Bailed (Part 2)

A really good night's sleep has gotten me feeling human again. I still feel bad for bailing on Nerdy Girl a little though.

So, to cheer me up, here are some pictures of attractive women.

Bailed.

Within the last week, I've "bailed" on Nerdy Girl, twice. Bailed in quotes. The first time was last weekend. She was out for her birthday with at least one other friend. However, it was also my niece's birthday, so that was out, immediately. So not really bailed, per se.

I was also meant to be out tonight. Nerdy Girl is leaving her current job and tonight was her leaving party. Even though we don't work for the same company any more, and haven't done for about 4 years, she invited me out.

I actually turned up at the bar, though. I did a quick lap and I couldn't find her. There was one corner where she might have been, but I would have needed to climb over people to see. I also could have called her but my social anxiety was in overdrive, so I went for least resistance. I think that was partly tiredness related. I got about three hours of sleep last night. I've had a splitting headache all day, which is never a good sign for me.

I decided that I'd get a pint, and hang about for however long it took me to drink it. If I hadn't spotted her or someone I knew by the time I'd finished, then I'd leave.

And that's what happened. I'm literally just in through the door. I'm fully expecting NG to call or text within the hour to see why I never showed up, so that's a chat I get to have. She does kinda know about my social anxiety, but I reckon, like KfW2, she never processes the extent to which it cripples me.

And it usually gets worse if I am feeling under the weather. Which I am.

To be honest, even if I had spotted Nerdy Girl, chances are I'd have been rubbish company. The tiredness and social anxiety would have made me really quiet. And I know for a fact that KfW2 can't deal with me like that. I don't know if NG can.

Plus, I'm out with FBS, D, Friction Guy and Opinionated Guy tomorrow. I want to be in better shape for that.

I am angry at myself for bailing on NG. But I am also about ten minutes away from falling asleep.

Being pro-active (Part 2)

Yes! Nerdy Girl has replied and suggested we go out tomorrow night. The weather's meant to be good, so we should be able to do our usual walking route.

Being pro-active.

I've reached out to Nerdy Girl to see if she wants to go for a walk this week. It looks like the weather will be nice, so seeing NG will tick two boxes - a bit of exercise (we usually do about 6 miles) and being social. Hopefully, she'll reply soon, and wants to meet.

Result!

I've been quite pessimistic and paranoid recently about work and my imposter syndrome has been through the roof. One of my co-workers seems unapproachable. He's always terse in communications and any attempts to get a proper conversation out of him are often pointless.

I had real concerns over the weekend about what I'd done last week in his absence during a critical phase of a big project we're working on. However, coming in this morning and setting up a quick update meeting with him has left me feeling really positive.

So... woohoo!

Back again.

 Sigh. Monday morning again. So let's have some attractive celebrities in backless dresses, shall we?

Where'd everybody go?

Sadly, the very social March has not carried over into April, so far. I was sat in, alone, last night. I fancied a drink, though it's probably not a great idea given that I'm not particularly happy at the moment. Mentally, I've been in better places, though as usual, it's difficult to actually pin down what's wrong and what the root cause is.

I ended up drinking some rum. Normally, in the house, beer is my go-to drink, but I had none. Or so I thought. Imagine my surprise when I opened the fridge five minutes ago for a can of Pepsi only to see six ice-cold cans of beer that were left over from a few weeks ago. D'oh.

Random

While it's not a dream per se, I did have a somewhat random first thought on waking this morning. It was a memory of a night out that I had with BW and a few other friends. I was dating CAB at the time, but she was out with colleagues for a work thing.

As it turned out, we bumped into each other at the end of the evening. CAB was going back to a colleague's house for further drinks, and I got invited. The night went on longer than I anticipated. Our hosts offered us a camp bed for the evening, which we accepted and this offered us the opportunity to get naked.

We didn't have sex. We were both desperate for that, but neither of us had contraception and there was still a lack of privacy, being in the middle of someone's living room. We did indulge in a lot of kissing, touching and oral to some satisfaction before falling asleep. We managed another round the next morning before leaving quietly while everyone was, we assumed, still asleep.

And that, strangely, was my first thought this morning.

Hello? Hello? Bueller?

While we're only part of the way through the Bank Holiday weekend, it doesn't look like I'll be seeing any of The Crowd this weekend. If you hadn't already guessed, the disappointing thing is that there's been zero response to my question from Monday, asking if anyone wanted to meet for a drink or two.

Now, it's not like our group is that active any more. Maybe a couple of messages are shared every few months, but it was never meant to be a communications channel outside of arranging trips to the cinema, pub etc. A social planning channel more than anything else.

How long?

According to Facebook, it's been 12 years since CH and I became Facebook friends. Twelve and a half years since we met, if I recall correctly.

Out and about.

I decided a while back that I'd try to shake off this lethargy around socialising. I'd make more of an effort to get people out and I'd take up more offers as they came in. So I did.

And due to that small change, March was probably the busiest month I've had since pre-Covid. I've done the thing with KfW2, with BR and his wife. There's also an evening of playing pool with Nerdy Girl plus a couple of trips into the office to see my co-workers,  plus a work night out, amongst others.

And April has gotten off to a good start with a lunch date with CC and a cinema trip with FP. I've reached out to The Crowd to see if they want to meet this weekend. I already have tentative plans booked with D, FBS etc. for later in the month.