Oh bugger

I might have gotten a bit giddy with my Plantar Fasciitis diagnosis. I did some bowling today at a work thing and there is still a little discomfort there. It's not as bad as it was, but it's still there. Still... four weeks to go until I want to consider really upping my exercise - yoga and walking. Fingers crossed this is the final stretch (no pun intended) of healing.

Looking good.

Whisper it quietly, but I think that I am only a few weeks away from the Plantar Fasciitis being pretty much healed. It's been significantly less painful over the past week or so. If that continues, then I should be in much better shape, post-Christmas (well, into the new year) to make a proper effort to undo the damage of this current year in terms of fitness and weight gain.

Hmmm.

Despite being at the start of my most hated period of the year (the six weeks before Christmas), I find myself in an extremely good mood and excited. But excited for what? I can't put my finger on it. I do heave a lot of personal time booked over the next month, but nothing planned.

In theory, I'm hoping to see KfW2 in December. I'm still waiting for Mrs FC to get back to The Crowd for a night out with her sister. But neither of these is set in stone and there are no other social engagements on the horizon.

So the cause for the excitement remains elusive.

Karma's a bitch.

I slept well last night. I don't know if that was because of the previous night's lack of sleep or the beer I had at a gig, or both.

I had a semi-altercation with a young woman at the gig who was throwing herself around "dancing". That's not itself a crime per se, but being completely unaware of the people around her is, in my opinion.

A hard tap on the shoulder (because a light tap wasn't paying dividends) and a warning to be more careful resulted in me getting the side-eye from her and her boyfriend.

I didn't hold back my laughter when ten minutes later, she backed into a guy carrying four pints, most of which ended up on her, and she immediately burst into tears.

Karma's a bitch.

Out of the blue.

For reasons that I don't understand, K popped into my head yesterday while I was feeling more than a little raunchy. I don't know why it was K over anyone else, but it was. I can't remember the last time I interacted with her. It's been at least 15 years since we had a conversation, but undoubtedly there'll be some kind of social media interaction more recently than that - a comment left, or something.

So I had a few memories of fucking K, and a wistful "what if" of what might have happened had she not gone full tilt into "I want a relationship".

But still... K?

Urgh.

I'm operating on about 4 hours of sleep. I go to sleep easily last night, but woke after an hour or so, around 1 AM, then I was unable to get back to sleep until near 6 AM, only to wake at 9 AM.

I'm three coffees in and they're not making a difference.

I also had a dream during that last period of sleep. In it, all of a sudden, KfW2 and my sister were being super nice to me. I couldn't figure it out until much later when one of them admitted that they'd bumped into each other on a cocktail night out, got talking about me, decided I was in a bad way and they were going to help.

This is all very vague because the details of the dream faded really quickly. Was this due to lack of sleep or the dream not being that detailed to begin with?

But the dream is kinda accurate. I have been feeling lonely recently, and it would be great if either my sister or KfW2 take notice when I tell them that I've been finding it tough due to family stuff and the lingering after effects of FP's passing. And I have been telling them this stuff, but it feels like it falls on deaf ears.

Get out.

Do you ever get a gut feeling that something specific is going to happen? Yesterday, for example, I was convinced that S was going to message and suggest we hit a local bar for a pub quiz. He's done it before a few times, but I've never been in a position to, plus at least once was just too last-minute for me. Last year, on a night out in December, I was convinced I was going to bump into Chloe, but never did.

He didn't get in touch, but my brother-in-law did, suggesting we go to a gig tomorrow night. Well, not suggesting. He had a spare ticket as his companion had dropped out.

It's not a band I'd normally be interested in seeing, but as I've said recently, I need to leave the house more, to be more social, and this is an opportunity to do just that.

Remember?

I don't know if there was a dream involved, but I woke this morning with USHW on my mind. Specifically, the memory of the last time we met back in 2015. It involved meeting at my hotel, where I was in town for a gig, having drinks, conversation and laughs until she had to return home I was due to meet G.

It was a pleasant memory because it was a fun day.

*growls*

If there's one thing I hate, it's people's inability to communicate. The family stuff took another turn at the weekend, and stress levels have been high because the people we deal with should have shared information with us about three weeks ago, and didn't.

They also refuse to use email, citing GDPR, so it appears they don't know what GDPR is either.

My sister and I met with them yesterday and they have apologised profusely (and sincerely from what I can tell), which I have accepted on the understanding that they use this failing to update their processes. They claim that the process improvements are already being looked at, but only time will tell.

But I've spent the last few days really wanting to slap someone.

Coincidence.

