Phew, wot a scorcher!

It is a scorcher here today. I'm sitting at my PC, working, and wistfully staring at my back garden. In a few hours, I'll be able to go out and enjoy it, plus do some work as I blogged about yesterday, but I hung a wash out earlier and it's roasting. It must be 20 C.

Sigh.

I had a dream last night where I was in the car with my sister. I can't remember the details of how or why we were travelling, but I was taking a phone call from KfW2 who was telling me she couldn't make it to the gig we were planning on attending.

Upon hanging up, I then ranted at my sister about all sorts of things, including some people's lack of effort (from my perspective).

Suffice to say, I was in really bad form this morning after that, and feeling pretty lonely as you might expect. KfW2 and I are meant to be going to a gig together at the end of June and I think that the real-life aspect of the dream hit home harder when I woke.

Oh yes.

Well, the weather has turned out brilliant. It's sunny, bright and warm here. I gave my lawn a cut, which took an hour. Tomorrow, I'll complete the job with some raking, weeding and feeding. I'm in the office on Thursday so I won't be in the mood to motivate myself to do anything on Thursday and if the weather holds up (it's meant to), then I can chill on Friday. I recently bought a load of books to read and I do love sitting in the garden with some tunes, an ice cold drink and a book.

Oh no!

Stalky Guy messaged me to tell me he couldn't go to the work event on Friday. He was super-apologetic. However, that suits me down to the ground. The weather is supposed to be great this week, so I can spend a few evenings tidying up the back garden, and then maybe actually use it at the weekend. Also, with Quiet Girl not going and anyone else interesting not going, I'm not that inclined to show up.

I kinda want a new BBQ too, so I could maybe do some shopping for one of those.

Sun's out...

The weather over the next was supposed to be rubbish, but a quick glance at my phone weather app and it's now changed... and what a change! Great weather for the next week and a bit. That's going to make going for a lunchtime walk a lot easier to motivate myself into. And I'll also get some gardening done, which I've wanted to do for a few weeks plus it gets me off my arse and away from the telly/PC.

Eh?

I had terrible sleep last night. I groggily woke this morning with the vague memories of a dream. It possibly involved travel, or maybe it was just sunny/Summer. It did involve my sister's university friend, though I don't know why. I've neither seen her on Facebook nor the dating apps in, I dunno, a year or more maybe? Weird.

I need coffee.

Wanderlust

According to Facebook, MMBF is on holiday in Mexico. Mexico's not somewhere I've ever considered as a destination for travel, but the way things are going at the moment, I'd love a week or two somewhere sunny and warm.

It's also GWTNA's birthday today too.

This is the day.

It's a day of anniversaries. 33 years ago, I started a new job that introduced me to QC2 (and later Friction Guy, FBS and Opinionated Guy).

But the actual reason for this post is that today is the 20th anniversary of me meeting USHW in person for the first time. If memory serves me correctly, it was around this time, too: half past four on a warm, sunny Friday evening outside Notting Hill Gate tube station. I wouldn't say that this is where our friendship began... we'd already been communicating on MSN Messenger (remember that?) for about six months and USHW had been prising more and more personal information out of me.

I knew she was doing it, of course. She was never subtle about it nor did she claim to be. But my various online presences and personae all had one thing in common - I rarely gave anything away about myself beyond some basic facts. I was renowned for being enigmatic. So I think she rather viewed it as a challenge.

We've only met twice, which is something I've always been really disappointed in, but there were extenuating circumstances that prevented me from pursuing more.

In fact, we were sharing a bed the first time we met. We were definitely friends at this point. And, actually, we're not that far away from the tenth anniversary of our second/last meeting, too.

Anyway... I thought the date was worth mentioning. USHW and I don't communicate that frequently any more, and I do miss her and think of her regularly. For a long time, she was a very dear friend, an outlet and probably the person who knew me (knows me) better than anyone on the planet, including FP and KfW2. Nothing was off-limits in our conversations, and I know that people say that, but in this case it was true. I think people who know me might be shocked at how open I was and the conversations we'd had.

I know she still passes by the blog regularly so Happy Meeting In Person Anniversary, USHW!

Just stuff

It's been a great weekend. I watched some films, played some video games, saw my sister for a bit, had a good chat with KfW2 (over the phone, naturally) and gotten a lot of chores out of the way. I'd love to take more time off, but I have deadlines and at least it's going to be a short week. And I'm due to be meeting Nerdy Girl this week for dinner or a walk, depending on the weather. And there's a work event next week as well. So stuff to look forward to.

Let's gooooo!

I spent this morning walking around a retail park trying to find a new mattress. I was successful, but good mattress are expensive! I'm looking forward to hopefully better quality sleep. The only downside is waiting four weeks for it to be delivered.

