It's been a
bit quiet around these parts over the past few months. I'll not lie - a lot of
that is apathy-based. The apathy itself comes from simply not being in the
mood. Quite a bit has been happening, none of it really bad per se, but it's
been keeping me busy and, to be honest, it's starting to get a bit stressful.
Arguably,
it's been stressful for a while now but it's only now that it's starting to get
on top of me that I'm noticing it. The funk is still there too. It seems like,
beyond little oases of optimism, that it's been hanging around for far too long
now. It's been reinforced within recent months by the fallout with CH (her name
popped up on my Facebook feed this morning for what seems like the first time
this year) and my current house-hunting. I can't remember if I've mentioned the
house hunting before from this angle (I'm drafting this during some down time
in work, so can't check), but going out to look at houses, arrange viewings
etc. is reminding me how lonely I am. I've been looking at houses with my
sister, but her availability cannot be guaranteed, so I reckon about 50% of the
places I've seen until now have been on my own. I kinda want a second opinion on
houses - this is going to be the biggest purchase of my life so far and I don't
want to make it entirely on my own.
I'm kinda
under a deadline as well... I've not seen anything thus far to really excite
me, but I need any proposed purchase to go smoothly and be complete by the end
of September at the latest due to current house things. Speaking of house
things, and Heating Guy has returned to his psycho form. Each time he's
criticised or gets angry, he brings up things that have been bothering him for
a long time, simmering away but previously unmentioned. Over recent weeks, he's locked himself out of the
house overnight (I got the blame for not answering my phone that was on silent
and in another room). A small shortfall in the TV money that I rebalanced when
I gave him the utilities sparked yet another meltdown about rent (the letting
agent arbitrarily rebalanced the rent, Heating Guy never raised it as an issue).
Only a few days ago, HG put some dinner on the cooker and seemingly let it boil
dry. The entire house stank. HG's OCD meant he refused to open any windows to
ventilate the place. When TV Guy spoke to him about it he said that HG was
reluctant to talk.
As I said,
nothing bad or seriously, but small, negative stressful things that have been snowballing to a certain extent. I simply need to come out the other side of
this and completing the house move would be a major step, but that's unlikely to
be for at least a few months yet. I'm meant to be out with people this weekend,
but I've got a bad feeling that a fair few people might cancel/not turn up.
That would hurt. I kinda need to have some people round me this weekend for a
boost.
