Wonderful.

Hallowe'en always brings back fond memories, plus one frustrating one. Obviously the frustrating one was the night Sports Girl admitted she liked me while wearing a home-made Wonder Woman costume and looking absolutely stunning in it. How she liked me, I never discovered, but the timing was bad as I was living with family before I moved into my current place. I still maintain it wasn't platonic, though she never showed any signs before or after... it was just that night.

The other memories are of me being out at the pub with M, chatting to women in costume. While I get really self-conscious when dressing up (in suits or costumes), I do love a woman in costume.

And seeing as tomorrow my Instagram feed will be awash with celebrities in fancy dress, here's Myleene Klass dresses as, you guessed it, Wonder Woman.

Sigh.

The family stuff has reared its head again. It never goes away fully... it's always sitting there at the back of my mind, but occasionally things happen the brings it to the front. My sister called my yesterday to fill me in with two pieces of news. One directly related to the family stuff and one kinda, sorta family related.

Neither was great news.

Wasted time.

Even though I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to consider dating, I still occasionally browse the dating apps. I have current profiles on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.

It's a habit at this stage, though I don't know what I would do if I ever got a match, that translated to a conversation that translated to a date.

Saying that, the blonde Emma Willis lookalike appeared today plus this (IMO) stunning brunette woman who has short hair and is tall. Like 5'10" (178cm) tall. Wowzer. She also has this kinda, sorta Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays thing going on. That's a look I dig.

Fabtastic.

I came across this picture while browsing Reddit. Obviously, it's a singer though I don't know who. But look at those abs! I'm carrying far too much weight now, but I have serious abs jealousy here.

Oops, I nearly hit "publish" without actually adding the picture.

Woah.

I came across a behind-the-scenes interview with Alison Brie about an old Community episode and I'm still struck with how much I see CH in her. It's the smile (which I've already commented upon, I think), but the hair and some of her mannerisms as well.

What?

While I definitely had a dream last night, the actual details had already faded by the time I woke up earlier. My parents featured in it, as did FA2 and, I think, KfW2, though how or why escapes me. I did wake feeling in a really good mood though. Was it because I got a good nights sleep? Was it the content of the dream? Both? Does it matter?

Dream hotel.

I dreamed about CAB last night. It was a semi-memory. In real life, I broke up with her over lunch one day after something like three months of dating. We weren't moving forwards, she was due to leave the country for a post-grad university course and, despite lots of foreplay activity, we never went the full way, and by god did I want to fuck her. I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. She was pretty enthusiastic when

Neither of us outright said anything though, and that's on both of us.

In the dream, though, we went to the pub for lunch and before I had a chance to break the bad news, CAB suggested that we get a hotel at the weekend after a night out on the town. It was pretty much the only way we were getting privacy. And that's what we did - smoking, drinking and dancing to a live band before returning to the hotel and finally sealing the deal. And again in the morning. And that's how we saw out the final weeks until she went away - getting a hotel every few weeks after a night out to relieve the pressure.

Obviously I was extremely frustrated this morning and that still continues even now.

I'm lovin' it.

I ordered myself a new desk. It's something I've been wanting to do for a while. Working from home is great, but my 16 year old Ikea desk just doesn't cut it any more. I wanted a standing desk plus I also wanted something that has more desk space.

After some delivery woes and trying to explain what happened to someone who's first language isn't English, it was delivered yesterday.

It took me all day today to set it up because it's a two-person job. It's heavy and it's fiddly and requires an element of accuracy that's hard to get when I am shifting a 40kg set of legs around, trying to match up pre-drilled holes to the millimetre.

Still, it was built and after a few teething issues (I was convinced I destroyed my monitors trying to tweak my setup), I managed to sit and admire it. Oh, and I flooded my kitchen as I was filling the sink for some washing up, got side-tracked with building the desk then had to spend half an hour mopping the kitchen. At least the floors are clean. And the dishes are done.