Another positive to take away from this morning is that I walked over four miles with no foot issues. This means that, if it continues like this, I can think about doing a walk at lunchtime. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, but the foot was an issue. A couple of weeks of that, and I'll move on to something else: more walking, return to my yoga or something else.

And I should also ponder returning to our original route the next time I'm out with Nerdy Girl. It's six miles. Maybe that's for a few weeks' time though.

Awww...

Quiet Girl pinged me just as I was about to log off for the evening last night. She won't be in attendance for the next work event, which is disappointing because she's good fun. But her presence won't be missed as much because Stalky Guy and his pals are leaving early, so we'll only be there for a few hours anyway.

Potential.

Stalky Guy has put his name down for the next work even in two weeks time. Nothing from Quiet Girl, though. I might as well stick my name down. I think Stalky Guy has talked a few of his pals into attending, so at least I'm not gonna get stuck with him on my own.

Smile!

As a man of a certain age who's been going to the dentist regularly for a long time, you'd think that if something was out of the ordinary that I'd know about it, right?

So why has no-one told me, until today, that I have an extra tooth? Weird, right?

Chill.

I've decided to take some time off over the Easter weekend. I don't really have any plans, at least not for anything fun. I am planning on going mattress shopping on Thursday. My current one is knackered and is probably a factor in my back pain issues.

Actually... there is an outside chance of going to the pub with my sister and bother-in-law on Thursday. I should ask them tomorrow about that.

But regardless, I'm looking forward to the time off and not thinking about work for a bit.

Let's go again.

Amazingly, KfW2 was on-time. Part of the reason I don't like booking things is that she can be late. Her friends have regaled me of tales of her tardiness and she once shared a story where she was hours late to a date, and he was still there when she arrived. I have to say that she's never been really late for anything we've arranged (except one time where she was 45 minutes late, but that was a dinner reservation and I've posted about it before).

We hit the ground running, conversationally. I was worried it might be a bit stilted seeing as we've not spoken in person for so long, but no. We ate, we drank and left the restaurant to go to the pub where QC2, Friction Guy and I would frequent back in the day. It's changed a little since then, but still has the same vibe. We drank more, watched football and played pool. And we talked.

I didn't bring up my recent frustrations because KfW2 talked first about how we've not seen a lot of each other over the past few years and that was something she wanted to fix. She talked about seeing each other more regularly, perhaps even monthly. While we didn't come up with any concrete plans, just the way she talked about it, I didn't think that bringing up the frustrations made any sense. It can be revisited if these plans don't come to fruition.

It ended sooner than I would have liked, though we were four hours in by this stage. I think we were starting to find our conversation/banter groove again just as KfW2's husband came to pick her up which was a little frustrating. But I am hopeful that KfW2's chat about seeing each other more frequently actually means something.

The only slightly negative thing to talk about was when I was talking about being lonely and effectively not seeing anyone since Christmas, she told me to pick up the phone and go see her, and she was quite adamant about that.

However that reminds me of my sister's solution, which involves me making the effort and that's part of what makes me lonely. It's not the lack of company that is the issue (not completely anyway), but sometimes it's other people's lack of effort. Me getting out of the house to visit my sister or KfW2 (or anyone) when they don't visit me is not going to solve the problem when I'm the one who makes the effort most of the time anyway.

But I'm really pleased with how things went yesterday and gives me (us?) something to work towards.

Where?

I realised this morning that it's been months since G was home. The last we spoke about his visits, he was hoping to be back once every month or so. But the last time he was "home", that I know of, must have been mid-January. He's due a visit soon, I think.

Better late than never. Maybe.

I finally got a response late last night - after 11 PM. She was busy with work. No apology. So the suggestion: not Friday... not Saturday... but Sunday.

FFS.

I had semi-planned to spend Sunday afternoon chilling, watching footy and golf on TV, but this obviously changes everything. I could have just said that I had plans. I was tempted. I still think that I've been side-lined because the good weather has brought other opportunities. But it's been over 15 months since we last did something like this, probably over 18 months since it was just the two of us and it has been a struggle to get to this point, so I caved, booked the table (which she should have done, but that's another rant) and we're all set.

I really should say something on Sunday though. It's not on that plans change at short notice for the reasons she gave. I feel that I've spent too much time juggling things like deliveries etc. around this weekend because KfW2 can't pick up the phone a few days before our plans, which is something she's done before.

But the spectre of CH hangs over me, and it's not like KfW2 take criticism well either.

And it really does remind me of the same thing that happened in August 2022.

Big Sigh.

After chasing up KfW2 yesterday, I'd heard nothing by the time I was leaving my medical appointment this evening, so I called her. She didn't pick up. After the appointment, I was walking around the city centre. It was a glorious day. The weather app said it was 20C. I don't know if it was that warm, but it was warm enough. 

