Let's go round again.

Unlike a lot of people, I always liked going out on New Year's Eve. There is, in my opinion, a different vibe to any other night out and people seem more willing to just talk to strangers. Whether that's just me or a more common thing, I don't know.

Not tonight though. People are ill, the weather's awful and I think I'm fighting off something - I can feel it in my throat.

This year, my Christmas socialising has been a washout. KfW2 has been quiet, The Crowd are ill and I'm back in work in 2 days time. I am disappointed that I've not met KfW2, but that's been a problem for the past year. Perhaps even longer, if I am being honest.

I have enjoyed the holidays, I do feel somewhat recharged (ask me again on Thursday afternoon, though), but next year is not promising to be any easier. I need to knuckle down and get some house stuff done and I need to lose a lot of weight. I'll find out how much when I step on my new scales at the weekend.

Oh, hi there!

A little over 16 months ago, AM promised to arrange a night out with a group of friends that included QC1 and another of her university friends. Why the third woman needed to be present is a mystery because she doesn't live anywhere near close and only comes home a few times per year.

Suffice to say, I've not heard anything from AM since then.

Imagine my surprise when the third woman posted on Facebook that she was out for lunch with AM and QC1 (and possibly all significant others).

It still saddens me that my contact, and relationship, with AM just effectively ceased once I stopped making the effort.

Hmmm.

I'd like to say that I enjoyed the party last night, but I can't say I did. That's all on me, though, and nothing to do with my sis and brother-in-law as hosts. I just felt out of place, and really lonely.

I spent most of my evening there talking to the younger guests, but once they left, I had no real desire to stay. I ordered a taxi and left, somewhat anonymously as my sister and brother-in-law were talking to other guests who were leaving and my attempts to get their attention were fruitless.

It reminded me of a work Xmas party a few years ago that I left early because I was felling in a similar way.

I am knackered today. Lack of sleep, just worn down by Xmas (even though it was quiet this year) and a stiff neck into the bargain.

Today will be a sofa and TV day.

Check it out.

For the third time in four days, I'm heading to my sister's tonight for a post Xmas party. It's annoying me that I've not been to the pub in a couple of weeks to take advantage of the party atmosphere and I'm unlikely to be in the pub between now and the new year.

My sister doesn't have any single friends that I'm aware of, at least not any who are going to be at the party. It'd be great if her super-fit university friend was there, so I would have a perv and maybe test the waters, but my sister admitted recently that she's not actually spoken to her in ages... years actually.

And I think that's what I'm missing. Being able to do some people watching and check out some attractive women.

Hmmm...

I had kinda hoped to hear from KfW2 today. After all my message to her last night was a direct question, or rather two:

What's she doing over the next week or so? Can we see each other?

She may be hungover. It's likely. But I feel like I need a "win", though it feels weird just getting a friend out for a drink or dinner a "win". Everyone has been difficult to pin down this year. KfW2, The Crowd and others. Even FBS and D etc. to a certain extent, and that's taking its toll.

But it would be nice if I heard from her. There's an outside chance that she'll invite me to hers for NYE, but that's not what I want. I want to go to a pub, just the two of us, and talk and have fun.

Then I'll happily consider doing stuff with her kids.

Socially something else

And like buses, the messages come in. Mrs FC has just messaged, explaining that she and FC have been ill pretty much all of December. So I've suggested we maybe pencil in something next weekend or after, in the new year, if they're feeling better.

Socially texting

From KfW2: "We're here for another 2 hours if you want to come in for a drink".

It's 9 PM. The confusion continues. I'm glad she thought about me to send the invite. I'm annoyed that she's fired out a last-minute invite, when she knows that I won't turn up and she knows why I won't turn up.

Then my mind goes into overdrive. If she's invited me out tonight (for what would be less than 90 minutes by the time I got showered, dressed and a cab into the city), then does that mean there are no other plans for the holidays?

I've replied and said "no" but offered to do something... anything... for the next ten days. It's over a year since I've seen her. In a few day's time it'll also be a full calendar year.

