Bailed.

Within the last week, I've "bailed" on Nerdy Girl, twice. Bailed in quotes. The first time was last weekend. She was out for her birthday with at least one other friend. However, it was also my niece's birthday, so that was out, immediately. So not really bailed, per se.

I was also meant to be out tonight. Nerdy Girl is leaving her current job and tonight was her leaving party. Even though we don't work for the same company any more, and haven't done for about 4 years, she invited me out.

I actually turned up at the bar, though. I did a quick lap and I couldn't find her. There was one corner where she might have been, but I would have needed to climb over people to see. I also could have called her but my social anxiety was in overdrive, so I went for least resistance. I think that was partly tiredness related. I got about three hours of sleep last night. I've had a splitting headache all day, which is never a good sign for me.

I decided that I'd get a pint, and hang about for however long it took me to drink it. If I hadn't spotted her or someone I knew by the time I'd finished, then I'd leave.

And that's what happened. I'm literally just in through the door. I'm fully expecting NG to call or text within the hour to see why I never showed up, so that's a chat I get to have. She does kinda know about my social anxiety, but I reckon, like KfW2, she never processes the extent to which it cripples me.

And it usually gets worse if I am feeling under the weather. Which I am.

To be honest, even if I had spotted Nerdy Girl, chances are I'd have been rubbish company. The tiredness and social anxiety would have made me really quiet. And I know for a fact that KfW2 can't deal with me like that. I don't know if NG can.

Plus, I'm out with FBS, D, Friction Guy and Opinionated Guy tomorrow. I want to be in better shape for that.

I am angry at myself for bailing on NG. But I am also about ten minutes away from falling asleep.