apprehensive about the new role. There's low level anxiety there. Nowhere near the amount I was experiencing before Christmas, but still there. But I'm also kinda optimistic about it. There are going to be hard times ahead until I get settled though.

Despite my best intentions, I'm not seeing KfW2 this weekend. Time just got away from me this week. I will call her and chat, but it'll probably be next weekend at the earliest.

No-kay Cupid.

So, despite this post, where I said I was going to reactivate my OK Cupid account to try online dating again, I've made no progress. The problem is that it won't let me reactivate my account and their customer service department has now stopped replying to my emails. The decision now is do I try something else (probably eHarmony) or just stick with Tinder and Bumble.

I'm edging towards trying eHarmony. Sticking only with Tinder or Bumble seems kinda pointless given my complete lack of matches over the past few years. I could also just create another email address to use to register on OK Cupid, but I've been put off by their customer service experience.

Ungentlemanly thoughts.

I've found myself going to bed later and later. I think it's a leftover from being off work for nearly four weeks over the Xmas period.

Typically, it's because I'm watching a film or reading a book. Last night, it was Guy Ritchie's The Gentlemen. It was reasonably enjoyable, but one of the final shots of the film was Michelle Dockery in a short skirt and boots.

Mmmm... short skirt and boots. Definitely giving me ungentlemanly thoughts.

Kinda reminds me of a picture that Attractive Neighbour used in one of her Tinder appearances.

Just talking.

KfW2 phoned earlier, just for a chat.

After talking about KfW2 and her mental health for a bit, we got onto the subject of communication. KfW2 was very guilty.

"We used to talk every day and I feel like I've ignored you for the past two years!"

I reassured her that that wasn't the case, but she was adamant.

"You're brilliant at being in touch with people. I just forget about them."

Our relationship has changed, slowly, over the years. She's changed, her life's changed and mine hasn't. I remember having a conversation with USHW, years ago, where I had concerns that our friendship would change once KfW2 got married. That came to pass, and despite my best efforts, we saw each other more and more infrequently, especially when she was pregnant twice in quick succession.

Then she decided to do more working from home, she changed jobs, she got a couple of promotions and each change meant we'd talk or see each other less. I've probably posted before, but I can't remember the last time we went out, just the two of us, for something that wasn't our birthday. I think it's at least five years.

Regardless, I shared none of this. I told her that she wasn't solely to blame. I had communicated less, too. And that's true, especially during 2021. I was more withdrawn in general, I had stuff on my mind that made me preoccupied and by the time I realised, it was December and the year had passed me by.

I had spent most of 2020 reaching out to people, chatting, and making sure they were OK during the first wave of the pandemic. I guess I got tired and when I had my own problems to solve, being proactive in chatting to people just fell away. And none of that proactiveness was reflected back to me.

I'm hoping that we'll see each other very soon, possibly even this coming weekend, but KfW2 won't make a decision. If she decides to drink, we'll have to go somewhere local to her, which restricts our options. If she doesn't want to drink, she can drive and the world is our oyster. It's just getting her to decide.

Catch up

It wasn't a really late night. I was back in the house around 145 AM, but I didn't wake up this morning until after 11 AM and I've been feeling really muggy all day long. It's been a long time since I was that drunk, and I have to say that I really didn't like feeling the way I did today. I don't remember ever feeling that muggy before, plus the not waking until after 11 AM thing is new.

And it was a good night, catching up with the boys. I've not seen FC in over a year, and chats with GM and S have been brief and not really going into any depth.

Balls.

We didn't go for a walk last night. The weather had closed in and was raining, so we adjourned to the pub to play pool. It was nice catching up and it was nice getting out of the house, although I would have preferred the walk if I am being honest.

Next up - potentially out with FC,GM and S at the weekend to a local bar.

About time.

A few days ago, KfW2 visited. That's the first time I've talked to her in any way since she had her episode a week before Christmas. We have been in contact, but it's all been via text.

And it was great seeing her. She still has some of the same symptoms that she exhibited that night, but not to the same extent as, maybe just as importantly, she's a little used to it, so the panic that probably made things worse, wasn't present.

I'm hoping that we might get out for dinner and drinks within the next few weeks. KfW2 is very keen for that to happen, but it's KfW2. At the best of times, she won't make a decision about where to eat or when.

Still, dinner and drinks, just us, is something I'm definitely looking forward to. I still can't remember the last time we were out for a non-birthday reason, and this upcoming thing falls under that category, but beggars can't be choosers.

Dreams

I had a dream about CH last night. The details are a little hazy, but I was visiting someone and CH popped in to visit too. Strangely, I don['t think this was someone CH knows. Stuff happened, I had to go elsewhere, and when I returned, CH had gone and the person I was visiting told me that CH had split from her husband.

And then CH reappeared and I decided that I would pursue a physical relationship with her. And it was around this stage that I woke up.

That's the first I've thought about CH in a long time, though it kinda falls into the same kind of dream that I was having over the Christmas period involving FA2 or FBS around wanting to wake up with a warm body beside me.

Well, maybe not the same kind of dream, but definitely a similar feeling/mood upon waking and remembering the dreams.

Hot coffee

I decided that I would treat myself to a coffee machine for Christmas. Ideally I'd like a full bean-to-cup machine, but I don't really have the space to put one, nor do I have the money to spend on one. I'll definitely revisit the idea once I get my kitchen renovated, which is probably at least a year away.

I did buy a pod machine. A Tassimo. If there's one thing I miss because I'm WFH and not in the office, it's the company of people. Secondary to that, though, is the treat of a nice coffee and no instant coffee I've tried has really scratched that itch.

It was delivered this morning... but the package with the coffee in it is still in transit somewhere, despite them both being part of the same order. Sigh.

Out and about

I'm meeting Nerdy Girl tonight for a walk. It's dry but very cold, but I'm looking forward to meeting her. We've arranged and postponed a few things over the Christmas period, so this is long overdue. If it rains, then it won't be a walk, it'll like be the less energetic, but still enjoyable, games of pool.

Here we go again.

I don't know why, but I've decided to re-open my OK Cupid account. It's been years since I had an account on a "proper" online dating site rather than one of the apps, but I've done most of the mainstream ones in the past (Match, Plenty of Fish, OKC, eHarmony) and only Match paid dividends (DSC, Date No. 1).

Even though Match owns pretty much everything these days, I've decided that OKC is the one. I don't know why. I have misgivings about the main Match.com site, about bots and fake accounts to bolster the numbers and fake traffic. Plus with it being limited free (with features locked in subscription), you can never tell if someone has read your email but not replied, or simply not read your email because they're not a subscriber (I seem to recall this was an question with CB).

But I guess I have nothing to lose at this stage, right?