Oh, and the reasons for not going out are twofold: First of all, I've covered this before in this post. It's the cost of being an introvert. That's the first reason. The second reason is that I'm just after a HUGE Chinese and I'm stuffed and lethargic.

I've spoken to KfW2 before about these last-minute invites. She's known me for fifteen years. This won't be a surprise to her. And that in itself makes me sad.

Socially speaking.

When I suggested post-Xmas drinks to The Crowd a week or so ago, S was the only person who agreed. This is despite Mrs FC suggesting we all get together (and me then directly calling out that she could arrange it).

But at the moment, the only thing I have on my plate, social-wise, is another trip to my sis's tomorrow for a party, and meeting Nerdy Girl for breakfast on Monday.

There's nothing from KfW2, though she's out tonight in town and I still don't know if she promised to do something at the end of her snatched call on Xmas Eve. I think she did. I re-sent the "drinks" invite to The Crowd earlier this afternoon though have had no reply as of now.

I tried suggesting to FBS, D etc. that we meet in January so I could get into my fitness plan without worrying about a big night out, but it doesn't work for FBS, so I think we've pencilled in a Friday towards the end of February.

So lots of potential stuff over the next while, but I'd have much preferred to see everyone within the next few weeks, then spend the next few months seriously trying to loose weight and work on other things. But I hope something works out with The Crowd and KfW2 cos I'd love to see them.

Ah FFS.

Booze and sleep are things that don't go hand in hand for me, at least not any more. It used to be that booze would zonk me out all night. Not any more. Booze tends to mean more broken sleep, and last night was no exception.

I do semi-remember a dream though that's been a vague recurring pattern over the past month or so. Last night's involved me meeting a blonde American celebrity, though who exactly I can't remember. January Jones, maybe?

Regardless, she was very interested in getting to know me better, but played hot and cold throughout the entire dream, which involved numerous scenarios - garden parties, clubs etc.

An interesting dream, but I am knackered today and I could do with just vegging on the sofa rather than heading to my sister's.

There was also a missed call from KfW2 around 9 PM last night. I did return it, but have heard nothing since.

Happy Christmas!

Yet another year goes by and I wake on Christmas morning and Jessica Alba is nowhere to be seen. I am not really feeling on top form. There was some booze taken last night, plus I was messaging USHW as well that kept me awake slightly later than I'd anticipated.

So in the absence of Jessica Alba in my stocking, have some pictures of attractive women.

Hmmm?

KfW2 called earlier. Another snatched phone call as she was on her way to Tesco and, as usual, about three hours behind schedule. However, as she was hanging up (in a hurry), did she promise to meet up some time between Xmas and New Year?

It sounded like it, though she was gone before I could ask her to clarify what she said. It wouldn't surprise me. Me telling her that she made a promise to go to the Xmas Market and then forget would annoy her. She doesn't like being "wrong" and add to that that she would genuinely feel bad for it.

So, that might be something to look forward to over the next week.

Big sigh.

Well, KfW2 forgot that she was supposed to arrange something. I know this because she's just off the phone and I directly asked her about it. I didn't chase her up, dear reader. Pats on the back for me.

But I am really quite sad about it. I'm sad that KfW2 forgot. I'm sad that it's been a year since we last saw each other in person. I'm sad that we're drifting apart and my continued efforts to see KfW2 are not paying dividends.

I might suggest something between Xmas and New Year, but she's likely going to be doing stuff with the kids.

On the plus side, there's a football match on TV that I wanted to watch that would have been on at the same time as any pub trip, so that time's freed up.

There is an outside chance that me asking KfW2 about our pub trip might prompt her into something last-minute... like very last-minute, but that's very low probability.

Block rocking beats.

I had a dream last night that featured two people I went to primary school with: G and an attractive blonde, athletic woman. She may have been featured in posts before.

In the dream, I met her while out and about. We rekindled our friendship and romance was in the air. G came home, as he does reasonably frequently, and I invited him along to the girl's house.

However, when we got there, G suddenly was blocking any move that I or the blonde woman made in order to progress our budding romance. But we couldn't identify why he was doing this.

I don't remember any real details beyond that, though.

Weird though.

Sigh.