I'm loving it so far, thought it has only been 12 hours, and there'll be further tweaking tomorrow when I sit down for work.

Quizzacle.

S has just messaged asking if I wanted to go to a pub quiz. Ordinarily, I'd love to, but after last night's excesses, I just want to sit in, order a Chinese and chill in front of the telly.

He seems to go to this pub quiz every few weeks, so no doubt another invitation will be forthcoming in a few weeks.

Out out.

My online friend messaged me and invited me out for a drink. I met them in a city centre pub that had relevance to me for two reasons: the first was that it was the pub where CH and I first cemented what would be our friendship. We left work before every one else for one of our monthly work things, chatted for an hour or so before everyone else turned up, and I think that was it. That was all it took. The other, unspoken, lust stuff came later, but from the very first time, I think it was obvious we'd be friends.

The second reason is that CAB and I would use this pub for midweek dates. We both lived at home at the time, so privacy was in short supply. This bar was quiet and we discovered this blind spot that gave us privacy to talk and well, make out. So for the price of a couple of pints we'd sit in the corner for a few hours, chat, snog and I might have gotten a bit handsy (over the clothes) on occasion.

So, what was meant to be a few quiet drinks turned out to be a lot of drinks. We left that bar and went to a couple of others. I was doing my duty as host and showing them around and I think our bar scene impressed them because they loved all the bars I showed them.

Off work today, so I got a lie-in, which was needed after a lot of pints and a late finish.

FFS.

It appears that I am on this training course at the end of the month. I kinda knew that already as my boss had shared that information, but I had some time off pre-booked for that period so I was expecting to be rescheduled. An email came out earlier, confirming it.

The guy in charge of the training told me that it was a very intensive course and we should aim to not miss any, but this is not on me. Communication around this has been awful. A lot of information was shared yesterday that we should have been told weeks ago.

In fact, a lot of information should have been shared with our managers, to better let them choose who to send on the training, and when.

It's a pattern I've seen in work over the past two years - the standard and frequency of communication has dropped off a cliff. Don't get me wrong, there can be too much at times, and I've worked with people who demand "over communication" then cry because they're that swamped with emails and IMs, they can't keep track of everything.

But, on the plus side, there was a rumour shared that could mean a substantial pay rise "soon" (probably early next year). It's hard not to get excited about that, but at the same time, expectations need to be managed.

Urgh.

I've been feeling really run down over the past few weeks. Not ill per se, but I am definitely not firing on all cylinders. I am off this coming Friday as I am hopefully meeting an online buddy for a few drinks on Thursday. I would like to take more time off, but I have a mandatory training course coming up soon and can't do anything until I get the dates.

Once that's been sorted, then I can look at booking my remaining holiday time between now and the end of the year.

I've also gotten this feeling that things are just passing me by. That I am becoming even more isolated. I'm super low energy so I'm not reaching out to people as much. CC was "complaining" to KfW2 that I was now a hermit. I've not reached out to KfW2 in weeks, though she did send a "remember me?" text message yesterday but never followed up on my reply.

I should make more of an effort, but summoning the energy is difficult right now.

Let's go?

The wanderlust continues. It wasn't a dream this time, but a vague sense of deja vu. After I graduated from university, I travelled to New Zealand. For the first month or so, I just chilled and didn't do an awful lot. As part of this, I'd sometimes walk into town. It would be sunny and warm and I'd sit at a cafe and have breakfast and a coffee.

And it was this vibe that I got this morning. It was sunny, though not warm. And I was at the dentist, not at a nice cafe. But it still took me back. And as a knock-on effect of that, the desire to travel against wormed its way into my brain.

Nerdy Girl and I actually chatted about travel last week. She wants to go to Japan. I'll not lie, Japan is somewhere I'd like to see, but it's not top of my list. I think New York's still top of my list.

Time out.

