JFC

I tried on my suit today for the first time since around this time last year and it wasn't a pretty sight. I had to go and buy a new one and ended up buying two sizes bigger than my last suit.

That's not good. I know I've put on weight, but actually how much I'd not really considered. A lot of my clothes still fit me, if a little tight around the stomach, but this was something else.

And it was fucking depressing. But I have done little to no exercise this year and my eating habits have been awful. I've been staving off boredom and stress with food. And I've been awfully bored and stressed this year.

Oh dear.

Some of the family stuff has taken a turn for the worst and I might need to take some time off this week. I am in the middle of this supposed super important training (which isn't THAT important), so there might be some friction involved, but not much I would imagine.

Additionally, KfW2 called earlier and we've started the "going out" dance again. I don't know that I have the energy for it. She did suggest that she's tried to get me down to her house a few times (true), but I countered with it was 24 hours notice when I already had plans or was working (also true). She laughed and said that was how her brain worked (true), and I countered with needing more notice (also true).

Whether anything pans out remains to be seen. I hope it does. For all my frustrations, I do miss her and it saddens me greatly that we are drifting apart. I'll need to message her tomorrow to let her know the news, though.

It was nice to chat with her, though.

Ah FFS.

I spent all day feeling like I've beaten my head off a brick wall due to a group of people who think it's better to prove how clever they are than to simplify a task so that everyone can learn from it.

And I've been blunt to the point of rude in calling them out on it, too.

And now I'm tried, I want a drink (an alcoholic one) and I've lost all enthusiasm for this training course because I've got to work with these people for the next three days.

Bugger.

Time out.

By my reckoning, I have two weeks of personal leave left to take before the end of the year. I'm on a training course at the moment, so won't be able to check until next week.

Traditionally, that translates to shorter weeks and typically taking every Friday off. I already have a week booked off at Xmas, so that's ten days to take in seven weeks.

I've always managed to leverage this into social engagements with The Crowd or KfW2, but I've not seen The Crowd in months and the last time I saw KfW2 was a similar Xmas day/night out last December, the week before Christmas.

It's a habit/pattern I've tried to break over recent years, but with little success. Often, I feel burned out by the time this part of the year, but it doesn't feel like so far. That could all change though, cos we're into the time of year that I don't like - the period between Halloween and Xmas.

But let's see what's going to happen with the time off. I need to put it to good use, I think.

Weird.

My sleep was awful last night, I was tossing and turning all night and there were dreams. I can't remember if it was a single dream or a few that I've merged into one. One part of it was that my dad and I survived a bus crash into the ocean and we were doing the rounds on American talk shows for some reason. 

The other two were sex-related and both featured FA2. One was a semi-memory of FA2 collecting me after work one Friday afternoon, getting back to her place then me marching her upstairs to her bedroom because I had been thinking about her all day long and was incredibly horny. The other was not related to anything I've done in real life and involved group sex. Well, maybe not group sex, but FA2 and I having sex on a huge bed while two other couples fucked alongside us. That's not something that I am interested in, in real life.

I've no idea how the dream ended due to waking up every hour or so because of the back and muscle pain.

Yes!

The good news is that I really enjoyed the gig. I got semi-lucky and met a co-worker in a nearby bar, so I had someone to go in with, though my apprehension had long gone by that stage.

So I am definitely interested in doing that again, as long as I can find artists that I like, and I know for sure there are a couple playing in 2025 already.

But my back was killing me the entire gig and that lasted all night long. It's been an issue for months, but it usually eases once I'm moving or standing. Not last night.

Tune in.

Tonight, I'm going to the first gig I've attended since before Covid. It's part of the plan to try and get out of the house more. It's not just the socialising aspect, though that is a driver, but also just the act of leaving the house.

I already have half an eye on this evening with a little apprehension. I don't want to say "fear" because I'm not sure that's the case and I don't feel like this when I go to Tesco, for example, or into the office. But there's definitely something there.

And if tonight works out, I already have an eye on more gigs next year.

Errr...

I had a dream last night that contained a lot of very different pieces. 

The vague gist of it was that I was travelling around the country with a group of people, one of them might have been MfW, the others are less certain. Some of them might have been from the group of guys I do some online gaming with, and at least two were girls I knew at school though they haven't ever been mentioned on the blog.

We were travelling the country, killing zombies, though it's also unclear if this was just a survival thing, or if this was some kind of game show.

There was a shower scene with one of the girls from school, though not sexual... it was more like the shower scene in Starship Troopers.

And we found a railway station that was stocked with food, drinks and medical equipment.

Around this point I woke up. the zombie thing isn't really of interest. I am more intrigued by the people who appeared in the dream and the backgrounds they came from. It really was an eclectic mix of people from my past.

Wonderful.

Hallowe'en always brings back fond memories, plus one frustrating one. Obviously the frustrating one was the night Sports Girl admitted she liked me while wearing a home-made Wonder Woman costume and looking absolutely stunning in it. How she liked me, I never discovered, but the timing was bad as I was living with family before I moved into my current place. I still maintain it wasn't platonic, though she never showed any signs before or after... it was just that night.

The other memories are of me being out at the pub with M, chatting to women in costume. While I get really self-conscious when dressing up (in suits or costumes), I do love a woman in costume.

And seeing as tomorrow my Instagram feed will be awash with celebrities in fancy dress, here's Myleene Klass dresses as, you guessed it, Wonder Woman.

Sigh.

The family stuff has reared its head again. It never goes away fully... it's always sitting there at the back of my mind, but occasionally things happen the brings it to the front. My sister called my yesterday to fill me in with two pieces of news. One directly related to the family stuff and one kinda, sorta family related.

Neither was great news.

Wasted time.

Even though I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to consider dating, I still occasionally browse the dating apps. I have current profiles on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.

It's a habit at this stage, though I don't know what I would do if I ever got a match, that translated to a conversation that translated to a date.

Saying that, the blonde Emma Willis lookalike appeared today plus this (IMO) stunning brunette woman who has short hair and is tall. Like 5'10" (178cm) tall. Wowzer. She also has this kinda, sorta Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays thing going on. That's a look I dig.