Stating the obvious somewhat, but it's a few days until Sunday. Why's Sunday important? Well, it's the last day of our Christmas market in town. From KfW2's chat a week or so ago, she was talking about repeating our Christmas day out from last year, which started in the market and then we went to other bars and got horrendously drunk. So, Sunday is the last day that we can do that.

But I've heard nothing from her, and I've decided that I'm not chasing her up, even if that means we'll likely go an entire year without seeing each other. I just can't be arsed. I've tried over half a dozen times this year to get her out and she's been flaky about nailing down a date all year.

Even though I've told her that I don't do last minute, as an Introvert, I'm still semi-expecting that if she does arrange something that I'll get 24 hours notice.

Back up...

Blimey, I genuinely don't believe it. It was my last day in work yesterday before I take over two weeks off at Christmas. That coincided with a work event. Sadly, it wasn't at the pub, but we did something in the building - foods, drinks and entertainment.

It was the entertainment that raised an eyebrow. For starters, one of the women involved in the entertainment, I think I've blogged about before. An attractive woman who usually wears black, slinky dresses.

There were other women, and one in particular caught my eye because she was wearing this fantastic glittery backless dress. She had her back to me and it was well over an hour before I saw what she looked like. She was extremely attractive. She was also half my age.

But that dress. *drool* My favourite type, too... one that goes tight the the what's the word? nape? No, small. One that goes right to the small of the back.

So here you are: celebs in backless dresses...

Missed call.

Facebook memories get busy around this time of year due to a plethora of work Christmas parties over the years, but the one that prompted today's blog post was the first trip that KfW2 and I had to our Christmas Market.

Setting the template for future years, KfW2 and I arranged it between ourselves then opened up invitations to everyone else. A few people turned up, had a few drinks and left, including GM and CC.

We (including KfW2's husband) were the last ones standing, and we were extremely drunk. We parted ways - I was living in a city centre apartment, but KfW2 and her hubby needed to get a taxi. I awoke the next morning to a missed call and a really sweet (drunken, but still sweet) voicemail from KfW2. It was quite long, too.

Mirror, mirror.

I had a dream last night that was pretty much all sexual. In it, I was having sex with someone. I don't know if it was someone I know and can't remember or if it was just a faceless athletic brunette. Regardless, we were having a lot of fun involved toys, food  etc. and getting suitably messy as a result.

While that was enjoyable, there was another aspect of the dream. We had hooked a camera up to a big TV in my bedroom and that was displaying our antics.

It's interesting in that this aspect of sex is something that I've never done before - I've not filmed myself having sex or taken pictures during sex. There were conversations in the past with USHW where I admitted that I'm not against it, as long as I can fully trust my partner.

But the dream last night provided another consideration - just outputting the video to a big screen, not recording - so you can see yourself in real time. And you know what? That's actually a bit of a turn-on.

And it only took a few seconds this morning to find out that hooking a webcam up to a Smart TV is almost effortless.

Memberberries.

Facebook reminds me that it's the anniversary of one of CH's morality wobbles where it looked like she was seriously considering something. This one was at a work's event and she was incredibly drunk. It was in my mind anyway after KfW2's comments a few days ago about women in work being interested in me, plus Nerdy Girl's comments about Chloe and missing opportunities.

In fact, it might also have been the night I briefly (and drunkenly) danced with Quiet Girl.

A suitable post.

It's been a while and, when I was out with Nerdy Girl on Monday evening, we stopped in at CB Pub for a drink and to continue our conversation. As it happens, a group of women were in for their Christmas party and one of them, a stunning blonde woman was wearing a suit. So this post is to reflect on that and re-iterate how much I love women in suits, especially 3-piece suits.

Here's hoping I see some women in backless dresses (unlikely) or nice boots (probably) over the party season.

 

D'oh.

I did a walk with Nerdy Girl last night. We did a slightly different route that was almost exactly the same distance as the shorter route we've been doing this year due to my injury.

As part of the conversation she was chastising me (very gently and not entirely seriously) about not contacting Chloe a few years back. I remember not really getting that vibe off her that she was looking anything romantic, but I also recall (though I was drunk) that she seemed quite earnest about getting in touch.