I've got a day off booked at the end of the week. A friend is coming over for a stag weekend and I'm not invited, though I think we're meant to be meeting for drinks on Thursday. I say "friend", but he's a guy I chat to from one of the online forums I'm a member of and we do some gaming together.

I've met him before - he and his fiance were in my home town about ten years ago, but I cut the night short because of a last-minute message from G who'd come home.

But I've got a two-week training course coming up at the start of next month and I still have nearly two weeks of personal time to take. I'm feeling a little... dunno... not quite a funk but definitely not my usual self. I could do with another day. I might have to look into that and see how the rest of the year is going to pan out and plan accordingly.

Themes

For the second night in a row, I've had a dream that involved being somewhere foreign, and a woman. This time, I think it was Malta. I've only been there once, on a group holiday with KfW2 amongst others, and I've not thought about that in ages.

This time, the woman in question was an attractive girl from school. I think I've posted about her before: she was a girl that I accidentally saw naked at a friend's house party. I had a mild crush on her at school - she was very attractive, had an amazing figure, but was also really down to earth and generally nice.

In the dream, I bumped into her in Malta, we went for drinks, she explained that she was thinking about emigrating to Malta and one thing led to another and we ended up in bed.

We then spent the next few days exploring Malta to find somewhere for her to live. I woke before any kind of resolution.

I've not thought about this girl in months - she pops up on my Facebook feed semi-frequently, but that's the height of it. We've not spoken in years and she wasn't at our school reunion a few years back. So, it was all somewhat random having these things figure in the dream.

Wet dreams.

I had a dream last night that involved K, travel to New Zealand and my neighbours from the back of the house that I've not actually met. The details are somewhat fuzzy, but I travelled to NZ for some kind of espionage thing. I met my back neighbours, one of whom was an attractive woman in her early 30s (this is not the case IRL) and we hit it off over drinks by a random pool, only for K to arrive and ruin everything.

She did, though, talk me into taking her to my hotel room before things got physical in the shower.

I woke this morning somewhat frustrated (I've been low-key horny all week tbh) but also had that travel bug too.

The K thing is interesting as I can't remember the last time I thought of her, never mind sexually. Several aspects of the dream semi-mirrored real life - she deliberately hunted out women that I was chatting to online without my online hobby, including inviting herself to my home town when another friend was visiting. This was all done to ascertain if there was anything going on with them. The online hobby did create its own set of dalliances, though that wasn't my thing.    

And she was a huge fan of shower sex. We never actually fucked in the shower, but she made plenty of references to it when I was trying to get her to consider a FwB thing.

Let's not go.

Well, that lasted long. FBS reached out to Opinionated Guy who can't make the proposed dates, so we're back to square one. I suggested to the group that they arrange a night without me and we can do another one after Christmas.

I'm kinda dialling back stuff between now and December. I'm trying to put something in place, that I don't want to talk about right this minute, but if it comes off, then my availability is going to be limited, socially.

Saying that, there's still a work thing at the end of the month, and G has already hinted at a visit in the middle of November. It's pointless mentioning KfW2 at this stage. As I've repeatedly said, it's been nothing but trouble... Maybe trouble is the wrong word, but it feels like a pointless exercise. I ask her to name a date, she goes quiet, rinse and repeat.

Let's go

FBS was in touch to see if anyone was interested in meeting for drinks. Both D and I have already agreed and the tentative date is just over two weeks away. That's impressive for us... usually we need a month or so to get everyone's free time to line up. Friction Guy hasn't yet replied, so we'll need to see how this turns out. Otherwise, I don't think I'm free until mid-December at the earliest.

Missed opportunities.

It was M's wedding anniversary yesterday or Monday. He did mention it on Sunday evening, but I forgot all about it until wedding photos turned up in my Facebook memories today.

I took my own photos but I am disappointed by the lack of photos of MMBF and SBF who were both stunning that day to the point I even made some effort to take things to some level, at least with MMBF. I do have a few of E3, and sometimes I still wonder what might have happened had things turned out differently there instead of her trying to kiss me in full view of all our friends.