In a semi-coincidence, one of the girls mentioned in this post posted a few photographs on Facebook from our school days. Some faces I can barely remember, but an old crush of mine features quite a lot, so that prompted some fond memories.

Bah.

I'm not gonna lie. I had hoped/expected that G would be in touch today, even if it was just to meet for a coffee. I'm assuming he was on an early flight and is already back in London, though.

No.

G's just messaged to say he can't make it. I have beer, so I'm sorta good, but I could have done with the company and some people watching, too.

No?

At this stage, I don't think G's going to be in touch about meeting for drinks. I've always said that I don't care what the outcome is - yes or no - to social engagements, but to let me know as soon as possible.

So I kinda hoped that I'd at least know one way or the other by now. Still, I've already had a few beers, and I'm showered and ready to go if he does want to meet, but it feels like if I've not heard anything in ten minutes that I won't be going out tonight.

Yes.

My gut was right and G's just be in touch to say he's potentially free tomorrow evening. His plans have changed slightly, so it's not certain that we'll meet, but if we do, it'll be tomorrow night.

Sigh.

Still nothing from G about him being home this weekend, which is surprising, even if he never actually nailed down any dates.

I sent CC a message, just to let her know I was thinking of her.

And more family stuff has reared its head, which means I will be cracking open a beer in a few minutes... and there will be more after that.

Let's party?

The rumours in work are that we've got a big night out coming up a week before Christmas. Our Christmas party was cancelled before it even became a thing for reasons unknown. This rumour suggests that the firm are still going to do something, but less formal.

I'm kinda glad cos I wasn't going to go to the Christmas party, but I'd definitely be up for something more casual.

Sad face.

So it seems like 2024 is going to mirror 2023 in that the first time I see KfW2 is at a funeral, then we'll see each other again socially soon after.

In 2023, it was FP's funeral in August and we finally went out for lunch and drinks a few weeks later. This time, it's going to be CC's dad. It's going to be incredibly tough on CC who only lost her mother at the start of the summer. The funeral's on Tuesday and KfW2 has already agreed to pick me up.

While I still can't put my finger on whether or not I regard CC as being a friend, my heart goes out to her.

Boots.

I had a dream about FBS last night. It involved sex. it wasn't a memory per se, or at least the circumstances of the dream never happened, though the individual events did.

In it, FBS and I were at a bar, she was wearing a black jumper, blue jeans and black OTK boots. We got drunk, went back to hers and ended up having sex.

These things all happened in real life, just not all at once, even though I do love OTK boots. FBS did wear them while we were out socially with others, and I'm pretty sure it was with with an outfit not unlike the one I describe above.

And there was a night out, that was just the two of us. And there was sex.

But, yeah, boots. I love boots.

Time out.

I took the first steps in booking out my remaining time off for the year and it paints a pretty picture. I'm am off work on every Monday and Friday in December, plus the entire Christmas week. That's a three-day week for three weeks, then ten days off until 2025.

I think this year has finally caught up with me. Or more realistically, I'm seeing what's in store for next year and I'm not feeling too positive, so I need a break and four-day weekends sound about right.

And I still need to squeeze in another four days of holidays somewhere. I'm hoping that gives me more wiggle room in trying to get something arranged with KfW2. Last year, we went out on a Sunday. Maybe we can do the same thing this year?

Here we go.

Mrs FC has messaged the group suggesting we all meet up. Apparently her sister wants to come out with us. Mrs FC's sister is lovely and good fun. So I replied and said that I was interested, but pushed the logistics and organisation back to Mrs FC, so the ball's in her court.

I'm also expecting G to be home next weekend. On his last visit, he suggested that he'd be back "around the middle of November", which to me is next weekend.

So two possible things to look forward to, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Oh, the irony.

I'm about to leave the house for the day, but I wanted to jump on and post real quick the interesting fact that I ironed some clothes today for the first time in like nine years. It took me 30 minutes to find the fricking iron, it had been that long since I last used it.

I should actually think about getting a new iron and ironing board, but I use them so infrequently that I can't really justify spending the money on them.

Baby steps

I'm meeting Nerdy girl tonight for a walk. The plantar fasciitis seems to be gradually easing, but not enough for me to try our long route. But I definitely need to get my arse in gear and do something given yesterday's shock to the system.

JFC

I tried on my suit today for the first time since around this time last year and it wasn't a pretty sight. I had to go and buy a new one and ended up buying two sizes bigger than my last suit.

That's not good. I know I've put on weight, but actually how much I'd not really considered. A lot of my clothes still fit me, if a little tight around the stomach, but this was something else.