If we were to go out tomorrow or Saturday, while the weather was good, that would be brilliant - some food then hit a beer garden somewhere.

But her silence is concerning. I'm convinced she's forgotten or double-booked and is afraid to say because of my reaction. I think it's the latter. She mentioned something about doing something with the kids if the weather was good. That's CH levels of mucking about. And I'm already disappointed. I don't like leaving things to the last minute, and she would still expect me to book a table.

It reminds me of that day in, I think, August 2022 where she'd gone quiet in the days leading up to the dinner, still wanted me to book a table, then got upset because she didn't like the time of the booking, even though it was literally the only table I could find. So then she decided on a place near her house and then CC invited herself along.

But I'm tired. And there's a feeling of, I don't know, a combination if disappointment, sadness and loneliness. Getting a friend out for dinner and drinks shouldn't be this much work, especially when she suggested the date.

Hmmm...

For the past few nights, I've had adult-themed dreams that have featured FBS. I can understand the why - I always get a lot more frisky when the weather is good and this is the best spell of weather so far this year, so adult dreams are almost expected. 

As for the who... that's different. I know FBS and I have a past, and I'll be honest, I do sometimes erm... think about her.

But three nights in a row?

So, sigh.

I chased up KfW2.

"Are we still meeting on Friday?" 

"Let me get back to you. I don't know if Friday or Saturday will suit better."

I'm assuming that she's forgotten at this point and is scrambling. It's doubly frustrating. She was the one who chose this date, so to be unsure only two days before is not something I wanted to hear, especially after spending over a year trying to get her out.

Let's see what she comes back with. I can do either day. It's not like my diary is full, but at the same time, she doesn't know that.

Let's go?

Another work event at the start of May, so I immediately asked Quiet Girl if she was going. She's undecided at the moment, but I think she enjoys the events, so there's a good chance she'll go. I hope so. I don't want to be stuck with Stalky Guy.

And every time I try to get QG out, I wonder if her friend will come along. Her friend is fun and there is still that question hanging over me from last year's summer party, but that's not the reason I want to get QG out. It's simply that QG is good fun.

Hmmm...

I phoned KfW2 earlier. I'd not heard from her and we're meant to be meeting for dinner and drinks on Friday. Despite her protestations that she was taking me out as much as I was taking her out, I still need to do all the work - find somewhere to go, book it etc.

But I can't book it until she tells me when she's available. Early dinner? late dinner? Who knows? So it's frustrating when she goes AWOL a few days before we're due to meet. Now, one missed phone call is not AWOL, but she has done this before.

In all likelihood,  I could probably make a booking 24 hours before we're due to go out, but we run the risk that it's fully booked and then it's a scramble to find something else. I know that's happened before.

I'm sure I'm just being pessimistic and she'll be in contact soon.

See you again.

I was at my sister's yesterday for a bit of a BBQ, given the good weather. Within minutes of me arriving, my niece came into the kitchen and demanded to know why I hadn't seen her in months. Four months actually. She wasn't wrong, but I think I've posted about this frustration before: if I don't make the effort, I don't see anyone, even family.

"You know where I live. What stopped you coming down to see me?" I quipped.

My niece made some excuses.

"Well, you can't expect me to always come and see you if you never make the effort."

This was said in a light tone, but it wasn't really directed at her. My sister and brother-in-law were also in the kitchen.

I don't know if it landed, but only time will tell.

 

Memory time.

Facebook reminds me that it's 14 years of Facebook friendship with CH. Despite how it all "ended", I still think back on CH fondly. I'd love to know what was going on in her head those times she was pushing boundaries. Would she ever have gone through with anything had I gone along with her boundary pushing or would she have backed off? I always assumed the latter.

Anyway, here are a couple of pictures of Alison Brie including one with Anna Kendrick, back in the days where AB did give off serious CH vibes.

One step at a time.

I met with Nerdy Girl and we did our shorter route, starting and ending at CB Pub, and then we adjourned to a local pizza restaurant for food.

It was good because the advice that the consultant gave me last week seems to already be paying dividends. Usually by the end of the short walk (roughly 3 miles), I'd start to feel pain in the foot, but not last night. The pain is still there, but the stretching, insoles and splints do seem to be working. There's less pain in the mornings, for example, even though I'm not wearing the splint all night.

I did manage to fall asleep while wearing it last night, which is a first, but I woke a few hours later and couldn't get back to sleep.

And the chat with Nerdy Girl was as good as it usually is.

I've also spent the past week or so trying to manage my portion sizes with my food (reasonably successfully), so going for pizza was the first time I've had a "big" meal in probably two weeks. I've not weighed myself yet, but seeing as the injury treatment seems to be progressing, maybe I should progress my weight loss efforts, too?