Yes, I'm stubborn... and private.

Let's go back.

Semi-randomly, BR sent through a couple of photos from school. Not casual photos, but staged, official photos. I went through old school photos a while ago, sharing some with USHW and pointing out old crushes of mine. I went to a mixed school and coupled, with teenaged Ruuude's hormones running amok, there were quite a few, including a few people mentioned on the blog before, like SJ.

So, yeah, it was a pleasant memory for a Monday morning.

Good times

A bit of a full day yesterday. The expected call from G came in and we met in one of our local bars. It's always great to chat to G and I think he likes chatting to me. We're both going through some family stuff, and G can't really talk to his wife about it.

M arrived in about an hour later and we continued the chat.

I also spent some time with my sis, going to hers for Sunday dinner. She used to invite me up every week, but that's only the second time this year that I've been up.

Still a good day all round though.

Cheers.

It turned out to be a decent enough evening. I arrived, with Stalky Guy, at the same time as Quiet Girl. We had drinks, some food and chatted. QG and I left for another nearby bar, spent an hour or so chatting, then Quiet girl decided she was going to go home. She admitted that she's a lightweight with alcohol and goes to bed early, which was disappointing cos she was great conversation and I think a little tipsy, bringing out a bit of a mischievous side that I'd liked to have seen more of. I did ask her about our work's Xmas party and she admitted that she'd likely not go. There was no real chat about her friend either, so I wonder if she ever admitted anything to QG? Or if I did imagine the whole thing (I'm leaning towards not though).

After her husband picked her up, I rejoined Stalky Guy and another few people. before long, they all left to go home leaving me and another girl from work. We stayed out late, she introduced me to this awesome cocktail bar, we had a few (expensive) cocktails before calling it a night and I got back into the house around 2 AM.

I was definitely a lot more drunk than I think I realised last night, and I'm blaming the expensive (and awesome) cocktails for that.

Doctor, doctor.

I might have had a little too much to drink last night. It was fun, but I need The Cure something rotten today.

Have some attractive women in backless dresses.

Surprise!

I've just gotten a message from G. He's home this weekend and did I fancy meeting for a few drinks? Of course!

So we've not made any firm plans, but it'll be tomorrow or Sunday evening.

A social enough weekend.

Potential.

It's a work event tonight. Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl will be there. Actually, Quiet Girl was the instigator. I'm hoping it'll be fun though I am very low energy today. Quiet Girl is good company though Stalky Guy can be very hit and miss on whether or not he's going to be a dick.

And, I'm not going to lie, I'm interested to find out if Quiet Girl's friend is going to show up. She's not part of the group chat in work that QG created.

It'll be good to get out of the house, too.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

I cut my hair tonight. That's not unusual in itself as I've been doing it for years. I don't have the type of hair that can be styled, so I bought myself a set of hair clippers years ago and do it myself.

I think I might have cut it a little too short, though. I don't think it's ever been this short, which isn't great as the weather gets colder. Oops!

Nice to see you...

So it appears that my glasses need to go back for new lenses. The last optician who did my eye test apparently "misjudged the distance from where I sit to the screen" despite calling it out numerous times.

On the plus side, if you allow me to be shallow, is that the optician today was a stunningly attractive brunette with dark eyes. Oh, baby. Engaged, I think, and probably twenty years younger than I am, but still, you gotta take these small bonuses when they arrive, don't you?

Bah.

Expanding on yesterday's post about my new glasses, I think I'll definitely have to go back to the opticians. I've found myself leaning forward to see my computer monitors (yes, monitors, I am a massive nerd), so I'm about 50 cm from the screens. I should be around 80 cm.

And that'll be even more apparent when my new desk arrives next week - it's 80 cm deep compared to my current desk which is 60 cm deep. So my new glasses would already be useless once I started using the new desk.

Sigh.