However, I got Covid that night and was floored for a week, then it was into Christmas and by the time the new Year rolled round, it was too late (in my opinion) to reach out, even if I thought there was reason to. Which I didn't.

And now I'm second guessing myself.

Let's see what happens.

I spoke to KfW2 last night. I was going to suggest we did dinner, as that's what I've been trying to get her out for, pretty much all year.

But she was quick to suggest we did a Christmas Market afternoon/evening with her eldest son in tow. That's what we did last year and while it's not the alone time I want, it's pretty much all I'm going to get. And that's not to say that last year wasn't fun - it absolutely was.

But, you know, it's been tough this year, and I wanted the intimacy of dinner and drinks and to be able to chat, face to face, with one of my closest friends.

Sadly though, we don't have a date nailed down because the entire family, including KfW2, are fucking useless at arranging anything.

Interestingly, as part of the conversation, I mentioned that JB was leaving for a new job and KfW2 declared, quite confidently, that she used to have notions of me. Now, I don't believe this for a second, and it also turned out that I think she was thinking of Ideas Girl. But then KfW2 also suggested that IG was not the only one who has romantic notions.

This is news to me. The only other person that I am sure had less than platonic thoughts about me was CH, and she clearly wasn't going to be sharing that with anyone else. is KfW2 just mistaken or did she know more than she let on? (For the record, even if she did know something, she has clearly forgotten any details.)

KfW2 also asked if I had been speaking to CH recently, but we've not communicated directly in years.

Bah.

During one of the last work nights out, I ended up in a local, and expensive, cocktail bar with an ex-team colleague. She introduced me to a Negroni, which was delicious.

I decided that I'd get the ingredients in around Christmas and make some for myself. I did a test run last night after getting in the required booze and... it was not how I remembered. By the third they were tasting quite nice, but still not as nice as the one in the cocktail bar.

It's not like I used cheap ingredients either. Maybe it needs further tweaking, though I don't know how you can go wrong with three different boozes in the ratio of 1:1:1.

I need to experiment.

What is that?

Facebook reminds me that it's the 11th anniversary of meeting E3 in the pub once evening after I had been out with FBS etc. and also bumping into QC1.

I've always said that I don't really do regrets per se, and that's true, but there was a twinge of something about the missed opportunity with E3. She does look good in the photo, and I look surprisingly sober.

Sigh.

CC called at lunchtime. I wasn't going to pick up because I wasn't in a CC mood, but I did anyway. She was going to go to the cafe just around the corner from my house, did I fancy meeting for brunch?

I was literally just about to start making lunch, and she immediately put me in the mood for a fry up, so I agreed.

I kinda wish I didn't. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that for the hour we sat in the cafe, she spent 15 minutes on her phone, looking at messages, searching for stuff etc. and another 15 minutes in a phone call. And the rest of it was typical CC - not listening to what I had to say, despite her asking question on those exact topics.

So, I enjoyed the fry up, but the conversation with CC just exhausted me.

Plans

I've had a few texts today, asking to get something arranged. "Something" is quite broad, but at the moment the options on the table are drinks with an ex-colleague, Money Guy, and a walk with Nerdy Girl.

The walk should be this week, weather-dependant. I've suggested that drinks with Money Guy is next week, hopefully Wednesday.

Still waiting to hear from KfW2, but you'll not be surprised to hear that a) I'm pessimistic about it and b) continually trying is getting me down.

And nothing from Mrs FP either. And there could be drinks with Nerdy Girl.

It could be busy over the next three weeks, but it's all up in the air right now.

Twenty years...

Something I've been meaning to post about over the past few days and it's always escaped me was that last month (November) marks the point where USHW and I started to really get to know each other. As far as I can remember, though that's not a guarantee of accuracy these days.

We had been chatting online before that due to the online hobby and our own respective influences and responsibilities, but if memory serves, November 2004 is when USHW started asking more personal questions, and I may have been a bit more forthcoming with some personal information. I do recall regaling her about a night out with V fuelled by booze and drugs when I returned home after spending around three months abroad for work.

Might be time to dig out the old chat logs, if I still have them.