And it was fucking depressing. But I have done little to no exercise this year and my eating habits have been awful. I've been staving off boredom and stress with food. And I've been awfully bored and stressed this year.

Oh dear.

Some of the family stuff has taken a turn for the worst and I might need to take some time off this week. I am in the middle of this supposed super important training (which isn't THAT important), so there might be some friction involved, but not much I would imagine.

Additionally, KfW2 called earlier and we've started the "going out" dance again. I don't know that I have the energy for it. She did suggest that she's tried to get me down to her house a few times (true), but I countered with it was 24 hours notice when I already had plans or was working (also true). She laughed and said that was how her brain worked (true), and I countered with needing more notice (also true).

Whether anything pans out remains to be seen. I hope it does. For all my frustrations, I do miss her and it saddens me greatly that we are drifting apart. I'll need to message her tomorrow to let her know the news, though.

It was nice to chat with her, though.

Ah FFS.

I spent all day feeling like I've beaten my head off a brick wall due to a group of people who think it's better to prove how clever they are than to simplify a task so that everyone can learn from it.

And I've been blunt to the point of rude in calling them out on it, too.

And now I'm tried, I want a drink (an alcoholic one) and I've lost all enthusiasm for this training course because I've got to work with these people for the next three days.

Bugger.

Time out.

By my reckoning, I have two weeks of personal leave left to take before the end of the year. I'm on a training course at the moment, so won't be able to check until next week.

Traditionally, that translates to shorter weeks and typically taking every Friday off. I already have a week booked off at Xmas, so that's ten days to take in seven weeks.

I've always managed to leverage this into social engagements with The Crowd or KfW2, but I've not seen The Crowd in months and the last time I saw KfW2 was a similar Xmas day/night out last December, the week before Christmas.

It's a habit/pattern I've tried to break over recent years, but with little success. Often, I feel burned out by the time this part of the year, but it doesn't feel like so far. That could all change though, cos we're into the time of year that I don't like - the period between Halloween and Xmas.

But let's see what's going to happen with the time off. I need to put it to good use, I think.

Weird.

My sleep was awful last night, I was tossing and turning all night and there were dreams. I can't remember if it was a single dream or a few that I've merged into one. One part of it was that my dad and I survived a bus crash into the ocean and we were doing the rounds on American talk shows for some reason. 

The other two were sex-related and both featured FA2. One was a semi-memory of FA2 collecting me after work one Friday afternoon, getting back to her place then me marching her upstairs to her bedroom because I had been thinking about her all day long and was incredibly horny. The other was not related to anything I've done in real life and involved group sex. Well, maybe not group sex, but FA2 and I having sex on a huge bed while two other couples fucked alongside us. That's not something that I am interested in, in real life.

I've no idea how the dream ended due to waking up every hour or so because of the back and muscle pain.

Yes!

The good news is that I really enjoyed the gig. I got semi-lucky and met a co-worker in a nearby bar, so I had someone to go in with, though my apprehension had long gone by that stage.

So I am definitely interested in doing that again, as long as I can find artists that I like, and I know for sure there are a couple playing in 2025 already.

But my back was killing me the entire gig and that lasted all night long. It's been an issue for months, but it usually eases once I'm moving or standing. Not last night.

Tune in.

Tonight, I'm going to the first gig I've attended since before Covid. It's part of the plan to try and get out of the house more. It's not just the socialising aspect, though that is a driver, but also just the act of leaving the house.

I already have half an eye on this evening with a little apprehension. I don't want to say "fear" because I'm not sure that's the case and I don't feel like this when I go to Tesco, for example, or into the office. But there's definitely something there.

And if tonight works out, I already have an eye on more gigs next year.

Errr...

I had a dream last night that contained a lot of very different pieces. 

The vague gist of it was that I was travelling around the country with a group of people, one of them might have been MfW, the others are less certain. Some of them might have been from the group of guys I do some online gaming with, and at least two were girls I knew at school though they haven't ever been mentioned on the blog. One of the girls was in the same class as me at school. We weren't close, but at least one day a week we'd walk home together. She was a slim girl with a massive rack. My over-riding memory of her was a period where she literally threw herself at another guy in our class.

Back to the dream: we were travelling the country, killing zombies, though it's also unclear if this was just a survival thing, or if this was some kind of game show.

There was a shower scene with one of the girls from school, though not sexual... it was more like the shower scene in Starship Troopers.

And we found a railway station that was stocked with food, drinks and medical equipment.

Around this point I woke up. the zombie thing isn't really of interest. I am more intrigued by the people who appeared in the dream and the backgrounds they came from. It really was an eclectic mix of people from my past.